The light is white
Too sudden. Way too sudden.
I had plans to make a trip down to the hospital on Saturday or Sunday but yesterday, you were already gone. I still remember how my heart skipped a beat and stopped for a second when I heard the most impromptu news from my Dad. Then I proceeded to ask rc to rush me down to the hospital and I felt like time just stopped and I couldnt stop crying and had tears streaming down my face. I still remember that driver looking at me with a look of concern from his car next to mine. I didn't know how I could take it, staring at you lying in bed with no forms of movement at all. Not even the faintest, not even seeing the rise and fall of your chest as you take in any form of breath. Nothing. Time stood still.
I have always felt awkward crying in front of my relatives but I just had to make yesterday an exception. Cliche as it may seem, memories from my childhood days started replaying like a silent motion film in my head.
You always took great care of me when I was young and when my parents had to work. When Porpor (Grandmother) scolds me for being naughty, you'd always jump to my rescue and protect me from getting anymore scoldings from her. You always made sure I had enough to eat, had enough hours to sleep and nap, took the proper and safest route back to your home after my primary school days. You were always very concern about my grades even though it was only primary school but I knew you meant well.
I remember the times I always wanted to run to your house each time I fought with my mother cuz there was this form of comfort I knew I could seek from the PP and yourself.
I blame myself for drifting away from you and PP as I grew older, but for not even a second, have I ever stopped loving and caring for the both of you.
I remember the look you had on your face when PP passed away so abruptly. You could sit in that chair and not move an inch, staring into her picture for hours and not even lift your gaze off it. There was this mixture of pain and loss, and although I might not be able to feel as much as you do since you've lost your only soul partner who has been with you for 60 odd years, I understood the intensity of the pain that you felt. You became quieter and you seemed to have lost the drive to do certain things and looking at you being in such a state was a stab to my heart.
Although your departure is rather abrupt, and while a part of me is grieving, the other part of myself feels glad cuz I guess it's only through this outlet will your pain finally cease.I hope you are in a better place with PP. I love you.
-
Thanks to those who expressed their condolences... And thank you Nic for offering to come down tomorrow (: Appreciate it.
I had plans to make a trip down to the hospital on Saturday or Sunday but yesterday, you were already gone. I still remember how my heart skipped a beat and stopped for a second when I heard the most impromptu news from my Dad. Then I proceeded to ask rc to rush me down to the hospital and I felt like time just stopped and I couldnt stop crying and had tears streaming down my face. I still remember that driver looking at me with a look of concern from his car next to mine. I didn't know how I could take it, staring at you lying in bed with no forms of movement at all. Not even the faintest, not even seeing the rise and fall of your chest as you take in any form of breath. Nothing. Time stood still.
I have always felt awkward crying in front of my relatives but I just had to make yesterday an exception. Cliche as it may seem, memories from my childhood days started replaying like a silent motion film in my head.
You always took great care of me when I was young and when my parents had to work. When Porpor (Grandmother) scolds me for being naughty, you'd always jump to my rescue and protect me from getting anymore scoldings from her. You always made sure I had enough to eat, had enough hours to sleep and nap, took the proper and safest route back to your home after my primary school days. You were always very concern about my grades even though it was only primary school but I knew you meant well.
I remember the times I always wanted to run to your house each time I fought with my mother cuz there was this form of comfort I knew I could seek from the PP and yourself.
I blame myself for drifting away from you and PP as I grew older, but for not even a second, have I ever stopped loving and caring for the both of you.
I remember the look you had on your face when PP passed away so abruptly. You could sit in that chair and not move an inch, staring into her picture for hours and not even lift your gaze off it. There was this mixture of pain and loss, and although I might not be able to feel as much as you do since you've lost your only soul partner who has been with you for 60 odd years, I understood the intensity of the pain that you felt. You became quieter and you seemed to have lost the drive to do certain things and looking at you being in such a state was a stab to my heart.
Although your departure is rather abrupt, and while a part of me is grieving, the other part of myself feels glad cuz I guess it's only through this outlet will your pain finally cease.I hope you are in a better place with PP. I love you.
-
Thanks to those who expressed their condolences... And thank you Nic for offering to come down tomorrow (: Appreciate it.