Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel?

[fearedeyepatch]

http://www.rinkworks.com/fnovel/ So I found this lovely 'exam' on the web, and decided to actually write up my answers.


The Exam

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? No
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? No
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it? Kinda...
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? Maybe
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? No
6. How about one that will destroy it? Nope
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? A little?
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? He does other... stuff... too... like, run away?
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? Yeeeees, kinda...
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? No! He’s the lover!
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? Nope.
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel? Negative
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"? Er, no
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"? No?
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? Not. At. All.
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? Hah.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? ... this is more of a maybe.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters? Noooo
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters? Sanya would hit you with the frying pan, what are you talking about?
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"? No
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"? Uh, no
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? No
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? Nope. The people 5-6 feet do quite fine on their own
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? And travel!
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? The what?
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"? Er, once? It’s been updated since then
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then? Nah
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? ... yes?
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? Nope
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? Not yet
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"? No
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? ...
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? XD I can safely say no
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? No
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? Sorta?
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? A couple... just one in the name!
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? Er, maybe a couple? *Starts looking at names and clapping*
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"? ... XD
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? Elves have an appearance
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"? That’s a no
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"? Nope
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? No. They take short cuts through the time stream instead.
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? No
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? Not as of yet no
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? That’s a negative
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? What inns?
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't? I’m a history nerd... So hopefully I have an idea...
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? Nah
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot? ... Solono just runs away, does that count?
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"? Not really
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel? NO
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel? Not so far
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel? *NO*
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? ... *hits the web*
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? Uh, no
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? Nope. They don’t make love to any willing barmaids. XD Or do the fighting and horse riding thing either.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? Nope.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? Not as of yet
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? Armor? They’re supposed to wear armor?
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info] ... They weigh a lot
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? No. On two levels.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? Hopefully not.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? Er, no
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? No
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal? ... I never liked stew anyway
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? Naw
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? ... I’m going to go with a no on this one
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? Nope
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild? No
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? No. He actually has some intelligence. Sometimes.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? Nope.
72. Is "common" the official language of your world? No
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? Ha, no
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? I hope not
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. I really, honestly hope not.