(no subject)

[fearb4themarch]

tonight at the mall there was this six- or seven-year-old playing yu-gi-oh by himself on the floor. i stoppped to talk to him cos i was familiar with his game and he looked, despite having the time of his life, lonely. he sees me, only to stand up then stare at me. he says, "i'll jump off this balcony if you give me five dollars." he grabs the railing, though too tall for him to fully grasp, and manages to get his ankle over it. i took it off; i told him not to. he looked at me with a puzzled face, the kind you make when you're trying to discern something in the rain, a kind of squint, and in a reasoning voice as if we were making a bargain, then pausing, "i'll do it for free then." i asked if he was suicidal and he answered "yes." i proceeded to ask if he even knew what it meant and he claimed it was "when you did a lot of fun shit."
during his attempt he seemed fine. this kid wasn't depressed, just insane. it wasn't that he wanted to die, it was just that he didn't want to live.