(no subject)
A repost of the first part in my in depth and powerful analysis of the most retarded manga of all time.
'From Eroica with love'
One day I was innocently perusing Mangafox when the following advertisment caught my eye.
What happens when a gay art thief and a conservative NATO officer cross paths? Disaster, of course. Dorian is an aristocrat, a thief and a hedonist; Klaus is a duty-driven espionage agent with no patience for fools. Follow them as they chase each other across the globe.
Curious to see how such a bizzare setup could play out, I naively began to investigate. What I found was so indescribably funny that I had to share it.
So we begin.
No way this is really the first page.
Tasha: HOLY SHIT
Tasha: IT'S GREEK AXEL ROSE.
I'm assuming that this is our gay art theif. I deduce this from the ART and GAY I see in this picture.
[Back Cover]
The Mullet. It's like a mohawk for gay guys.
No but really he looks so hardcore with that tough-guy mullet and a candy cigarette. And that huge text above his head that says PRINCESS COMICS. Totally not gay.
*Sings* I'M SUPER THANKS FOR ASKING!
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED I COULDN'T BE BETTER I MUST SAY
BECAUSE I'M FEELING SO INSANELY SUPER
EVERYTHING IS SUPER WHEN YOU'RE--
DON'T YOU THINK I LOOK CUTE IN THIS *HAT*?!
Oh good, another picture of Greek!Axel. Just in case we forgot how gay he looks from the cover, or the page after it, or the page after (this page). I just can't help but notice his unaturally thick neck.
It's is so fantastically thick that he's tied a ribbon around it just to measure it.
CHAPTER TITLE PAGE!
The black and white really brings out Axel's bone structure, don't you think? You also can't tell where his hair ends and his coat trim begins.
We're also introduced to what looks like the manga version of Charlie's Angels. I like how the middle Angel's eyes take up easily 50% of her face.
*SPARKLE SPARKLE*
*SPARKLE SPARKLE*
OH GAWD THEY'RE DUDES!
The back two Angels are in fact, males. On the right is Caesar Gabriel, who has the most splendid set of muttonchops that an effeminate bishouen ever sported, and on the left Leopard Solid, two words that aren't used for names at all. I think the mangaka's got this WESTERN NAMES thing down.
It saddens me that the most sensible name on this page is 'Sugar Plum', and she's not even a porn star. Although 'art student' could mean a lot of things...
However, if you'll ignore the fact that Leopard is dressed like Fred from Scooby Doo, you'll hopefully noticed the text up there that tells us these three kids share E.S.P. - a skillfull way to reveal such a crucial plot device, yes, a masterly execution of exposition, but do we know WHY they have E.S.P? Let us consult the next page, which will surely explain.
Oh. Never mind.
Sugar Plum has gone out to look at art with her favourite scarf made out of sasuages (which she stole from Fred), and she shows the reader her favourite painting.
Ooookaay...
I'm guessing that this is in the 70s or something because there's obviously no internet porn yet. Also the hairstyles.
Right... am I the only one a little weirded out here? I mean.
It's a painting. Now look closer.
I GET ECSTATIC JUST BY STANDING IN FRONT
OF THIS PAINTING.
HER. EYES.
OH THANK GOD.
So thankfully something going *tinkle tinkle* has caught Sugar's attention. Let's see what.
That is only one eye, Sugar.
It was The Cupid! He has been taken by The Shinra!!
It is the child-god Cupid all grown up?! Whoever might that be?
...CUE FULL PAGE PICTURE OF AXEL STANDING DRAMATICALLY BENEATH A STARRY NIGHT SKY!
Axel is still wearing his grandma's beads and has now added her dressing gown.
The 'gorgeous men' following him really look like a load of really unhappy women in drag to me. Most likely they're sad because Axel forced them all into wearing suits so he wouldn't look like the only transexual in the Gallery today.
Hi my name is Rachel,
this weird guy told me
he'd give me ten bucks
if I put on a suit and
followed him around an
art gallery but I don't like it now.
I wish I felt pretty *cries*
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!
Seriously what does I can't even remember myself this manga makes no sense.
Axel: TALKING TO MYSELF WOW THIS PRICELESS PAINTING OF A KISS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS PORN. ALMOST.
Sugar : I really like this painting.
Axel: HE LOOKS LIKE ME.
Sugar: Oh hell yeah he's badass sexy! *WHOOPS*
Axel: MMM I LIKE YOUR ESTHETICS
Now I may only be amatur in my knowlege of Greek gods, but I'm pretty damn sure that Cupid was portrayed as a young boy.
So like I'm assuming that esthetics is like some kind of code for fantasy-pedophillia here. Not like aesthetics, which is the name for the philosophy of beauty.
HOLD ON. BACK THE FUCK UP HERE.
SOME OTHER DUDE SAYS 'I KNOW'. WHAT.
Is that guy secretly the Lord? Did the mangaka screw up? Or did the translators/scanlators just decide, 'fuck translating, I'll just make the story up myself'.
Okay, moving on.
Christmas only happens in the afternoon, obviously.
WHO CALLS FOR SUGAR PLUM?! And thick lines around speech bubbles obviously represent ESP in action.
CALLING ALL ANGELS. HELLO CHARLIE.
Okay, I'm going to need to edit this page a little to properly address some of the issues with it.
Okay I think that about covers it.
Stop.
SHE'S HOLDING A KNIFE AND FORK. CANNIBAL.
Wait...
Whaaaaaaaat.
Who sits down to write out a scene and thinks that 'He must be into older men, I'm dawsh-gorned shure of it' qualifies as good scripting. WHO.
EROICA THAT'S WHO.
And is it me or does Caesar actually turn into a woman in that middle pannel.
TBC.
'From Eroica with love'
One day I was innocently perusing Mangafox when the following advertisment caught my eye.
What happens when a gay art thief and a conservative NATO officer cross paths? Disaster, of course. Dorian is an aristocrat, a thief and a hedonist; Klaus is a duty-driven espionage agent with no patience for fools. Follow them as they chase each other across the globe.
Curious to see how such a bizzare setup could play out, I naively began to investigate. What I found was so indescribably funny that I had to share it.
So we begin.
No way this is really the first page.
Tasha: HOLY SHIT
Tasha: IT'S GREEK AXEL ROSE.
I'm assuming that this is our gay art theif. I deduce this from the ART and GAY I see in this picture.
[Back Cover]
The Mullet. It's like a mohawk for gay guys.
No but really he looks so hardcore with that tough-guy mullet and a candy cigarette. And that huge text above his head that says PRINCESS COMICS. Totally not gay.
*Sings* I'M SUPER THANKS FOR ASKING!
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED I COULDN'T BE BETTER I MUST SAY
BECAUSE I'M FEELING SO INSANELY SUPER
EVERYTHING IS SUPER WHEN YOU'RE--
DON'T YOU THINK I LOOK CUTE IN THIS *HAT*?!
Oh good, another picture of Greek!Axel. Just in case we forgot how gay he looks from the cover, or the page after it, or the page after (this page). I just can't help but notice his unaturally thick neck.
It's is so fantastically thick that he's tied a ribbon around it just to measure it.
CHAPTER TITLE PAGE!
The black and white really brings out Axel's bone structure, don't you think? You also can't tell where his hair ends and his coat trim begins.
We're also introduced to what looks like the manga version of Charlie's Angels. I like how the middle Angel's eyes take up easily 50% of her face.
*SPARKLE SPARKLE*
*SPARKLE SPARKLE*
OH GAWD THEY'RE DUDES!
The back two Angels are in fact, males. On the right is Caesar Gabriel, who has the most splendid set of muttonchops that an effeminate bishouen ever sported, and on the left Leopard Solid, two words that aren't used for names at all. I think the mangaka's got this WESTERN NAMES thing down.
It saddens me that the most sensible name on this page is 'Sugar Plum', and she's not even a porn star. Although 'art student' could mean a lot of things...
However, if you'll ignore the fact that Leopard is dressed like Fred from Scooby Doo, you'll hopefully noticed the text up there that tells us these three kids share E.S.P. - a skillfull way to reveal such a crucial plot device, yes, a masterly execution of exposition, but do we know WHY they have E.S.P? Let us consult the next page, which will surely explain.
Oh. Never mind.
Sugar Plum has gone out to look at art with her favourite scarf made out of sasuages (which she stole from Fred), and she shows the reader her favourite painting.
Ooookaay...
I'm guessing that this is in the 70s or something because there's obviously no internet porn yet. Also the hairstyles.
Right... am I the only one a little weirded out here? I mean.
It's a painting. Now look closer.
I GET ECSTATIC JUST BY STANDING IN FRONT
OF THIS PAINTING.
HER. EYES.
OH THANK GOD.
So thankfully something going *tinkle tinkle* has caught Sugar's attention. Let's see what.
That is only one eye, Sugar.
It was The Cupid! He has been taken by The Shinra!!
It is the child-god Cupid all grown up?! Whoever might that be?
...CUE FULL PAGE PICTURE OF AXEL STANDING DRAMATICALLY BENEATH A STARRY NIGHT SKY!
Axel is still wearing his grandma's beads and has now added her dressing gown.
The 'gorgeous men' following him really look like a load of really unhappy women in drag to me. Most likely they're sad because Axel forced them all into wearing suits so he wouldn't look like the only transexual in the Gallery today.
Hi my name is Rachel,
this weird guy told me
he'd give me ten bucks
if I put on a suit and
followed him around an
art gallery but I don't like it now.
I wish I felt pretty *cries*
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!
Seriously what does I can't even remember myself this manga makes no sense.
Axel: TALKING TO MYSELF WOW THIS PRICELESS PAINTING OF A KISS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS PORN. ALMOST.
Sugar : I really like this painting.
Axel: HE LOOKS LIKE ME.
Sugar: Oh hell yeah he's badass sexy! *WHOOPS*
Axel: MMM I LIKE YOUR ESTHETICS
Now I may only be amatur in my knowlege of Greek gods, but I'm pretty damn sure that Cupid was portrayed as a young boy.
So like I'm assuming that esthetics is like some kind of code for fantasy-pedophillia here. Not like aesthetics, which is the name for the philosophy of beauty.
HOLD ON. BACK THE FUCK UP HERE.
SOME OTHER DUDE SAYS 'I KNOW'. WHAT.
Is that guy secretly the Lord? Did the mangaka screw up? Or did the translators/scanlators just decide, 'fuck translating, I'll just make the story up myself'.
Okay, moving on.
Christmas only happens in the afternoon, obviously.
WHO CALLS FOR SUGAR PLUM?! And thick lines around speech bubbles obviously represent ESP in action.
CALLING ALL ANGELS. HELLO CHARLIE.
Okay, I'm going to need to edit this page a little to properly address some of the issues with it.
Okay I think that about covers it.
Stop.
SHE'S HOLDING A KNIFE AND FORK. CANNIBAL.
Wait...
Whaaaaaaaat.
Who sits down to write out a scene and thinks that 'He must be into older men, I'm dawsh-gorned shure of it' qualifies as good scripting. WHO.
EROICA THAT'S WHO.
And is it me or does Caesar actually turn into a woman in that middle pannel.
TBC.