(no subject)
So, second appointment with Dr. Moppet was at 3 pm today. He ran late. I was annoyed.
He asked about how I was doing. I hate that question...How are you ever supposed to respond without sounding like a drama queen?! I told him the truth; I feel more composed than I did last week (no tears today, thankfully), but my mood is really, really flat and low overall, and the anxiety is still present all the time. No panic attacks over this week, but being able to feel it all the time really puts the kibosh on one's plans for eating, sleeping and/or going outside, all of which I have to do but currently loathe. But, so far, so good. I am not yet swinging from the rafters, so I'll call it successful for the mo'.
I saw the shrink last week, too, and will again tomorrow. We talked for a therapist's hour (the irritating and always insufficient 45-55 minutes) about my history with depression (pretty much my whole life) and anxiety (ditto), about previous medications and hospitalisation. Really a fun conversation to be having all at once. Really. I understand that tomorrow we'll be talking about my family. Oh, Lord. This is all groundwork, of course, because the real work will be done with DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), about which I know almost nothing (djcliche, I'm looking at you for help on this one ;)), but I've got some experience with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, so hopefully that'll put me in good stead. I will, apparently, need a notebook (purchased) for 'homework'. Now, I don't like doing homework for things I really have to do, like uni, but, I'll do my darndest and try not to get my back up about it all. Rani (the shrink) wanted me to get a referral for an assessment at The Black Dog Institute (http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/), an Australian institute that studies and helps to treat and provide support for people who deal with depression and bipolar disorder. I think the whole idea about this assessment is to get some more information for Rani, but also to provide a second opinion and to recommend further treatment. I don't like doing those assessment things (I've done one or two in the past ;)) because I find it hard to name my emotions...Or have many, lol. I hate but can name extreme emotions, but not your more average, everyday ones; to me they're 'fine' and 'flat' and 'OK', but none of that really tells anyone anything.
So for now, that's about it. I really haven't been doing much else. I'm grateful that I feel less completely shattered than I did because that's almost impossible to deal with long term, but I'm still trying to figure out what I have to do about this thing in the longer term because melancholic depression (my diagnonsense) is more biologically based and so needs a biological treatment -- like medication -- rather than therapy. So I kind of feel like the therapy is a bit pointless, but I guess that's more to do with my previous experience with it when I was in high school...I pretty much just played along because I wanted the treatment to end. I endeavour to make a more concerted effort this time, but my hopes still aren't radically high because I don't really feel like there's much to be spoken about...Addictions and control issues aside, of course.
I hope this all made sense, lol. Turned into a bit of a vent there, I think. I hope you guys are all doing well and thanks to those of you who sent me kind words and words of advice xx
He asked about how I was doing. I hate that question...How are you ever supposed to respond without sounding like a drama queen?! I told him the truth; I feel more composed than I did last week (no tears today, thankfully), but my mood is really, really flat and low overall, and the anxiety is still present all the time. No panic attacks over this week, but being able to feel it all the time really puts the kibosh on one's plans for eating, sleeping and/or going outside, all of which I have to do but currently loathe. But, so far, so good. I am not yet swinging from the rafters, so I'll call it successful for the mo'.
I saw the shrink last week, too, and will again tomorrow. We talked for a therapist's hour (the irritating and always insufficient 45-55 minutes) about my history with depression (pretty much my whole life) and anxiety (ditto), about previous medications and hospitalisation. Really a fun conversation to be having all at once. Really. I understand that tomorrow we'll be talking about my family. Oh, Lord. This is all groundwork, of course, because the real work will be done with DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), about which I know almost nothing (djcliche, I'm looking at you for help on this one ;)), but I've got some experience with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, so hopefully that'll put me in good stead. I will, apparently, need a notebook (purchased) for 'homework'. Now, I don't like doing homework for things I really have to do, like uni, but, I'll do my darndest and try not to get my back up about it all. Rani (the shrink) wanted me to get a referral for an assessment at The Black Dog Institute (http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/), an Australian institute that studies and helps to treat and provide support for people who deal with depression and bipolar disorder. I think the whole idea about this assessment is to get some more information for Rani, but also to provide a second opinion and to recommend further treatment. I don't like doing those assessment things (I've done one or two in the past ;)) because I find it hard to name my emotions...Or have many, lol. I hate but can name extreme emotions, but not your more average, everyday ones; to me they're 'fine' and 'flat' and 'OK', but none of that really tells anyone anything.
So for now, that's about it. I really haven't been doing much else. I'm grateful that I feel less completely shattered than I did because that's almost impossible to deal with long term, but I'm still trying to figure out what I have to do about this thing in the longer term because melancholic depression (my diagnonsense) is more biologically based and so needs a biological treatment -- like medication -- rather than therapy. So I kind of feel like the therapy is a bit pointless, but I guess that's more to do with my previous experience with it when I was in high school...I pretty much just played along because I wanted the treatment to end. I endeavour to make a more concerted effort this time, but my hopes still aren't radically high because I don't really feel like there's much to be spoken about...Addictions and control issues aside, of course.
I hope this all made sense, lol. Turned into a bit of a vent there, I think. I hope you guys are all doing well and thanks to those of you who sent me kind words and words of advice xx