Anyplace but here?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Such a stupid question. So much can happen in five years, and this past year has been proof of that. Five years ago, if you had asked me that question, I probably would've said something along the lines of, "I don't know." And I really couldn't have. In that amount of time I wouldn't say I've exactly "grown up" per se, but I've definitely changed. A lot. I mean, I guess we all change over the years, but this... no, I would not have predicted this.
About this time last year I'd have been in college for almost two months. I also would have been somewhere between four and eight weeks pregnant, though I would've had absolutely no clue such a thing was even possible at that point. For the first time in a very, very long time I was feeling good, getting somewhere, and life felt like it was on track.
A few weeks later that would all dissolve as my health began to rapidly decline (read: pregnancy started to kick into gear) and before too much longer things looked utterly overwhelming. I felt like I was in way over my head. There was no possible way I could get my life back on track: my health was crap, I had no money - in fact, now I had debt thanks to school, and on top of all this I was going to be a mom. All my plans and hopes were soaring out the window faster than I could even wave goodbye to them.
But suddenly things are starting to balance out again. Yes, my health isn't 100% back to where it needs to be - I have to get my cortisol levels drawn again, just to make sure I'm not relapsing again after pregnancy, and I've got another two years before I'm (mostly) in the clear. I don't have money. I have debt. I have a kid. My plans have gone to shit. Even despite all that, though, there has been a lot of good that came from all the awful. It may not have been in my plans to have a kid, especially so soon, but I'm glad I do. Alex and I adore her, and to be honest I really like this family thing we've got going on. School, which I'd definitely feared I wouldn't be able to keep up with for awhile there, has become a lot more manageable. I'm beginning to get into the rhythm of being a mom and a college student at the same time, and the older Kassie gets the easier it's becoming. It's still exhausting as all hell, but both are things I really, really want and that is good motivation to muscle through.
On the topic of school, my grades are climbing now that I'm past the math and past the pregnancy/newborn phase. My last class I net myself an easy A+ (98.64% to be exact) and it's looking like I'm headed towards another one for this class. It's going to take me a few more classes, but I should be able to recover from the C and C+ I got previously (curse you Finite Math and Physics! ...and giving birth!). But even beyond my straight-up grades, for awhile there I was truly and honestly afraid I wasn't cut out for all this game design stuff. I'd started in a rare optimistic burst of bravery, I managed to keep up the optimism for awhile, and even kept plodding along when I really doubted myself because hey, I started so I should at least finish, right? Now, though, I'm actually beginning to see myself able to do this. I'm learning a lot. It's sticking, and bringing out parts of me I never knew I really had. I still have a ways to go, but I'm slowly getting there and it's really building my confidence. If I can accomplish as much in the next year and a half as I did in this past year I'll have a really good, solid foundation to build on. That makes me really happy.
In other news, I've discovered that I'm actually capable of being something of a workaholic. Thanks to my need for a portfolio I've jumped at opportunities with any potentially beneficial outcomes. The result has been me getting involves with two side projects, one of which I think I've mentioned before - a Flash-based sidescroller - and a second, slightly more intense and serious one with a much, much smaller "team." As far as the first goes, I've somehow managed to get myself semi-officially into the position of lead, so I'm getting all sorts of lovely experience managing the design aspect of a game. Never really would have seen myself in such a position, but it appears I'm not too god-awful at it and it's rather fun, if not stressful/work heavy. The second is more recent and entirely accidental, though I have much higher hopes for it. This one is just me and another student (with, eventually, a third for our art purposes... when we can find someone who can match our intensity level) working really closely on an idea that I think has very strong potential. Games, after all, are less about "OMG guys, I have a great idea!" and more about implementation. Between the two of these, particularly the more recent one, I've taken on positively stupid amounts of extra work. I end up waiting until the baby is in bed, then staying up to all hours to get things done. But it's worth it.
Anyway though, I'm going to stop ranting and get back to homework. Apparently the teacher wants us to summarize every chapter in one of our textbooks (I won't get into how much I loathe this particular class) for our final paper. I'd best get started. Wooooo.
Such a stupid question. So much can happen in five years, and this past year has been proof of that. Five years ago, if you had asked me that question, I probably would've said something along the lines of, "I don't know." And I really couldn't have. In that amount of time I wouldn't say I've exactly "grown up" per se, but I've definitely changed. A lot. I mean, I guess we all change over the years, but this... no, I would not have predicted this.
About this time last year I'd have been in college for almost two months. I also would have been somewhere between four and eight weeks pregnant, though I would've had absolutely no clue such a thing was even possible at that point. For the first time in a very, very long time I was feeling good, getting somewhere, and life felt like it was on track.
A few weeks later that would all dissolve as my health began to rapidly decline (read: pregnancy started to kick into gear) and before too much longer things looked utterly overwhelming. I felt like I was in way over my head. There was no possible way I could get my life back on track: my health was crap, I had no money - in fact, now I had debt thanks to school, and on top of all this I was going to be a mom. All my plans and hopes were soaring out the window faster than I could even wave goodbye to them.
But suddenly things are starting to balance out again. Yes, my health isn't 100% back to where it needs to be - I have to get my cortisol levels drawn again, just to make sure I'm not relapsing again after pregnancy, and I've got another two years before I'm (mostly) in the clear. I don't have money. I have debt. I have a kid. My plans have gone to shit. Even despite all that, though, there has been a lot of good that came from all the awful. It may not have been in my plans to have a kid, especially so soon, but I'm glad I do. Alex and I adore her, and to be honest I really like this family thing we've got going on. School, which I'd definitely feared I wouldn't be able to keep up with for awhile there, has become a lot more manageable. I'm beginning to get into the rhythm of being a mom and a college student at the same time, and the older Kassie gets the easier it's becoming. It's still exhausting as all hell, but both are things I really, really want and that is good motivation to muscle through.
On the topic of school, my grades are climbing now that I'm past the math and past the pregnancy/newborn phase. My last class I net myself an easy A+ (98.64% to be exact) and it's looking like I'm headed towards another one for this class. It's going to take me a few more classes, but I should be able to recover from the C and C+ I got previously (curse you Finite Math and Physics! ...and giving birth!). But even beyond my straight-up grades, for awhile there I was truly and honestly afraid I wasn't cut out for all this game design stuff. I'd started in a rare optimistic burst of bravery, I managed to keep up the optimism for awhile, and even kept plodding along when I really doubted myself because hey, I started so I should at least finish, right? Now, though, I'm actually beginning to see myself able to do this. I'm learning a lot. It's sticking, and bringing out parts of me I never knew I really had. I still have a ways to go, but I'm slowly getting there and it's really building my confidence. If I can accomplish as much in the next year and a half as I did in this past year I'll have a really good, solid foundation to build on. That makes me really happy.
In other news, I've discovered that I'm actually capable of being something of a workaholic. Thanks to my need for a portfolio I've jumped at opportunities with any potentially beneficial outcomes. The result has been me getting involves with two side projects, one of which I think I've mentioned before - a Flash-based sidescroller - and a second, slightly more intense and serious one with a much, much smaller "team." As far as the first goes, I've somehow managed to get myself semi-officially into the position of lead, so I'm getting all sorts of lovely experience managing the design aspect of a game. Never really would have seen myself in such a position, but it appears I'm not too god-awful at it and it's rather fun, if not stressful/work heavy. The second is more recent and entirely accidental, though I have much higher hopes for it. This one is just me and another student (with, eventually, a third for our art purposes... when we can find someone who can match our intensity level) working really closely on an idea that I think has very strong potential. Games, after all, are less about "OMG guys, I have a great idea!" and more about implementation. Between the two of these, particularly the more recent one, I've taken on positively stupid amounts of extra work. I end up waiting until the baby is in bed, then staying up to all hours to get things done. But it's worth it.
Anyway though, I'm going to stop ranting and get back to homework. Apparently the teacher wants us to summarize every chapter in one of our textbooks (I won't get into how much I loathe this particular class) for our final paper. I'd best get started. Wooooo.