January 29th to Feb 4th
January 29, 2010
OMG!!! it has been a while since i wrote anything. So here’s an update. I joined a weight loss group called biggest losers we can do. i was made captain of the green team. Then another captain quit so I became captain of the purple team also. but now I am back to just being captain of the green team. I am completely pissed at myself. I haven’t lost any weight in 3 weeks because of my health. I totally need a vacation. that’s why in August I am going to Arizona… woohoo Shantalil here I come. Today Chris and I went to see Avatar in 3D. the movie was great but i learned not to watch 3D if you have a history of migraines. I came home and went to sleep a while. then when I got up I played wow with my hidden glory family. Found out that my gear score is 1520 just by changing my gems… its cool.we did a great violet hold run and then I logged off to sleep. only as you can tell I am not sleeping. the house is quiet for once. even the animals are all sleeping. I know Chris is getting worried because I am not sleeping when he does now.trust me if i could sleep at night I would. There is nothing better then sleeping pressed against him teasing him as he sleeps. well its almost midnight and he just woke up and asked if I was going to bed. So I guess I’m going to try to sleep. I’ll be back in the morning.
January 30,2010
It’s 12:30 so officially its the 30th. I am laying in bed with Christopher writing by flashlight like i do a lot of the time. i had to write again. I laid down and just started crying. Only I don’t know what for.. am I really that stressed and worn out? Chris is talking in his sleep about how he is worried about me going to Arizona. is he worried I wont come back or is it another selfish reason? I don’t know. I will be sure to ask him in the morning. My flashlight is going to need batteries soon. I keep having to turn it off and then back on. i guess its telling me to go to bed but i can’t. My body aches, my skin is sensitive to touch. so much so that my son ran his hot wheel car into my foot and it wasn’t even that hard and yes I bruised. I wish I could change a lot of things right now. Starting with my sleep pattern. trust me i wouldn’t be waking up at 4:30 am like Chris does but going to sleep at 10 and waking up at 6 would be great. no more just sleeping two hours at a time when ever I can. now that I have 2 weight loss groups i am thinking of combining my weight loss journals into one notebook. i think that will make it easier.in fact i think that i will use my zip up journal. my health stuff can go in the safe. i have noticed more and more that i don’t use it as much anyway, and when i do its only at my appointments. So tomorrow i will change notebooks. well later today. I would do it now only i would have to get dressed and the heat from the waterbed feels so good on my muscles. okay my flashlight is dead and using my phone for light isn’t working so I am going to see if I can sleep now. I will be back later.
February 4th,2010
Today is my brothers birthday.So I have been frustrated and angry lately. Yesterday I got a call from my friend Brenda. She asked if I could come over at noon and see how the little one liked me. I had fun for two hours with her. then as I was leaving she asked if I could babysit at 7pm. Well I did from 7 pm on the 3rd until 1:30 am on the 4th. She just left. It completely tore me apart when my 9 year old asked if he could have a baby sister. It was heart breaking. I got my weight loss binder ready.now i just need to print a few things. These kittens are driving me crazy. I got a picture of my oldest with the baby. Sent it to his girlfriend with a message saying “ he’s practicing”. not really but he loves babies. Everyone is asleep so I am watching the biggest loser again.I really need to get rid of the mental blocks. I know its what is causing me to not lose. Been following my food plan and workout plan and yet haven’t lost anything. Its Thursday and my new weight loss group weighs in on Saturday then the tops group is Monday. But starting Saturday I scheduled a daily walk. i was so frustrated with wow on Tuesday. it wouldn’t let me on and when I did get on it would freeze and my cooking and BS lists were blank. Also on Tuesday Chris mad the comment that I should try out for the biggest loser and that i would fit in..Am I really that big, and does he really mean that he is worried about my weight or is that his excuse for what he said? It bothers me to hear that. I don’t know what to think about it. What also worries me is that a few times he had said he doesn’t really like skinny girls. If i reach my goal of 140 I will be Skinny. how will he do with that? Should i not reach my goal?j these questions are part of the mental block I have. I need to start working out more. the one thing I wish i had for my birthday is bob harpers biggest loser yoga workout. Later today I am going to go to the library. I am going to see if i can find some yoga DVD's and start doing them. I also have to print some things for the group.I have had several emails from people on the group that just wanted to check on me and I have sent emails to check on people. Now if we can all keep the motivation up it will be great.well its 2:30 am and I am actually tired. that little angel is only 12lbs but holding her and walking around and rocking her was a big workout. I don’t know how i used to carry my son around at 20lbs. okay I will write again soon. I am going to try to sleep some tonight.