(no subject)
so i guess everyone gets one of these entries once in their life...
im lonely. and not just lonely where its like okay i need some action and ill get over it. Im full fledged lonely. and i think what makes it harder is that when i think about my future i cant really see myself being comfortable or happy with anyone but this one person. Now this one person isn't the best of cantidates but i love him with all my effin heart. Sadly this person gives me the ups and the downs like a women in menopause going through hot flashes. Now dont get me wrong ive definately tried to forget about him. Sometimes I really thought it was the end but everytime i picked up my courage to move on he must have a sixth sense because thats always when he calls.
Here's the point of it all. No call on Christmas. (not to mention the period of not speaking also incuded my birthday which he never even acknowledged). Now im not saying that this is a reason to go up in arms and freak out because i know its not. but im just so sick of playing his games. Ive been playing these same games with him since i was 15 years old. five years later you would think we would either grow up or squash what isnt there. But we wont and we dont. We continue playing these games. Im done with the games. He's not doing much more with his life then he is now and i have 2 and a half years left of school. I dont want to be playing these im with you im not with you games until i graduate from college. I want to spend my life with him and im sorry if that sounds wrong and i seem too young to be talking about this, but when i tell you thats all i really wanted for christmas was to lay down and fall asleep next to him. I wouldnt have cared if i got anything else. Nothing else matters when im in his arms and thats where i want to be.
So im up thinking about all this hoping hell call eventually but i might as well go to sleep. I dont want to say i give up but in some ways i do. Some ways i want to continue looking for "the right one" but Ive tried almost every time of guy there is out there and it makes me happy for periods of time but the minute he comes into my mind, bam the other guy is nothing to me and just as easily as i tried to forget him, he comes back 30 times stronger. and in the end they only make me realize how made we are for each other. how we can adapt for each other, how we want to adapt and be there for each other. (when we want to) How i would be 20 minutes late for work for him and not be an ounce angry. How i would drop everything im doing and be there for him if he asked. How his and my family get along, talk and support the other. and most important how even when we go for months without talkin when we do talk its like there was no time in between. that star still and always will shine in my eye for him as i know in just the right light (haha) his still shines for me
another christmas wasted on hoping and waiting...
maybe by christmas 06 ill have better luck :-/
im lonely. and not just lonely where its like okay i need some action and ill get over it. Im full fledged lonely. and i think what makes it harder is that when i think about my future i cant really see myself being comfortable or happy with anyone but this one person. Now this one person isn't the best of cantidates but i love him with all my effin heart. Sadly this person gives me the ups and the downs like a women in menopause going through hot flashes. Now dont get me wrong ive definately tried to forget about him. Sometimes I really thought it was the end but everytime i picked up my courage to move on he must have a sixth sense because thats always when he calls.
Here's the point of it all. No call on Christmas. (not to mention the period of not speaking also incuded my birthday which he never even acknowledged). Now im not saying that this is a reason to go up in arms and freak out because i know its not. but im just so sick of playing his games. Ive been playing these same games with him since i was 15 years old. five years later you would think we would either grow up or squash what isnt there. But we wont and we dont. We continue playing these games. Im done with the games. He's not doing much more with his life then he is now and i have 2 and a half years left of school. I dont want to be playing these im with you im not with you games until i graduate from college. I want to spend my life with him and im sorry if that sounds wrong and i seem too young to be talking about this, but when i tell you thats all i really wanted for christmas was to lay down and fall asleep next to him. I wouldnt have cared if i got anything else. Nothing else matters when im in his arms and thats where i want to be.
So im up thinking about all this hoping hell call eventually but i might as well go to sleep. I dont want to say i give up but in some ways i do. Some ways i want to continue looking for "the right one" but Ive tried almost every time of guy there is out there and it makes me happy for periods of time but the minute he comes into my mind, bam the other guy is nothing to me and just as easily as i tried to forget him, he comes back 30 times stronger. and in the end they only make me realize how made we are for each other. how we can adapt for each other, how we want to adapt and be there for each other. (when we want to) How i would be 20 minutes late for work for him and not be an ounce angry. How i would drop everything im doing and be there for him if he asked. How his and my family get along, talk and support the other. and most important how even when we go for months without talkin when we do talk its like there was no time in between. that star still and always will shine in my eye for him as i know in just the right light (haha) his still shines for me
another christmas wasted on hoping and waiting...
maybe by christmas 06 ill have better luck :-/