I really miss these days....
(i wrote this 2 years ago, for college admissions but i for some reason i was compelled to share with you all)
The first memory I have of him is typical of anyone in our type of relationship.
“Are you gonna finish that cookies?”
“Yes, It’s mine! And if you take it I’ll tell my Mommy on you!”
From that point on, as far as my knowledge goes, the trauma only got worse. With
each day it was another adventure and another case of the “are you gonna finish that
cookie?” situation. He would always pick on me, push me around, and tell me what to
do and how to do it. Sometimes I would really want to hit him over the head with the
stupid football or He-man action figure he made me play with, but I was scared that
he would hit me back and then I, “the good one”, would get in trouble. He would
always win when we did get into fits though. I was weak and 2 years younger then he.
I would scream and cry and he would get “time-out”. I always felt bad after he had to
sit in the chair though, I usually would go over after about 2 minutes and the coast
was clear to ask if he wanted to play dolls or store. Of course he never did! How
stupid I was to think he would even consider it.
Even though he would beat me up and push me around, he felt he was the only one who
could do this. So when another boy tried to be mean to me, he would protect me like I
was a porcelain doll. I never understood that. I guess I never will because it’s
still the same now a days. If we were playing with the kids in the neighborhood and
one of them called me a “dummy” or a “weirdo” and he caught wind of it, they would
get yelled at by him. He would make sure they apologized to me and then he would tell
me that he wanted to go home. Since I was younger, when he went home I had to follow.
So off we would go and it seemed every time we did, milk and cookies were always
involved. And that’s where everything began to go back downhill. He never got the
hint that I would never give up my cookie for him. I needed that cookie if I wanted
to grow up and be strong like him. Geez! Boys they just don’t understand anything
about a girl’s needs.
When I was 4, we moved into a new neighborhood. Population: 10 billion boys and
1 girl. If this were in modern times I wouldn’t have complained. I could have had a
new date for every month of the year and would have been happy and content. But I was
4 and wanted playmates to play dolls with and Barbies and make pretend. Instead I
always had to be it when we played tag. I was never allowed to actually play baseball
because I had to be the one to get the ball when they hit it really far, and that’s
if they even let me play at all. I should have been lucky to play with such cool
guys, they would say. I didn’t feel lucky, and I didn’t see luck coming. Soon I would
be going into Kindergarten and that’s when I saw it coming. Our milk and cookie
sessions were already cut to once a week since we moved because he had to do this or
play with someone else and I didn’t see a brighter future with this school business.
Summer came and went and just as I suspected so did the sessions. That annoying
question was now the past. Did I miss it or was that just an ear infection? Anyhow,
It was a really long time until I thought about the days when we used to fight over
my remaining cookie. Over the years since I entered school, we slowly began leading
two entirely different worlds. He had sports and girls and “big boy” things to do and
I had make up and school and boys to discover. Once I entered high school, I barely
even noticed him except for occasional dinner meetings where it would be a scramble
who could eat more in the quickest amount of time. Our busy lives had led us in
opposite directions and left us with no time to converse let alone see each other for
more then 10 to 15 minutes.
Last June, he graduated from high school and that’s when the memory of our milk
and cookie days. I remember sitting with my family and watching him walk, and think
that’s my brother! That’s the little kid that I used to get in trouble all the time
and beat me up. He’s the boy that loved He-man and protected me from bullies. That
man is the boy that I used to sit down and eat milk and cookies with at snack time.
As tears rushed to my eyes all I could think to say was Congratulations, Big Bro! My
graduation gift to him was a single chocolate chip cookie and a note telling him that
no matter what everyone else thought he was the best big brother in the world and
that he finally deserved my last cookie. Although it wasn’t the usual for a high
school graduate and although he didn’t get it at first, I think if it hasn’t already
but it will.