things
just living day by day.....working @ stepping stones....going to the gym....hanging out with friends & trying to see ray as much as possible b/c he has 4 jobs (graphic design, dj, landscaper, pet waste remover aka pooper scooping). he's also still taking a couple classes @ william paterson in order to graduate. ray & i have been together for a little over two years....at the beginning it was rocky.....very very rocky. it was mostly me however.....i really did not know what i wanted at first, a serious relationship with this abnormally nice guy haha who gave me his coat when i was cold, held doors for me & my hand when we walked together....cooks me breakfast in bed etc etc....to be honest, because i was in such a bad bad relationship before, i was just so used to it...all the bullshit in the past i adapted to it. but it wasn't normal...it wasn't healthy. i'm happy i'm out of that now.....no longer self-destructive. there was one thing however....one very bad & unhealthy habit that crossed over from the past relationship into the current one with ray. i've had an eating disorder for a while. i don't count how long b/c i didn't do it every day....sometimes i'd go a month w/o it...& then it would start again if i ate something i did not think was healthy. i was on a strict...i mean rigid diet. i measured all my food & read the ingredients & exercised like a fiend every fucking day for god knows how long. i stopped however....but i do still measure my food & exercise....& when i go out to eat i eat, especially at sushi buffet....oooh god it's so good.
i believe that it had to take extremes for me to open my eyes....to see how i was living my life & how my decisions affected others around me as well. i was bad to ray....i took it for granted for quite a while...until one day at work i get a phone call that he lit himself on fire & was medivaced to st. barnabas. i thought he was dead....i cried my eyes out & prayed but thankfully someone loves him up there b/c he's still live & kicking. hardly any scars. too tired to write how he became the human torch....maybe another time. i'm grateful he has chosen to be with me for two years....i'm not an easy person to put up with haha. my mother even said that if she was ray she would have dumped me a while ago b/c she wouldn't deal with me. yes, i was that bad. i'll admit it.
on a happier note....everything has been great. for christmas i bought ray some nice clothes & for our 2 year anniversary i bought him tickets to see the trans-siberian orchestra:) we went out into these woods specifically grown for christmas trees & sawed one down & decorated it with his family. also went to the woodbury commons in upstate ny for xmas shopping. afterwards, we all went to a hibatchi steakhouse:) it was yummmyyy & i had so much fun:) first hibatchi experience, pretty sad considering i'm fucking part japanese. i was at his house for thanksgiving...my first real thanksgiving dinner with family (even though it wasn't my own family) his parents consider me part of the family:) i'm also going to his cousin's wedding in 2 days:) it's great that i get to do things that are part of his family b/c my family is not very close & involved with each other so i believe these experiences...having me exposed to something different is great....almost in a way life-changing. i bought his family dinner for two at a nice restaurant in newton as a xmas gift & i bought his sister & mom nice victoria's secret sweaters. my brother i bought a shirt, my mom & dad i have gift certificate for the cheesecake factory for dinner for 2. i have never spent this much $$$ for xmas but i feel it's really special this year. i'm going to ray's house for christmas with his relatives b/c my family doesn't really celebrate it haha. i just thank god for what i have & for the people in my life who has stuck by me haha. i just have to figure out what program i want to apply for in terms of graduate study. oooh boy, schoolwork all over again AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! g'night kiddies, & play nice.
i believe that it had to take extremes for me to open my eyes....to see how i was living my life & how my decisions affected others around me as well. i was bad to ray....i took it for granted for quite a while...until one day at work i get a phone call that he lit himself on fire & was medivaced to st. barnabas. i thought he was dead....i cried my eyes out & prayed but thankfully someone loves him up there b/c he's still live & kicking. hardly any scars. too tired to write how he became the human torch....maybe another time. i'm grateful he has chosen to be with me for two years....i'm not an easy person to put up with haha. my mother even said that if she was ray she would have dumped me a while ago b/c she wouldn't deal with me. yes, i was that bad. i'll admit it.
on a happier note....everything has been great. for christmas i bought ray some nice clothes & for our 2 year anniversary i bought him tickets to see the trans-siberian orchestra:) we went out into these woods specifically grown for christmas trees & sawed one down & decorated it with his family. also went to the woodbury commons in upstate ny for xmas shopping. afterwards, we all went to a hibatchi steakhouse:) it was yummmyyy & i had so much fun:) first hibatchi experience, pretty sad considering i'm fucking part japanese. i was at his house for thanksgiving...my first real thanksgiving dinner with family (even though it wasn't my own family) his parents consider me part of the family:) i'm also going to his cousin's wedding in 2 days:) it's great that i get to do things that are part of his family b/c my family is not very close & involved with each other so i believe these experiences...having me exposed to something different is great....almost in a way life-changing. i bought his family dinner for two at a nice restaurant in newton as a xmas gift & i bought his sister & mom nice victoria's secret sweaters. my brother i bought a shirt, my mom & dad i have gift certificate for the cheesecake factory for dinner for 2. i have never spent this much $$$ for xmas but i feel it's really special this year. i'm going to ray's house for christmas with his relatives b/c my family doesn't really celebrate it haha. i just thank god for what i have & for the people in my life who has stuck by me haha. i just have to figure out what program i want to apply for in terms of graduate study. oooh boy, schoolwork all over again AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! g'night kiddies, & play nice.