For etainoshirenai
For: etainoshirenai
Title: In the darkness
Pairing: Lahm/Hildebrand
Raiting: R
Disclaimer: nothing’s mine, nothing of this ever happened or ever will
A/N: I really hope you enjoy this fic, it isn’t really the story I had in my mind first, but I hope it’s okay.
And I’m sorry for any big mistakes, english isn’t my mother tongue :)
He has one important rule, one rule over all the others.
Never fall in love with a teammate.
But he had broken it. In every imaginable way.
He would laugh about it, if he could. But here all alone, without anyone who ever meant anything to him, without him, nothing feels like laughing.
Thinking back to that day he first laid his eyes on him. The day when everything went down.
~*~
‘Hi’ and a shy smile, ‘I’m Philipp’
‘Timo’ he says. ‘So, you’re the new one. Do you want me to show you around?’
Philipp just nods, eyes like glued to the floor.
Timo is amazed. It is rare to meet a football player, all shy and not a hint of excitement.
He shows him around, the stadium, the cabin, just everything where he will mostly be the next two years.
Philipp doesn’t even say a word. Looks around with big eyes, like this is his first visiting to anything football related.
They shake hands when their ways part, Timo is surprised how much strength Philipp puts in it.
‘Hope you have a nice time here’ he says, and when he meets Philipp’s eyes, it’s like something hits him in the stomach.
‘Yeah’ Philipp replies and turns to leave.
Timo stands there, trying hard to remind himself of his first rule.
~*~
From the first day on, there is something between them. Something beyond description. And soon they share a special friendship.
Laughing about their pranks, talking to each other, when there is no-one else to talk to, and sharing childhood memories. Like Philipp used to spend Christmas with his family, but since he became a professional player, there was no time for it. So he spends the holidays with Timo and his family.
And Timo really enjoys the time. He doesn’t know why, but everytime when he looks at Philipp, it warms him up deep inside. His smile, his liveliness, his whole happy being. Timo just can’t drag his eyes away from him.
Maybe he’s in love.
~*~
The first years is over, Timo doesn’t really want to think about it. It means only one year remains, only a few months until he goes back, only a moment and he will be gone.
Timo can’t imagine it. No Philipp who smiles at him when they’re planning a prank, no Philipp who tells him he is a good goalkeeper, even after a bad match, simply no Philipp.
Just the thought makes his heart ache. He just can’t let him go.
He’s too much in love.
~*~
And it all crashes down that one night.
It was an amazing win. They’re celebrating in a little club, thick air and loud music.
They’re drinking a few beers, stopped counting.
When Timo calls a cab, he first doesn’t realize who’s climbing in, too.
‘Mine’s too far away’ Philipp murmurs a little tipsy.
Timo’s heart’s beating too fast, but he doesn’t care, his head suddenly all too clear.
When they arrive he becomes nervous. His hand’s shaking when he opens to door, a sleepy Philipp pressed against his back.
He carries his friend to the couch. Exhausted he lets him down. And when he stands straight again, it hits him.
Philipp on his couch, in his apartment. Way too dangerous.
But he pushes the the thoughts away.
~*~
Hours later he waks up on a weight dipping into the bed, slowly working its way up to him.
‘Philipp?’ he asks, even if he already knows it is him. A deep growl is the only answer.
And then he sees Philipp’s face over his own. The dim light of the streets makes his eyes glisten and unreadable at the same time.
‘What are you doing?’ as Philipp lowers his head and Timo knows it was mistake to take him home.
‘Want you’ and a pair of lips brush his jaw, all too soft to really feel it.
No no NO! his head screams and his body tenses.
‘Wanted you since to first day’ and the lips are working their way down to his neck.
The sudden biting and licking makes Timo jump and aware of the situation.
‘You’re drunk’ he stutters, but he knows that this is just a weak statement.
He wanted it since the first day, he wanted to touch Philipp in every possible way, not only as a friend, he wanted him.
Thousands of thoughts rushing through his mind, all the ‘wrongs’, the ‘and tomorrow?’ and the ‘oh god, yes’.
~*~
The undressing is fast and hectic, neither of them can wait. It doesn’t count when shirts rip, as long as they can finally have each other.
But when they’re both laying there, naked, they have all the time of the world.
To discover, to feel, to map each others body with their fingertips.
Timo knows he’s leaving visible bruises as he sucks at the smaller man’s neck. Tasting him, overwhelmed by it.
His mind is already limited to one word. Philipp. He’s repeating the name like a mantra, over and over again.
It’s a lust driven play.
Two bodies sreaming for the release, after so much time of waiting. Lips touching, first soft, than desperate. Suddenly the room feels like there is no air in it anymore.
Cries and growls are filling the room instead. Hands reaching out, trying to hold tight, like life would depend on it.
Their bodys are moving like one. Skin on skin, hot and slick with sweat.
They moan into each others mouth, sharing not existent air, lips that simply can’t let go.
Tripping together over to edge as the rhythm starts to lose pace.
~*~
Now he’s leaving. He has to. Spain is far away, he knows that, but there is no other chance.
After that night, their friendship wasn’t the same, the cracks too deep.
It takes him weeks to simply look into Philipp’s eyes again, just to find the glisten isn’t gone.
But he can’t stay. He wish he could, but it would destroy them completely.
~*~
‘But you can’t leave!’ Philipps says, when they stand in front of each other at the airport.
Timo sees tears in his eyes, and his heart stops beating.
‘It’s my big chance, Phil, please’ he aswers. But all he wants is to wrap his arms around him and never let go.
‘But you can’t leave!’ Philipp says again, ‘’Cause ….. ‘cause I love you’ the last words drowned in a sob.
~*~
The games with the nationalteam are completely different now.
When they see each other, it’s stiff and unnatural. All the memories heavy in their chests.
But one night Timo can’t hold it anymore. He’s tiptoeing down to Philipp’s room.
Surprised as he finds the door unlocked. Without any further thoughts he slips in.
And he slides down under the covers and wraps his arms around the small body.
He keeps murrmuring his ‘sorrys’ and ‘oh god, I love you, too’ into his neck, for minutes, hours, he doesn’t care.
As long as Philipp knows the truth, and he doesn’t care that he doesn’t love him anymore.
But when Philipp turns, with that bright smile, he knows what it’s like to breathe again.
~*~
Now he sits here, all alone. It’s christmas, and he’s alone. Without him.
But that was his own choice.
A knock on the door. First he tries to ignore it, but after a few minutes it bothers him just too much, that he drags himself to the door.
‘Hi’ and a shy smile.
~*FIN*~
Title: In the darkness
Pairing: Lahm/Hildebrand
Raiting: R
Disclaimer: nothing’s mine, nothing of this ever happened or ever will
A/N: I really hope you enjoy this fic, it isn’t really the story I had in my mind first, but I hope it’s okay.
And I’m sorry for any big mistakes, english isn’t my mother tongue :)
He has one important rule, one rule over all the others.
Never fall in love with a teammate.
But he had broken it. In every imaginable way.
He would laugh about it, if he could. But here all alone, without anyone who ever meant anything to him, without him, nothing feels like laughing.
Thinking back to that day he first laid his eyes on him. The day when everything went down.
~*~
‘Hi’ and a shy smile, ‘I’m Philipp’
‘Timo’ he says. ‘So, you’re the new one. Do you want me to show you around?’
Philipp just nods, eyes like glued to the floor.
Timo is amazed. It is rare to meet a football player, all shy and not a hint of excitement.
He shows him around, the stadium, the cabin, just everything where he will mostly be the next two years.
Philipp doesn’t even say a word. Looks around with big eyes, like this is his first visiting to anything football related.
They shake hands when their ways part, Timo is surprised how much strength Philipp puts in it.
‘Hope you have a nice time here’ he says, and when he meets Philipp’s eyes, it’s like something hits him in the stomach.
‘Yeah’ Philipp replies and turns to leave.
Timo stands there, trying hard to remind himself of his first rule.
~*~
From the first day on, there is something between them. Something beyond description. And soon they share a special friendship.
Laughing about their pranks, talking to each other, when there is no-one else to talk to, and sharing childhood memories. Like Philipp used to spend Christmas with his family, but since he became a professional player, there was no time for it. So he spends the holidays with Timo and his family.
And Timo really enjoys the time. He doesn’t know why, but everytime when he looks at Philipp, it warms him up deep inside. His smile, his liveliness, his whole happy being. Timo just can’t drag his eyes away from him.
Maybe he’s in love.
~*~
The first years is over, Timo doesn’t really want to think about it. It means only one year remains, only a few months until he goes back, only a moment and he will be gone.
Timo can’t imagine it. No Philipp who smiles at him when they’re planning a prank, no Philipp who tells him he is a good goalkeeper, even after a bad match, simply no Philipp.
Just the thought makes his heart ache. He just can’t let him go.
He’s too much in love.
~*~
And it all crashes down that one night.
It was an amazing win. They’re celebrating in a little club, thick air and loud music.
They’re drinking a few beers, stopped counting.
When Timo calls a cab, he first doesn’t realize who’s climbing in, too.
‘Mine’s too far away’ Philipp murmurs a little tipsy.
Timo’s heart’s beating too fast, but he doesn’t care, his head suddenly all too clear.
When they arrive he becomes nervous. His hand’s shaking when he opens to door, a sleepy Philipp pressed against his back.
He carries his friend to the couch. Exhausted he lets him down. And when he stands straight again, it hits him.
Philipp on his couch, in his apartment. Way too dangerous.
But he pushes the the thoughts away.
~*~
Hours later he waks up on a weight dipping into the bed, slowly working its way up to him.
‘Philipp?’ he asks, even if he already knows it is him. A deep growl is the only answer.
And then he sees Philipp’s face over his own. The dim light of the streets makes his eyes glisten and unreadable at the same time.
‘What are you doing?’ as Philipp lowers his head and Timo knows it was mistake to take him home.
‘Want you’ and a pair of lips brush his jaw, all too soft to really feel it.
No no NO! his head screams and his body tenses.
‘Wanted you since to first day’ and the lips are working their way down to his neck.
The sudden biting and licking makes Timo jump and aware of the situation.
‘You’re drunk’ he stutters, but he knows that this is just a weak statement.
He wanted it since the first day, he wanted to touch Philipp in every possible way, not only as a friend, he wanted him.
Thousands of thoughts rushing through his mind, all the ‘wrongs’, the ‘and tomorrow?’ and the ‘oh god, yes’.
~*~
The undressing is fast and hectic, neither of them can wait. It doesn’t count when shirts rip, as long as they can finally have each other.
But when they’re both laying there, naked, they have all the time of the world.
To discover, to feel, to map each others body with their fingertips.
Timo knows he’s leaving visible bruises as he sucks at the smaller man’s neck. Tasting him, overwhelmed by it.
His mind is already limited to one word. Philipp. He’s repeating the name like a mantra, over and over again.
It’s a lust driven play.
Two bodies sreaming for the release, after so much time of waiting. Lips touching, first soft, than desperate. Suddenly the room feels like there is no air in it anymore.
Cries and growls are filling the room instead. Hands reaching out, trying to hold tight, like life would depend on it.
Their bodys are moving like one. Skin on skin, hot and slick with sweat.
They moan into each others mouth, sharing not existent air, lips that simply can’t let go.
Tripping together over to edge as the rhythm starts to lose pace.
~*~
Now he’s leaving. He has to. Spain is far away, he knows that, but there is no other chance.
After that night, their friendship wasn’t the same, the cracks too deep.
It takes him weeks to simply look into Philipp’s eyes again, just to find the glisten isn’t gone.
But he can’t stay. He wish he could, but it would destroy them completely.
~*~
‘But you can’t leave!’ Philipps says, when they stand in front of each other at the airport.
Timo sees tears in his eyes, and his heart stops beating.
‘It’s my big chance, Phil, please’ he aswers. But all he wants is to wrap his arms around him and never let go.
‘But you can’t leave!’ Philipp says again, ‘’Cause ….. ‘cause I love you’ the last words drowned in a sob.
~*~
The games with the nationalteam are completely different now.
When they see each other, it’s stiff and unnatural. All the memories heavy in their chests.
But one night Timo can’t hold it anymore. He’s tiptoeing down to Philipp’s room.
Surprised as he finds the door unlocked. Without any further thoughts he slips in.
And he slides down under the covers and wraps his arms around the small body.
He keeps murrmuring his ‘sorrys’ and ‘oh god, I love you, too’ into his neck, for minutes, hours, he doesn’t care.
As long as Philipp knows the truth, and he doesn’t care that he doesn’t love him anymore.
But when Philipp turns, with that bright smile, he knows what it’s like to breathe again.
~*~
Now he sits here, all alone. It’s christmas, and he’s alone. Without him.
But that was his own choice.
A knock on the door. First he tries to ignore it, but after a few minutes it bothers him just too much, that he drags himself to the door.
‘Hi’ and a shy smile.
~*FIN*~