Reflections on family
This weekend was the 23rd anniversary of my father’s funeral. Which means it is 23 years and 3 days since I last saw my brother. We did speak very briefly last December when I called to tell him our sister had died. But, we did not exchange a lot of information.
There are times I am sad that I don’t get along with my mother’s family better.
Last week several of my cousins on that side were posting photos indicating they were at a family wedding. I guess one of a cousin’s kids was getting married.
That cousin I don’t particularly like, and never have. I’ve spoken with them once in the last 30 or so years and nothing in that brief conversation led me to think I’ve been missing much there.
But, the idea that someone in the family I am genetically a member of got married and I only know of it from indirect sources gives me some regret.
The grandfather of the person who got married is my godfather. He lives 10km from me and has for the last 10 or more years. When he moved to that retirement home I tried several times to arrange to get together for a visit.
After several attempts he sent me a message saying “I’m very busy. I’ll let you know when I have some free time and if we could get together.”
He’s 91 and retired.
But, too busy to see his godson.
I don’t see my godson often. But, he does live 500km away from me. And, I write him a letter every week.
My mother is the oldest survivor of that side of the family, and did declare me to be an embarrassment to the family.
I doubt she shared that proclamation with other family members.
So, it’s strange that the only two who I see are the one who was declared an embarrassment a couple of decades before me and the one that is adopted into the family.
It’s probably that we’re a contentious lot that don’t get along with each other for why I don’t mix with them, not my mother’s declaration.
But, sometimes it feels that way.
On my father side, as soon as he passed away his sister came straight up to me as soon as she arrived.
“Your father was wrong to have declared you an embarrassment to the family,” she said. “I am now the oldest and I revoke that statement and declare that you are not and never were and embarrassment to us.”
The fact that she said that to me so quickly and directly after my father died shows how much more I think like my father’s side of the family that my mothers.
I don’t think it would ever even occur to any of them to say something like that.
But, it meant a huge amount to me that my aunt said it to me.
I still don’t see folks from that side of the family very often. But, that’s because we’re spread across the country, not for lack of desire.