Getaway Trip to Bintan
Today marks the end of my short getaway with Greg to the Island of Bintan. I would call this another personal milestone where we go on our second first to somewhere. Of course the first being to USS now a second to Bintan which is of course my first time away with him and to Banyan Tree nonetheless. This is of course a luxurious getaway that leaves me breathless and also gives me great pleasure. In some ways i feel blessed to have been given this chance to experience the luxury getaway but of course there is always that part of me as well that feels like i do not deserve this.
It i guess an ego thing about me where normally things that i want i get it on my own effort and accord. This trip is of course planned by someone who has become someone dear to me. Greg wanted to bring me away on this trip. Pamper me to make me relax and refresh myself frysom the turmoils of the everyday life with work and problems. I am of course all grateful for that and i try not to think about it. I just going to enjoy the moment. Enjoy my time with him and spending that much of a time basking in the beauty of the place and nature.
This trip marks something which i have been wanting to do for a while. i finally confess to Greg that of course i grew from liking him to actually loving him. In many ways i terrified that i gave my heart away to him. I terrified of what to come if it doesn't work out. If he goes away for one reason whether his or mine or none of our faults. That scares the hell out of me. I risking it again this time with Greg. This is not the conventional way or typical way of anyone loving someone or something that my parents wish for me but nonetheless i know my parents ultimately wish for me to find someone i love and of course for me to be happy. I hope deep in my heart that they wish me and gives me the blessing.
Spending that hours together with Greg, long walks at the beach, talking about me and my life and his brought a much deeper connection and appreciation of me to him and i guess vice versa.it is something that i guess brought us that much closer to each other in the subtle non physical manner. That to me is somewhat a much higher level of love, trust and respect that i have of him and a deeper understanding of myself and what i need to know about me through different perspective.
Being away from everything back home, the tranquility of the place gives me a much better perspective of what i need to do when i get back. I need to manage my finances better and my career and the movement that i think i should go and get moving from. I need to do more reading, get more perspective of the world around me and things around me and lastly to learn to love myself more and look forward more than backward about what i could achieve instead of what that has gone by.
The beauty of Banyan Tree Bintan and Greg being around is that it gives me a much sense of calmness that i been needing for a while. The long restful uninterrupted sleep that i need. THe clearer better perspective of things. How i had missed the sound of the beach hitting the shores lulling me to sleep and the stillness of the place that gives me time to do lots of reflection about what in my life that needs to be changed or that needs my attention before it spirals out of control again.
This trip proves to be one that guess give me a perspective of my career and self and heightens the feeling and thought that i have of Greg and how things could be better. The trip kinda brings the relationship that i have with Greg on a higher level. I care about him more and more and i do love him more and more which i think is something happens without me realizing it. He both a friend, mentor, lover and my protector that i guess is due of me. I guess that someone once long in my life spoke is true, maybe my life will start at 30 and thats where my life will truly begin on an exciting and wonderful journey that brings me and propels me to the best that i can be both for myself but also for the people around me.
I am thankful for the lovely opportunity that i have coming here and giving myself a chance to recharge and regrow and appreciate what is around me. Thank you Greg for loving me as i am and always the guiding light. If our relationship is something that is the norm in society i believe mom and dad would be truly proud of my choice in having you as my partner.