life sucks
my life sucks right now. i try to present to the world this all together capable person and i am so fallin apart. i am numb. i can't believe this is happening. i know it is, but i still can't believe it. i know that i had a lot to do with my life being where it s right now, but i am still numb. i miss him so badly ...every second of the day. i break out in tears at the most inopportune random moments. this really sucks. i am glad that he has figured out what he needs to do to make himself a whole and healthy person..it just really sucks that it comes at my expense and it really sucks that i can see where i caused this to happen and he won't give me a chance to make it right, i love him so f&%#$ much and this is really fucking me up. and i know..cause he says so..that this is hard for him too, but he has struggled with this decision and come to the best conclusion that he can and i can't come to any conclusion except that i don't think i will ever be a whole person again. i miss so much about him..i even miss the tv face. all i want to do is bee near him..to smell him and to hold him and to kiss him and to not put so much pressure on him. he was always good enough for me.i was always afraid that i wasn't good enough for him. damn this is really fucking me up.