(no subject)
slept like a rock for the first time in a while, with the help of some over-the-counter sleepy drugs, and woke up this morning with the garbage of yesterday behind me. as i was heading to matt's house last night, it occurred to me that yesterday started off badly.
my mom asked me to help her bring some antiques from her mother's house to an auction house in oakland to be appraised, but what she really needed was for me to be an emotional crutch for her in dealing with her older sister. i don't enjoy my mother's company all that much anyway, and hearing her tone when she even mentions this sister - it's so full of resentment it makes my skin crawl. i also think that a big part of the frustration is that my mom sees this sister as standing between her and a considerable sum of money. let me tell you, the last thing you want to do is get in between my mother and some money that she thinks belongs to her. dear god, she will fight and fight and fight over it. it's one of the parts of her personality that i find most repulsive.
so there i am with her, for about two hours and i'm feeling tricked and she's behaving in this way that makes me ill and i that's when i get really passive-aggressive with her. she'll ask me a question and i'll completely ignore her as though she didn't speak at all, or i mumble my response and that makes me feel bad, too. i really love my mom, i just can't fucking stand her and this is the only way that i know how to deal with her.
this is all to say that while my conversation with lacy pushed me over the top, i think i was already cooking for a few hours beforehand. anyway, i'm glad yesterday is over and i can get on with my life.
my mom asked me to help her bring some antiques from her mother's house to an auction house in oakland to be appraised, but what she really needed was for me to be an emotional crutch for her in dealing with her older sister. i don't enjoy my mother's company all that much anyway, and hearing her tone when she even mentions this sister - it's so full of resentment it makes my skin crawl. i also think that a big part of the frustration is that my mom sees this sister as standing between her and a considerable sum of money. let me tell you, the last thing you want to do is get in between my mother and some money that she thinks belongs to her. dear god, she will fight and fight and fight over it. it's one of the parts of her personality that i find most repulsive.
so there i am with her, for about two hours and i'm feeling tricked and she's behaving in this way that makes me ill and i that's when i get really passive-aggressive with her. she'll ask me a question and i'll completely ignore her as though she didn't speak at all, or i mumble my response and that makes me feel bad, too. i really love my mom, i just can't fucking stand her and this is the only way that i know how to deal with her.
this is all to say that while my conversation with lacy pushed me over the top, i think i was already cooking for a few hours beforehand. anyway, i'm glad yesterday is over and i can get on with my life.