How Can I Already Be In Crisis Mode?
WHEN I HAD A SNOW DAY TODAY. Guys, my first day of student teaching? Aborted a la snow day! For ONE INCH OF SNOW AND A SLIGHT COAT OF ICE.
I CANNOT.
To make up for this bit of ridiculousness, I decided the day needed a fantastic end. I dropped my iPod touch and cracked the screen in the upper left corner:
Beautiful isn't it?
Tomorrow is now the official start to student teaching and instead of getting to observe my cooperative teacher, I get to watch a substitute.
All.
Day.
This comes after my first official mental breakdown of the semester. Coincidentally, it occurred at work where, shortly after this began, I managed to scrape my finger on the inside metal ring of an ice cream tub.
EVEN ICE CREAM HAS BETRAYED ME TODAY!
Then I dropped my iPod on the ground and had a cry in the bathroom.
Meanwhile, I am reading the dullest book for my education seminar to ever be penned (although I highly doubt there was a pen ever involved in the writing). As an education major, we follow it like the goddamn Bible.
Can someone remind me when I used to be excited about teaching/education? When was the last time I made a happy post about it. Really happy, not just a I AM SO GLAD THAT IS OVER WITH one, which I did make last fall. But an honest, legit I AM SO GLAD THIS IS MY FUTURE CAREER I CANNOT WAIT TO DO THIS ON MY OWN! GIVE ME STUDENTS! post.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just know I'm not happy anymore. I am physically melting down just imagining doing this for the next few months. I have been in crisis meltdown, self-destruct mode well before I even received my student teaching placement.
This isn't just a cry of I CANNOT DO IT. It's a cry of I REALLY DON'T WANT TO. OMG WHY DO I HAVE TO? I DON'T WANT TO GO IN TOMORROW LET ALONE EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.
I want to take normal classes. I want to change my major. I want to switch off that little voice in the back of my head that reaches down and yanks at my gut and has been making my IBS flare off the fucking chart because I am SO STRESSED OUT.
Most people can see themselves doing a job five years down the line? I cannot see myself even doing this for the next few months. Let alone in the fall. Or forever.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity. Fuck. Fuck.
This entry was originally posted at http://faynia.dreamwidth.org/279113.html. Please comment there using OpenID. (comments:
)
I CANNOT.
To make up for this bit of ridiculousness, I decided the day needed a fantastic end. I dropped my iPod touch and cracked the screen in the upper left corner:
Beautiful isn't it?
Tomorrow is now the official start to student teaching and instead of getting to observe my cooperative teacher, I get to watch a substitute.
All.
Day.
This comes after my first official mental breakdown of the semester. Coincidentally, it occurred at work where, shortly after this began, I managed to scrape my finger on the inside metal ring of an ice cream tub.
EVEN ICE CREAM HAS BETRAYED ME TODAY!
Then I dropped my iPod on the ground and had a cry in the bathroom.
Meanwhile, I am reading the dullest book for my education seminar to ever be penned (although I highly doubt there was a pen ever involved in the writing). As an education major, we follow it like the goddamn Bible.
Can someone remind me when I used to be excited about teaching/education? When was the last time I made a happy post about it. Really happy, not just a I AM SO GLAD THAT IS OVER WITH one, which I did make last fall. But an honest, legit I AM SO GLAD THIS IS MY FUTURE CAREER I CANNOT WAIT TO DO THIS ON MY OWN! GIVE ME STUDENTS! post.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just know I'm not happy anymore. I am physically melting down just imagining doing this for the next few months. I have been in crisis meltdown, self-destruct mode well before I even received my student teaching placement.
This isn't just a cry of I CANNOT DO IT. It's a cry of I REALLY DON'T WANT TO. OMG WHY DO I HAVE TO? I DON'T WANT TO GO IN TOMORROW LET ALONE EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.
I want to take normal classes. I want to change my major. I want to switch off that little voice in the back of my head that reaches down and yanks at my gut and has been making my IBS flare off the fucking chart because I am SO STRESSED OUT.
Most people can see themselves doing a job five years down the line? I cannot see myself even doing this for the next few months. Let alone in the fall. Or forever.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity. Fuck. Fuck.
This entry was originally posted at http://faynia.dreamwidth.org/279113.html. Please comment there using OpenID. (comments:
)