so...
i was reading some old journal entries from my oknerd journal. and i came across the ones about anthony. like, when i first met him, when i first realized i'm in love with him. stuff like that.
here's the one from when i first realized i'm in love:
"so i've been thinking a lot lately...
i think i'm in love. i know its really soon...but i cant help how i feel. i'm afraid to tell him. i'm afraid it will scare him off. i dont want to lose him over something that i can keep to myself. although, it IS very hard. i want to tell him everytime i'm laying there looking into his eyes. but its so hard to spit the words out. i'll take a breath, and start to tell him, but right as i open my mouth, i chicken out. i'm such a sissy. i need to tell him. but then again, maybe he doesnt need to know this soon. i just hope this entry doesnt scare him off. i do care about him deeply. whether its love or not, i feel very strongly for the boy.
Anthony, if you are reading this (which i'm pretty sure you are), i want you to know that its alright if you dont feel the same way as i do. i understand that we havent been together that long. and i know you probably dont feel like this about me. so i'm not expecting you to say it back. i'm not expecting you to feel the same way. but i do think i'm in love with you. you're so perfect. you may not think so, but i do. maybe not perfect...no one is perfect. but i think you are perfect for me. we get along so well. and i feel so awesome whenever i'm with you. i'm dreading taking you back to southside today. i dont want you to go. and having to be the one who takes you is killing me. that's why i made up that story about your mom being at work, so you could stay another night with me. (which was a great night, by the way.) anyway, i want to talk to you in person about this, but i will completely understand if you dont want to. i know you're not an emotional person. and thats fine. but, if you do want to talk, just let me know. i'm down anytime.
<3 Jessica"
every word of that still applies to this day.
♥ Jessica
here's the one from when i first realized i'm in love:
"so i've been thinking a lot lately...
i think i'm in love. i know its really soon...but i cant help how i feel. i'm afraid to tell him. i'm afraid it will scare him off. i dont want to lose him over something that i can keep to myself. although, it IS very hard. i want to tell him everytime i'm laying there looking into his eyes. but its so hard to spit the words out. i'll take a breath, and start to tell him, but right as i open my mouth, i chicken out. i'm such a sissy. i need to tell him. but then again, maybe he doesnt need to know this soon. i just hope this entry doesnt scare him off. i do care about him deeply. whether its love or not, i feel very strongly for the boy.
Anthony, if you are reading this (which i'm pretty sure you are), i want you to know that its alright if you dont feel the same way as i do. i understand that we havent been together that long. and i know you probably dont feel like this about me. so i'm not expecting you to say it back. i'm not expecting you to feel the same way. but i do think i'm in love with you. you're so perfect. you may not think so, but i do. maybe not perfect...no one is perfect. but i think you are perfect for me. we get along so well. and i feel so awesome whenever i'm with you. i'm dreading taking you back to southside today. i dont want you to go. and having to be the one who takes you is killing me. that's why i made up that story about your mom being at work, so you could stay another night with me. (which was a great night, by the way.) anyway, i want to talk to you in person about this, but i will completely understand if you dont want to. i know you're not an emotional person. and thats fine. but, if you do want to talk, just let me know. i'm down anytime.
<3 Jessica"
every word of that still applies to this day.
♥ Jessica