thinking
ive been thinking somewhat about my family... and i realized that i am weirdly just not close to mine, which has been bothering me alot lately.
i mean, take my brother for example. we have different dads, yes, but we grew up together in the same household my entire life ... well with the expection of a year or so when he lived with my grandma... but still, we grew up normally as a brother and sister. but my brother and i could not be any more different. i cant think of one thing right now that we have in common besides the fact that we have the same mom. and to be frank, i dont know my brother at all. i mean really, i know almost nothing about him personally besides that he has anger problems... and other obvious things like the music he likes and stuff. i know i should be greatful for that, because there are people who have siblings they have never met... but how odd is it that i had my whole childhood with my brother and i barely even know him? i get sad about it sometimes... like he came down to houston and he gave me a ride home from work, and it was like riding with a stranger. we had absolutely nothing to talk about to eachother. when i look back on things, i feel like i missed out on alot not having a close relationship with my brother. in alot of ways, i feel like an only child.
there have been alot of things going on in my dads side of the family these past couple of years... my cousin just got through with back surgery and he was in bad condition for a while, my other cousin got into a car accident and he may not ever walk right again, and my grandpa who is in his 80s just got out of the hospital for random things and he isnt doing so well. i dont cry about it... because its like i dont even know these people. well, my cousin who had surgery yes, because i was pretty close to him for a while... but things like this just really bother me. im a social person, and i dont ever try not to get close to people... i just dont understand. family is supposed to be one of the most important things in your life, your supposed to have the closest relationships with your family. how is it that someone like me could be so close but so distant from her own family ?
my dad and i talk mostly through email, and he has emailed me numerously when things have happened to people in our family. when he does, like when he told me that my grandpa was in the hospital... i didnt know what to say when i replied. alot of times, i pretent i didnt get the email for days after i really did get it... just because i dont really know how to reply. it sounds so terrible, but i just dont really feel anything, and i know i should. i mean, i do feel sad... bc i do love and care for these people, but at the same time, i dont not know them. ... does that make me a bad person ? does this mean im the black sheep of my family ... ? im so confused
i mean, take my brother for example. we have different dads, yes, but we grew up together in the same household my entire life ... well with the expection of a year or so when he lived with my grandma... but still, we grew up normally as a brother and sister. but my brother and i could not be any more different. i cant think of one thing right now that we have in common besides the fact that we have the same mom. and to be frank, i dont know my brother at all. i mean really, i know almost nothing about him personally besides that he has anger problems... and other obvious things like the music he likes and stuff. i know i should be greatful for that, because there are people who have siblings they have never met... but how odd is it that i had my whole childhood with my brother and i barely even know him? i get sad about it sometimes... like he came down to houston and he gave me a ride home from work, and it was like riding with a stranger. we had absolutely nothing to talk about to eachother. when i look back on things, i feel like i missed out on alot not having a close relationship with my brother. in alot of ways, i feel like an only child.
there have been alot of things going on in my dads side of the family these past couple of years... my cousin just got through with back surgery and he was in bad condition for a while, my other cousin got into a car accident and he may not ever walk right again, and my grandpa who is in his 80s just got out of the hospital for random things and he isnt doing so well. i dont cry about it... because its like i dont even know these people. well, my cousin who had surgery yes, because i was pretty close to him for a while... but things like this just really bother me. im a social person, and i dont ever try not to get close to people... i just dont understand. family is supposed to be one of the most important things in your life, your supposed to have the closest relationships with your family. how is it that someone like me could be so close but so distant from her own family ?
my dad and i talk mostly through email, and he has emailed me numerously when things have happened to people in our family. when he does, like when he told me that my grandpa was in the hospital... i didnt know what to say when i replied. alot of times, i pretent i didnt get the email for days after i really did get it... just because i dont really know how to reply. it sounds so terrible, but i just dont really feel anything, and i know i should. i mean, i do feel sad... bc i do love and care for these people, but at the same time, i dont not know them. ... does that make me a bad person ? does this mean im the black sheep of my family ... ? im so confused