(no subject)
So I haven't posted in a while so I figured I would. Things have been kinda hectic but calm at the same time. I'm kinda in shock with things that have been going on lately. My family has been offering to pick me up to go down there alot and I don't know. That's something I've wished and said for so long its just weird hearing them offer it without me even saying anything. My sister in law offered to pick me up so I can spend New Years with my friends. So that's just so strange. Each trip that my sister has picked me up we've been talking about the past. It was just something randomly brought up by her and I think it's good that she's getting it out. I learned a totally new reason as to why things happened when I thought differently. I even learned my brother asked how my dad was doing. Im still completely shocked about that. Im not entirely sure what to think.
My dad held his granddaughter for the first time one christmas eve. That was something i don't think i'll ever forget. I love her more than anything in the world. When i first knocked on the door that night i wasn't expecting to see her (my neice) and there she was. I gasped and did like an "o" face. (no not that kind of o face) and she did it took and wanted me to hold her. I never thought someone could mean that much too me until she was born and able to show what she wants. The way i feel about her and im just her aunt i just can't imagine the love i will have for my own child. You never understand till your a parent your self. The feeling is just amazing to be able to hold her and her want me. My nephew on the other hand doesn't like me. He says no and turns the other direction when ever i go near him. I get really frustrated when he does that. They say it's because he doesn't know me but Ryan see's him less than i see him and he loves ryan. It really hurts me to be around dylan when he does that.
I've felt like i am going to lose it lately but i think thats just because of the talking i've been doing with my sister. Things i thought i was over im not over entirely. I told her that mom didn't fight for me because she would get more money if she didn't. She was speachless about that. She also asked me how i felt when mom went on her date. To fill you in mom was in for 3 day's for my neices birthday. The only day she was here for a full day,which was the day of the party, she was only there long enough for the party and then she went on her date and didn't come in till 1 30. I told her that it didn't bother me because I was use to her trying to get ride of me so she can go on dates. Michelle said that it upset her. She said if it wasn't for me she never would of been able to get things ready for the party and she wouldn't of known what to do if i wasn't there to help out. She also was hurt that she would want to see a man rather than her own family.
She apologized for anything she's done that has hurt me, which there have been cases, and wanted to let me know that she was there for me when ever i needed to talk and for a biased opinion. I told her that I only had one issue with everyone and that is the holidays and everyone not talking to him. She asked what everyone could do and i didn't want to say " start talking to him" because i didn't want her to do that because of me. I wanted her to WANT to talk to him. I told her that there is nothing mom can do anymore to hurt me because i know how she can be and she will never change and theres no use to start anything over her being her.
I have so many issues with my mom that i have bottled up that i could write a book so theres no use to keep going on about it.
Cosmetology school is just draining me. I don't want to be there anymore. I just want it to be over with. Im just doing so much at once its draining me and i NEED a big break. Plus im missing so much of it because i can't get a ride that it just adding on to how much longer its going to take me to get it over with.
So too sum everything up, it looks like michelle and i talking is doing good. things have changed drastically already. I just hope the future will be even better.
My dad held his granddaughter for the first time one christmas eve. That was something i don't think i'll ever forget. I love her more than anything in the world. When i first knocked on the door that night i wasn't expecting to see her (my neice) and there she was. I gasped and did like an "o" face. (no not that kind of o face) and she did it took and wanted me to hold her. I never thought someone could mean that much too me until she was born and able to show what she wants. The way i feel about her and im just her aunt i just can't imagine the love i will have for my own child. You never understand till your a parent your self. The feeling is just amazing to be able to hold her and her want me. My nephew on the other hand doesn't like me. He says no and turns the other direction when ever i go near him. I get really frustrated when he does that. They say it's because he doesn't know me but Ryan see's him less than i see him and he loves ryan. It really hurts me to be around dylan when he does that.
I've felt like i am going to lose it lately but i think thats just because of the talking i've been doing with my sister. Things i thought i was over im not over entirely. I told her that mom didn't fight for me because she would get more money if she didn't. She was speachless about that. She also asked me how i felt when mom went on her date. To fill you in mom was in for 3 day's for my neices birthday. The only day she was here for a full day,which was the day of the party, she was only there long enough for the party and then she went on her date and didn't come in till 1 30. I told her that it didn't bother me because I was use to her trying to get ride of me so she can go on dates. Michelle said that it upset her. She said if it wasn't for me she never would of been able to get things ready for the party and she wouldn't of known what to do if i wasn't there to help out. She also was hurt that she would want to see a man rather than her own family.
She apologized for anything she's done that has hurt me, which there have been cases, and wanted to let me know that she was there for me when ever i needed to talk and for a biased opinion. I told her that I only had one issue with everyone and that is the holidays and everyone not talking to him. She asked what everyone could do and i didn't want to say " start talking to him" because i didn't want her to do that because of me. I wanted her to WANT to talk to him. I told her that there is nothing mom can do anymore to hurt me because i know how she can be and she will never change and theres no use to start anything over her being her.
I have so many issues with my mom that i have bottled up that i could write a book so theres no use to keep going on about it.
Cosmetology school is just draining me. I don't want to be there anymore. I just want it to be over with. Im just doing so much at once its draining me and i NEED a big break. Plus im missing so much of it because i can't get a ride that it just adding on to how much longer its going to take me to get it over with.
So too sum everything up, it looks like michelle and i talking is doing good. things have changed drastically already. I just hope the future will be even better.