Help. Help. Help.

[fayellen]

I'm breaking here.

I realised today that my school is holding me back a year.

My Mum said, "But you've know that for ages yada yada yada..."  YES!  I've known.  But I never realised.  And it suddenly came crashing down on me.
Kinda like the way a pregnant person might know they're pregnant, but not realise it until the scan and they see their baby on the ultrasound machine and think, "Holy shit I'm gonna have a baby."  That's kinda like what happened to me.
I thought, "Holy shit I'm being held back a year."  and my mouth dropped open my eyes went wide my mind went blank....  Y'know a real 'Hoy shit' moment like you see in the movies.
Then I had a panic attack.
Y'know what I thought?!
I thought, "This is just like the 8th of October.  This is just like when I found out The Academy Is... broke up."  I had a panic attack then as well.
My mind works in fucked up ways.

I'd honestly rather be a highschool drop out.

But guess FUCKING WHAT?!
My school won't FUCKING LET ME DROP OUT!
Surely that's not FUCKING ALLOWED!

I just want out.

Fucking prison.

Please...
Anybody.
if you can stand talking to an angry/frustrated/depressed/crushed/upset teenage girl....
Please do.

I kinda need you to.

Faye