ELDERLY LADIES
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the
beach?" _____________________
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat
on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward,
but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes,
I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied, "Sir,anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought
this hat yesterday!" ____________________
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used
to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big
onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I
can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about." __________________
AND MY FAVOURITE .
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through red light." After a few more minutes
they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went
right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had
been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was
getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next
intersection,sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right
through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know
that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shit! Am I driving?
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the
beach?" _____________________
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat
on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward,
but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes,
I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied, "Sir,anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought
this hat yesterday!" ____________________
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used
to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big
onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I
can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about." __________________
AND MY FAVOURITE .
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through red light." After a few more minutes
they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went
right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had
been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was
getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next
intersection,sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right
through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know
that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shit! Am I driving?