Don't You Wish it Was the Easter Beagle, Sam Winchestser?
Title: Don’t You Wish it was the Easter Beagle, Sam Winchester?
Summary: Sam and Dean encounter a problem of the bunny variety.
A/N: I wrote this a long, long time ago. It’s completely random and meant to be funny but I make no promises on my sense of humor. I’m only posting because sendintheklowns is MAKING me. So, blame her :) She also beta’ed this odd excuse for humor fic.
Disclaimer: I suppose the bunnies are mine, but Sam and Dean, not so much.
-o-
"Dude, where'd it go?"
"I don't know, did you see it?"
"That's why I'm asking you!"
"You're the one who was supposed to be watching it!"
"Gee, Sam, I'm sorry," Dean snapped. "I was too busy trying to keep it from skewering you on a branch to watch where the black cloud went to."
"Well, I was too busy reading the exorcism!"
"Which you didn't finish."
Sam glared. "Because you let it get away.'
"Are you going to be helpful or just a pain in the ass?"
Sam sighed, dramatically. "It couldn't have gone far. We made sure to bless the perimeter off the area. It can't get out of the woods."
Dean glanced around. "You do realize these woods are--"
"--not as large as they could be," Sam finished for him pointedly. "But we better get looking."
"Oh, joy," Dean muttered, pulling out his holy water and flipping the journal open to an exorcism of his own.
The search started in silence, peering through the local area, looking for any possible black mists. Dean saw something, once, but ended up dousing a not-too-happy spider with hard earned holy water.
They finally reached the road which navigated through the last stretch of dwindling forest. On one side of the road stretched a field, wide and deep and full of nooks and crannies.
"Let's go this way," Dean said, nodding toward the road.
"The road?"
"Yeah," Dean said. "Why not?"
"Well, if the demon is trying not to be found, it probably wouldn't stay by the road," Sam reasoned.
"But if it's looking to possess someone--"
Sam shook his head determinedly. "Not with us on its trail."
Dean's eyes narrowed. "I'm not crossing that field."
Surveying the field, Sam tried to figure out why. "It's just a field, Dean."
"A field of rabbits," Dean said, nodding out at it again.
Sam looked closer this time, and Dean was right. There was a multitude of small furry creatures in the field. "So?"
Dean looked incredulous. "So? They're rabbits."
"We see rabbits all the time."
"Not like that."
"They're just harmless little bunnies, Dean," Sam said emphatically. "I really don't think that's anything to be scared of. We used to throw rocks at them as kids."
"Yeah and I killed one once," Dean snorted in reply. "They've looked at me funny ever since."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, fine. Then I'll explore the field and you can look for signs along the road."
Dean grinned. "Sounds like a plan."
Sam scoffed, tossing his head, before marching purposefully out into the field. He cast a purposeful look back at his brother, who was strolling back down along the road.
Dean didn't say anything, just shook his head again, before disappearing around the bend.
"Wimp," Sam muttered, a half-smile on his face.
The field wasn't very large, but it was flanked on both sides by a thicket of trees. The road ran the long way around it, but Sam could see the outline of civilization just beyond the field. All the more reason to find this demon and send it back to hell.
He glanced down, noting the various holes and bumps in the terrain. He just had to watch for holes and he'd be back in no time, making his bed warm while Dean was still trudging his way back home.
Plus, this was more scenic. Dean was always talking about how he didn't know how to slow down and appreciate things. Well, he could appreciate this. A nice day, blue skies, and happy wildlife milling about.
There was a lot of wildlife. Well, a lot of bunnies anyway. It was practically an entire colony. In all of Sam's short life, he'd seen some weird things, but nothing quite that weird.
At first glance, they looked cute and haphazard, spread throughout the field in front of burrows and tucked in the long grass. But as he approached them, he got a different vibe, something...sinister?
But they were bunnies. Just furry little, hopping bunnies.
A few skittered out of his way, ducking into holes or darting toward the wood. But the rest--the rest just sat there. Staring. Their noses went still and their ears didn't even twitch.
Sam swallowed reflexively, suddenly wishing his brother was here.
His pace slowed and his heart rate picked up.
Something just wasn't right.
His fingers tensed and he could feel the weight of the gun tucked in his pants, there if he needed it.
If he needed it?
Against bunnies?
He nearly laughed, breathing out heavily.
It was then that a little bunny hopped closer to him.
He cocked his head, pausing.
The bunny approached.
"Hey there, little guy," Sam crooned.
Soon, the bunny was at his feet and Sam kneeled down, curious. These animals were far too calm, too domestic. They couldn't possibly be wild bunnies, not with this type of behavior.
He reached down, tentative, letting his fingers stroke the ear of the bunny. He nestled into his hand and Sam smiled. Jess had always liked small furry things, and bunnies had been no exception.
Its little nose raised to his palm and Sam felt the coolness tickle him.
"Hey," he said. "Easy now."
The bunny pulled away, and seemed to look at him.
Sam looked back, puzzled.
Then a look passed through the bunny's eyes. Something dark. Something--
He barely had time to notice the movement to his side, a flash of fur and teeth.
Looking up, he saw the first bunny before it hit him squarely in the chest.
It wasn't so much the force of the jump as the timing and the fact that the bunny had the element of surprise. Being, well, a bunny.
Not to mention the fact that his balance had been precarious at best, and he tumbled gracelessly onto his backside, the bunny planted firmly on his chest.
Sam gasped, perplexed, but he had no time for confusion before another bunny leapt onto him, landing solidly on his stomach.
"What the--"
His question was cut off by the gnawing of teeth on his arm.
More bunnies.
Bunnies everywhere
All the bunnies of the field on converged on him, surrounding him.
He attempted to rise, hoping to sprint his way free of the sudden deluge of fur, but there were too many. They jumped onto his body, pinning him down by their numbers, while their buck teeth began to nibble away at his extremities. Sam thrashed, hard and fast, his eyes squeezed shut, hoping to protect his face.
He tasted fur and he spit hair, coughing and struggling to breathe as the four legged critters began pouncing up and down on his chest.
They were going to kill him.
He was going to be killed by a pack of rabid bunnies.
He would never live this down.
Right then, though, all he really cared about was the living part.
Suddenly there was a yell and a crack, then a sizzling sound and the smell of roasted rabbit.
Bodies scurried over him and off him, and Sam made out the distant chords of Latin.
There was a humming, growing and then throbbing before dissipating with a loud and final thump.
The weight left Sam and the fur disappeared. Sam lay there, eyes closed, and wondered if he was still alive.
"Sam?"
Dean.
Dean's voice.
Sam cracked his eyes and saw his brother standing over him.
"Sam?"
Sam coughed, feeling a hairball in his throat. "Dean."
Dean crinkled his nose as he examined him. "Guess we know where the demon went," he said.
Sam propped himself up on his elbows and saw the field littered with fallen bunnies. "They were possessed!"
"Sure," Dean said, offering out his hand. "Unless you think bunnies do this for fun."
Sam just groaned. He had just walked through a field of possessed bunnies of all things and nearly been killed by them. He closed his eyes, hoping that if he fell asleep, none of it would be real.
"Uh, Sam?"
Sam cracked his eyes. "What?"
"Can we go now?"
Sam scowled. He wanted to wallow in his own pathetic nature awhile longer. "Why?"
"Because," Dean said, nodding nervously at the surroundings. "If we don't get out of here now, the bunnies are going to wake up soon."
Sam groaned again, louder this time and he propped himself up. "You're kidding me, right?"
"They're already twitching."
With a huff, Sam pushed himself to his feet. "There? You happy?"
"I'll be happy when I'm back in the car away from these rabid little things."
"Bunnies."
"That just tried to kill your life."
"Look, let's just get out of here," Sam said, taking a shaky step forward.
Dean's hand went out to him without a word, steadying him until Sam was ready to take another step. "You won't hear me complaining."
"No," Sam snipped. "Just whining like a little girl."
"We should probably leave that part out when we retell this story."
Sam snorted. "Why don't we leave out the bunnies altogether?"
"Because," Dean said as a matter of fact. "The bunnies are the best part. They're the thing."
"The bunnies are the thing?"
Dean nodded seriously. "Always, little brother. And don't you forget it."
Summary: Sam and Dean encounter a problem of the bunny variety.
A/N: I wrote this a long, long time ago. It’s completely random and meant to be funny but I make no promises on my sense of humor. I’m only posting because sendintheklowns is MAKING me. So, blame her :) She also beta’ed this odd excuse for humor fic.
Disclaimer: I suppose the bunnies are mine, but Sam and Dean, not so much.
-o-
"Dude, where'd it go?"
"I don't know, did you see it?"
"That's why I'm asking you!"
"You're the one who was supposed to be watching it!"
"Gee, Sam, I'm sorry," Dean snapped. "I was too busy trying to keep it from skewering you on a branch to watch where the black cloud went to."
"Well, I was too busy reading the exorcism!"
"Which you didn't finish."
Sam glared. "Because you let it get away.'
"Are you going to be helpful or just a pain in the ass?"
Sam sighed, dramatically. "It couldn't have gone far. We made sure to bless the perimeter off the area. It can't get out of the woods."
Dean glanced around. "You do realize these woods are--"
"--not as large as they could be," Sam finished for him pointedly. "But we better get looking."
"Oh, joy," Dean muttered, pulling out his holy water and flipping the journal open to an exorcism of his own.
The search started in silence, peering through the local area, looking for any possible black mists. Dean saw something, once, but ended up dousing a not-too-happy spider with hard earned holy water.
They finally reached the road which navigated through the last stretch of dwindling forest. On one side of the road stretched a field, wide and deep and full of nooks and crannies.
"Let's go this way," Dean said, nodding toward the road.
"The road?"
"Yeah," Dean said. "Why not?"
"Well, if the demon is trying not to be found, it probably wouldn't stay by the road," Sam reasoned.
"But if it's looking to possess someone--"
Sam shook his head determinedly. "Not with us on its trail."
Dean's eyes narrowed. "I'm not crossing that field."
Surveying the field, Sam tried to figure out why. "It's just a field, Dean."
"A field of rabbits," Dean said, nodding out at it again.
Sam looked closer this time, and Dean was right. There was a multitude of small furry creatures in the field. "So?"
Dean looked incredulous. "So? They're rabbits."
"We see rabbits all the time."
"Not like that."
"They're just harmless little bunnies, Dean," Sam said emphatically. "I really don't think that's anything to be scared of. We used to throw rocks at them as kids."
"Yeah and I killed one once," Dean snorted in reply. "They've looked at me funny ever since."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, fine. Then I'll explore the field and you can look for signs along the road."
Dean grinned. "Sounds like a plan."
Sam scoffed, tossing his head, before marching purposefully out into the field. He cast a purposeful look back at his brother, who was strolling back down along the road.
Dean didn't say anything, just shook his head again, before disappearing around the bend.
"Wimp," Sam muttered, a half-smile on his face.
The field wasn't very large, but it was flanked on both sides by a thicket of trees. The road ran the long way around it, but Sam could see the outline of civilization just beyond the field. All the more reason to find this demon and send it back to hell.
He glanced down, noting the various holes and bumps in the terrain. He just had to watch for holes and he'd be back in no time, making his bed warm while Dean was still trudging his way back home.
Plus, this was more scenic. Dean was always talking about how he didn't know how to slow down and appreciate things. Well, he could appreciate this. A nice day, blue skies, and happy wildlife milling about.
There was a lot of wildlife. Well, a lot of bunnies anyway. It was practically an entire colony. In all of Sam's short life, he'd seen some weird things, but nothing quite that weird.
At first glance, they looked cute and haphazard, spread throughout the field in front of burrows and tucked in the long grass. But as he approached them, he got a different vibe, something...sinister?
But they were bunnies. Just furry little, hopping bunnies.
A few skittered out of his way, ducking into holes or darting toward the wood. But the rest--the rest just sat there. Staring. Their noses went still and their ears didn't even twitch.
Sam swallowed reflexively, suddenly wishing his brother was here.
His pace slowed and his heart rate picked up.
Something just wasn't right.
His fingers tensed and he could feel the weight of the gun tucked in his pants, there if he needed it.
If he needed it?
Against bunnies?
He nearly laughed, breathing out heavily.
It was then that a little bunny hopped closer to him.
He cocked his head, pausing.
The bunny approached.
"Hey there, little guy," Sam crooned.
Soon, the bunny was at his feet and Sam kneeled down, curious. These animals were far too calm, too domestic. They couldn't possibly be wild bunnies, not with this type of behavior.
He reached down, tentative, letting his fingers stroke the ear of the bunny. He nestled into his hand and Sam smiled. Jess had always liked small furry things, and bunnies had been no exception.
Its little nose raised to his palm and Sam felt the coolness tickle him.
"Hey," he said. "Easy now."
The bunny pulled away, and seemed to look at him.
Sam looked back, puzzled.
Then a look passed through the bunny's eyes. Something dark. Something--
He barely had time to notice the movement to his side, a flash of fur and teeth.
Looking up, he saw the first bunny before it hit him squarely in the chest.
It wasn't so much the force of the jump as the timing and the fact that the bunny had the element of surprise. Being, well, a bunny.
Not to mention the fact that his balance had been precarious at best, and he tumbled gracelessly onto his backside, the bunny planted firmly on his chest.
Sam gasped, perplexed, but he had no time for confusion before another bunny leapt onto him, landing solidly on his stomach.
"What the--"
His question was cut off by the gnawing of teeth on his arm.
More bunnies.
Bunnies everywhere
All the bunnies of the field on converged on him, surrounding him.
He attempted to rise, hoping to sprint his way free of the sudden deluge of fur, but there were too many. They jumped onto his body, pinning him down by their numbers, while their buck teeth began to nibble away at his extremities. Sam thrashed, hard and fast, his eyes squeezed shut, hoping to protect his face.
He tasted fur and he spit hair, coughing and struggling to breathe as the four legged critters began pouncing up and down on his chest.
They were going to kill him.
He was going to be killed by a pack of rabid bunnies.
He would never live this down.
Right then, though, all he really cared about was the living part.
Suddenly there was a yell and a crack, then a sizzling sound and the smell of roasted rabbit.
Bodies scurried over him and off him, and Sam made out the distant chords of Latin.
There was a humming, growing and then throbbing before dissipating with a loud and final thump.
The weight left Sam and the fur disappeared. Sam lay there, eyes closed, and wondered if he was still alive.
"Sam?"
Dean.
Dean's voice.
Sam cracked his eyes and saw his brother standing over him.
"Sam?"
Sam coughed, feeling a hairball in his throat. "Dean."
Dean crinkled his nose as he examined him. "Guess we know where the demon went," he said.
Sam propped himself up on his elbows and saw the field littered with fallen bunnies. "They were possessed!"
"Sure," Dean said, offering out his hand. "Unless you think bunnies do this for fun."
Sam just groaned. He had just walked through a field of possessed bunnies of all things and nearly been killed by them. He closed his eyes, hoping that if he fell asleep, none of it would be real.
"Uh, Sam?"
Sam cracked his eyes. "What?"
"Can we go now?"
Sam scowled. He wanted to wallow in his own pathetic nature awhile longer. "Why?"
"Because," Dean said, nodding nervously at the surroundings. "If we don't get out of here now, the bunnies are going to wake up soon."
Sam groaned again, louder this time and he propped himself up. "You're kidding me, right?"
"They're already twitching."
With a huff, Sam pushed himself to his feet. "There? You happy?"
"I'll be happy when I'm back in the car away from these rabid little things."
"Bunnies."
"That just tried to kill your life."
"Look, let's just get out of here," Sam said, taking a shaky step forward.
Dean's hand went out to him without a word, steadying him until Sam was ready to take another step. "You won't hear me complaining."
"No," Sam snipped. "Just whining like a little girl."
"We should probably leave that part out when we retell this story."
Sam snorted. "Why don't we leave out the bunnies altogether?"
"Because," Dean said as a matter of fact. "The bunnies are the best part. They're the thing."
"The bunnies are the thing?"
Dean nodded seriously. "Always, little brother. And don't you forget it."