Definition of "friend."
After years of observation, I have concluded that most people's definition of "friend" differs greatly from my own.
For most of my childhood, I had no friends. At first it was because I had no interest in other kids at all. Then when I finally started to get such interest, I started getting bullied, because I was gender noncomforming, androgynous in appearance, and behaved strangely. And, of course, because I could read things in people that made me say things that angered them because they couldn't understand how the little freak knew those things.
My first friend was someone who started out as a bully, but then I saw something in him. I don't remember what I said to him, but whatever it was made him stop bullying me, and we became friends. I don't think I really understood what it was a I saw in him then, but looking back I know it was that he was attracted to me. And I saw that in him, and accepted it, and he came to accept it in himself. (I thought, back in those days, that I was a boy.)
Then my family had to move away, and I didn't have any friends until I found the Internet. During those childhood years, I came across a lot of people who said they wanted to be friends, but had ulterior motives. Some of these people I saw through right away thanks to what I now call my Mutant Power. Others I did not see through, and got betrayed in one fashion or another. Honestly, I don't remember most of it because I was so locked up inside myself as a coping mechanism that my childhood is largely a giant blur.
So due to my childhood experiences, I came to a different definition of "friend" than most. Most people bestow the title "friend" far too quickly and readily, befriending people who are toxic, or double-cross them, or someone they're just not all that close with.
I myself take great pains to get to know the person not just with my Mutant Power, but with weeks, months, or even years of observation and constant re-reads with my Mutant Power (which, while it can usually show me who is good and who is bad, does have its flaws), before I deem someone worthy of the title "friend."
Some people I get such a clear reading on them that in just a few days or weeks I give them that worthy title. Others take longer to figure out. And some people I avoid as much as possible because my reading of them is so befuddled I can't trust it.
I have bestowed this worthy title of "friend" to Brooke, Lily (formerly Lilla), my roommate Amy, to Sorcha of the pagan meetup, to Dawna, to Amanda C., and several others. If your name is not on this list, don't worry. Just ask me and I will tell you.
But if you're not, yet, don't worry. Lily's boyfriend Jesse, as nice a man as he is, is not yet on the list because - though I have a crystal clear read on him - I just don't know him as a person well enough yet. Probably a few more weeks, though.
Some of my friends I met on the Internet have been friends for years. I know Terry has been friends with me for about 10 or 15 years.
Anyway, I just wanted to explain all this, because so many people call so many people "friend" with such readiness that the word means little to most people. But to me, it is an honorable title and if you have earned that title from me, you should feel very honored.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1225033.html
You can comment either here or there.
For most of my childhood, I had no friends. At first it was because I had no interest in other kids at all. Then when I finally started to get such interest, I started getting bullied, because I was gender noncomforming, androgynous in appearance, and behaved strangely. And, of course, because I could read things in people that made me say things that angered them because they couldn't understand how the little freak knew those things.
My first friend was someone who started out as a bully, but then I saw something in him. I don't remember what I said to him, but whatever it was made him stop bullying me, and we became friends. I don't think I really understood what it was a I saw in him then, but looking back I know it was that he was attracted to me. And I saw that in him, and accepted it, and he came to accept it in himself. (I thought, back in those days, that I was a boy.)
Then my family had to move away, and I didn't have any friends until I found the Internet. During those childhood years, I came across a lot of people who said they wanted to be friends, but had ulterior motives. Some of these people I saw through right away thanks to what I now call my Mutant Power. Others I did not see through, and got betrayed in one fashion or another. Honestly, I don't remember most of it because I was so locked up inside myself as a coping mechanism that my childhood is largely a giant blur.
So due to my childhood experiences, I came to a different definition of "friend" than most. Most people bestow the title "friend" far too quickly and readily, befriending people who are toxic, or double-cross them, or someone they're just not all that close with.
I myself take great pains to get to know the person not just with my Mutant Power, but with weeks, months, or even years of observation and constant re-reads with my Mutant Power (which, while it can usually show me who is good and who is bad, does have its flaws), before I deem someone worthy of the title "friend."
Some people I get such a clear reading on them that in just a few days or weeks I give them that worthy title. Others take longer to figure out. And some people I avoid as much as possible because my reading of them is so befuddled I can't trust it.
I have bestowed this worthy title of "friend" to Brooke, Lily (formerly Lilla), my roommate Amy, to Sorcha of the pagan meetup, to Dawna, to Amanda C., and several others. If your name is not on this list, don't worry. Just ask me and I will tell you.
But if you're not, yet, don't worry. Lily's boyfriend Jesse, as nice a man as he is, is not yet on the list because - though I have a crystal clear read on him - I just don't know him as a person well enough yet. Probably a few more weeks, though.
Some of my friends I met on the Internet have been friends for years. I know Terry has been friends with me for about 10 or 15 years.
Anyway, I just wanted to explain all this, because so many people call so many people "friend" with such readiness that the word means little to most people. But to me, it is an honorable title and if you have earned that title from me, you should feel very honored.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1225033.html
You can comment either here or there.