only one thing could take me away from the sight of electric sex glowing in the front window...

[fay21]

yeah i like that quote from the christmas story. Ralphie is referring to the infamous leg lamp. So00ooooo i feel a little like a ramble. Today was a good day! a very good day! i was supposed to have a 7 hour day today 10-5 and my boss let me go at 1! pretty sweet, both of my 1-9:30s this week were cut to 5-9:30s, and even though im going to east asia this summer, my boss said it was ok for me to come back and work during the times im not there! so all in all that was pretty sweet. even though this means an hour cut for me, its ok because its only actually worth about 30 dollars pay and i need a little time to rest. i worked 40 hours last week apparently. so i need a little rest. i got to think and write and read the bib--all the things i love best. i watched beauty and the beast last night. all i have to do now is do a little coloring and ill pretty much be as close to heaven as i can get on earth. ive been thinking and writing a short essay if you will about forgiveness, which i have yet to complete. im still pondering some things. i love to think. its one of my fav things--to imagine, ponder the possibilities. much of my life takes place internally. some people may say thats bad but hey the world is bad and i can be as free as i want in here! its been good. i would even take a bath if my bathtub wasnt dirty and i was too lazy to clean it. i got some sweet smelling cranberry bath salt junk for chrizmaz and it smells mighty good. other good christmas items: a set of pots and pans for my new house, a dig cam, a laminator, journals, a pink jewel encrusted plunger, and several gift cards. im feeling kinda weird at home--im not going to lie. like im over it. i mean i love my family, but im starting to be like yeah i dont belong here anymore. i just dont want to live with my parents anymore and its nothing out of hatred. im just not a kid anymore i guess. in other news, i think im finally starting to get some clarity in the matters of life again. i know what im missing and ive been wrong all along about how to have it. theres some fine print here this is a narrow gray area that must be closely scrutinized. its very easy to go wrong on the plane of which i speak and here, i find its not as much about what is done as much as its about how it is done. i must pay attention and stay alert. i would agree that there's much to be said for waiting, but there's a great deal of misery in waiting when you know somewhere deep that you are supposed to move. and if i am being tricked, well then, a lesson is in the process of being learned and i will not be fooled again, but i must come alive again. living dead is a dangerous waste. granted jumping, running, moving is risky too, but living paralyzed is comparable to something like slow suffocation. i must move now; its time to wake up!

"The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here."
~Romans 13:11&12~

i like this. this is good. i know that this is good.