(no subject)
oh my.
i dont know what these thoughts are.
i want some positive attention, not attention that makes me feel icky.
i keep feeling this sense of urgency to act, but then i think "why? why not just wait and see what happens?"
i'm tired of both. i dont want to wait and see, but i dont want to have to act on the first option available.
and these thoughts. i dont know what they mean. i keep coming back to the same place.
would being explicit help? i dont think so. but i hate being vague too.
...oh look, a text message at 5:30 am. from a boy.
i'm working on a dress, too. i'm turning my bridesmaid dress from my step-sis's wedding into a shorter, sexier dress, but i can't get the shape right. i'll probably work on it more tomorrow. i also need to figure out how to add to it or make it better. it needs more detail, or i need to change the top part, but im not sure what to do with it. maybe i just need to get the bottom the way i want it, and it'll look right. we'll see.
i guess i'll just keep writing.
i'm going to make a fake wedding cake. "why?" you ask. well, because my mum's co-worker's daughter knows i decorate cakes, and wants me to do her wedding cake. i'm not confident enough, but i said i'd do a practice one, and consider it from there. so i'm going to make a fake 2-tiered cake with fondant, ribbon and cala lilies.
i also bought a cake pan to make jj a guitar-shaped cake for his birthday. he'll be [stoked], but probably not really appreciate it.
...the text boy had a dream about me. a cute one.
the boy sitch has me quite confused. i feel like i've been cursed since school started. and not necessarily cursed in that i have no options, but just that i dont have the one option that i can truly commit to. not that there aren't great guys, and not that i'm having a committment issue, but theres no one that i feel the real special thing with, i think.
i also cannot decide whether to listen to other people more or less. until recently, i didn't really listen to people's advice/opinions, because i just can't take other people's experiences as gospel. and im stubborn. and now...well, no matter whether i listen to them, or do my own thing, i keep getting nowhere. or somewhere, but then shot in the foot.
i changed the display pic on my phone. it's kickass.
i dont know what these thoughts are.
i want some positive attention, not attention that makes me feel icky.
i keep feeling this sense of urgency to act, but then i think "why? why not just wait and see what happens?"
i'm tired of both. i dont want to wait and see, but i dont want to have to act on the first option available.
and these thoughts. i dont know what they mean. i keep coming back to the same place.
would being explicit help? i dont think so. but i hate being vague too.
...oh look, a text message at 5:30 am. from a boy.
i'm working on a dress, too. i'm turning my bridesmaid dress from my step-sis's wedding into a shorter, sexier dress, but i can't get the shape right. i'll probably work on it more tomorrow. i also need to figure out how to add to it or make it better. it needs more detail, or i need to change the top part, but im not sure what to do with it. maybe i just need to get the bottom the way i want it, and it'll look right. we'll see.
i guess i'll just keep writing.
i'm going to make a fake wedding cake. "why?" you ask. well, because my mum's co-worker's daughter knows i decorate cakes, and wants me to do her wedding cake. i'm not confident enough, but i said i'd do a practice one, and consider it from there. so i'm going to make a fake 2-tiered cake with fondant, ribbon and cala lilies.
i also bought a cake pan to make jj a guitar-shaped cake for his birthday. he'll be [stoked], but probably not really appreciate it.
...the text boy had a dream about me. a cute one.
the boy sitch has me quite confused. i feel like i've been cursed since school started. and not necessarily cursed in that i have no options, but just that i dont have the one option that i can truly commit to. not that there aren't great guys, and not that i'm having a committment issue, but theres no one that i feel the real special thing with, i think.
i also cannot decide whether to listen to other people more or less. until recently, i didn't really listen to people's advice/opinions, because i just can't take other people's experiences as gospel. and im stubborn. and now...well, no matter whether i listen to them, or do my own thing, i keep getting nowhere. or somewhere, but then shot in the foot.
i changed the display pic on my phone. it's kickass.