Brigit's Flame August 2014 Challenge (Week Four) - Welcome Home

[fawatson]

Title: Welcome Home
Author: Florence A. Watson
Written for: Brigit’s Flame August 2014 Challenge (week four)
Primary Prompt: Blood
Length: 635 words
Author’s Notes: (1) This story is part of a longer work that is still in progress and, within the timeline for the longer story, should come before the ficlet I wrote for Week One. The focus of each

Comments

[rubyelf]

Her intense focus on every tiny detail paints a perfect picture of how anxious she is, how important to her it is that this moment be just right.

[fawatson]

Definitely the return of one's only son merits a bit of attention! Thanks for commenting.

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

I must ruefully inform you that you drew me as editor again for this piece. I’m sorry! You know the drill by now

Re: Your BF edit!

[fawatson]

Ah, the 'less is more' rule! Yes I do see what you mean about the adverbs. They belong to the cutting room floor (and will be relegated there when I put all four parts of the story together).

[bluegerl]

She'd forgotten that her 'boy' had grown up, who'd not just gone off to school camp or something, but had come back -- a grown man.

Nasty shock... poor Lucy.

[fawatson]

I think most mothers conveniently 'forget' that kind of thing until something big - like enlisting in the army - brings it home all of a sudden. Thanks for commenting.

OMGOMGOMGOMG

[mistvieh]

Oh my gods, you're using my icon! I feel like a celebrity! Seriously, that made my entire day, holy crud. Okay, now I'm gonna read your story. Uno momento!

Re: OMGOMGOMGOMG

[fawatson]

Yes, I loved your icon years ago when I first saw it and I think it is just perfect for BF. Thank you again.

[mistvieh]

I'm a big critic for openings and closings, and I liked the closing here. After so many words to describe every itty bitty detail of this flustered woman's attempts to make sure everything is just-so, the end drops right over the edge of her stability like a dead weight -- "Laurie was in uniform." I just liked that. It made me feel something for her, even though I didn't do the smart thing and read the other entries first to really gather all the details about what is going on in her life right now.

[fawatson]

That's OK. This part of the overall story may have been written last but in the time sequence within the story it actually comes first, so the fact you came to it 'cold' and got the point of it probably gives me the best kind of feedback. Thanks for reading.