Log Post.
Who: Sirius and Regulus Black.
What: Drunken something or other which would get Regulus killed, bit of a fight, WORST CASE OF SPLINCHING EVER, and then the result.
Where: Alleyway in London > grassy cow-pasture > Regulus's cottage.
When: This week-ish.
Why: The brothers needed something new and exciting to play with.
Also: Muggle police were nearly witnesses. And a herd of cows. Yeah.
"M' just saying iss' not nat'ral," slurred Sirius, unsteady on his feet as the door of the pub swung shut behind them. The Black brothers staggered out into the street. The cold air did nothing to clear their heads, because several bottles of Ogden's were very muddling indeed.
Regulus glared blearily at his brother, seizing the older man by the collar and slamming him hard against the opposite wall. "Like youuu care," he drawled back. "Like it'd matter if t'wern't fer Lupin."
"Oof," grunted the heir. "M' loopy for Lupin," mumbled Sirius, laughing a bit giddily. "M' siriusly loopy for Lupin!" He cackled even harder, slipping a hand into his brother's hair.
Regulus growled and backhanded Sirius, hard. His motor skills were not as they should have been, though, because it ended up being a glancing blow along his brother's jaws. "Hate yer stupid fuckin' puns."
"Gerroff ya fuckin'- nah y'don't," laughed the elder Black, jaw smarting lightly. He wrapped his arms around Regulus, pulling him into the shadows of the wall. "Th' fuckin' stung a bit. Y'hit like a girl." One hand trailed down to Regulus' lower back. "Kiss it better, brother," Sirius rasped lowly, a smirk pulling at his lips.
In spite of how blindly, drunkenly angry Regulus was, his spine arched with the progression of his brother's hand along his back, eyes lidding lazily. However, instead of kissing Sirius's jaw, where he'd hit the other man, his mouth found that of the elder Black. The kiss was growling and hungry, Regulus nipping harshly at Sirius's lower lip.
"Yes," sighed Sirius, fingers tangling into Regulus' hair. He returned the brutal kiss with enthusiasm, hard and open mouthed. His other arm brought the smaller man flush against him. He broke the kiss only to reinitiate it, imperfect and messy and urgent.
Black the younger groaned into his brother's mouth, hands slipping down to Sirius's hips, pressing their bodies together more eagerly. Brain muzzy with alcohol, he knew this was wrong, and didn't care, couldn't remember the consequences, didn't try to remember them. The only thing in his narrow universe was aching need, desire for that which was taboo above all else.
Finally coming up for air, the elder Black bowed his head, huffing warm, boozy breath onto Regulus' neck. After a moment where he struggled internally to stop his head from spinning, he bit down on his brother's neck with a quiet moan, then laved wetly at it. Fingers clutched at his back.
They'd gone from fighting, to this. Regulus couldn't complain. His head fell back easily, baring more throat to his brother's ministrations, as he grasped more tightly at Sirius's hips, grinding his own against them with a gasping moan.
The other pureblood let out a ragged sounding breath, pinned between the wall and his brother's pushing hips. He kissed up Regulus' neck hungrily, the hand that had been on Regulus' back relocating and slipping up the front of his shirt. Fingernails bit into Regulus' soft skin, scraping upwards.
Regulus's back arched, emitted a sharp hiss, loving the feel of those nails on his skin. His breath came in harsh, forced pants against the side of his brother's neck, and he bit down on the flesh, not troubling himself to be remotely gentle. "Gonna tease me again, Sirius?" he groaned against that heated flesh.
Sirius' reply turned into a moaning swear as the other man's teeth sunk into his neck, and his fingers clenched sharply in Regulus' hair. He pushed his hip up into his brother's, hard. "Moony," he rasped roughly.
The younger Black was instantly alert, furious, and not at all drunk anymore. His hazel eyes widened in horror and realization, and with a gritted growl, punched his brother as hard as he could across the jaw. "You fucking prick," he snarled. Part of his anger had been self-directed, however, because there had been the smallest desire, upon realization of what his brother thought was going on, of taking advantage of that weakness.
Sirius swore, pushing his brother away from him. He gobbed a bit of blood onto the pavement and put a hand to his jaw tenderly. Slowly, Sirius' stormy eyes became more focused with anger. The pureblood lunged forward, swinging a wild punch at Regulus' face.
Regulus had sobered, but he still took the punch to the jaw, and he growled, staggering back a step before launching himself at the other man, aiming a brutal punch to Sirius's side. He could not remember many times in his life he had been so angry, so hurt and he would make his brother hurt as well, seizing the older man by the collar and trying to hurl him to the ground.
The older man struggled a moment, twisting as the collar was clenched tightly around his windpipe. He battered his fist into Regulus' rib cage almost systematically, his other leg kicking out to viciously kick at his brother's leg. His face paled slightly from lack of oxygen, and he raked his nails down the one hand holding it tight.
The younger Black grunted, hissed in pain, and was forced to release his grip, falling back a step and doubling over in pain. He wasn't sure where his wand had come from, but he'd pulled it out, pointing it at his brother's chest. "I ought to kill you, you poncey sod," he gritted. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Sirius gave a harsh laugh, swaying slightly. "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not the one in lust with my fucking brother," cackled Sirius, mouth twisting up into a mocking sneer. He drew his own wand.
"If you don't like it, stop encouraging me," Regulus hissed hatefully. "I told you that once already. Why can't you just leave me be, if you don't want me?" His eyes were pained, but his hand was steady, just begging for some reason to do his brother harm.
"Hoi, what's going on down there?" called a distinctly unfamiliar and unfriendly voice. It was not the unfriendly sort of voice that asked you for your money or your life, but the sort that asked you for your name and apparating license, which was somehow much worse.
Feet stomped toward them. Eyes wide [not innocent wide, but oh-shit-its-the-fucking-police-god-what-have-I-done-now wide] Sirius flung himself at his brother.
At the sound of the voice, Regulus's wand had disappeared serpent-quick into the inside pocket of his coat, and his own eyes widened as he rethought the action, his brother hurtling for him. He still wanted to make the man hurt - was Sirius actually trying to attack him again? - and he flinched back, against the opposite wall, attempting to avoid the elder Black's grip.
Several things happened at once. Then, they happened at twice, and at three times. Then they happened backwards, and upside down.
When they stopped happening at once, there was the smell of baked potatoes. Sirius and Regulus were in a wide, open field, alone but for a few friendly cows.
"Moo?" asked a cow. "Uuuuhnf," groaned the pile of Black.
With an annoyed snarl, Regulus uncurled his body and rather roughly kicked his brother away from him, stretching out the expanse of grass, staring up at the annoyingly starry sky. "Where the fuck did you take us, Sirius..." Black the younger trailed off, because he distinctly sounded not at all like Black the younger. He cleared his throat and tried again. "The bloody hell?" he asked weakly.
Sirius sat up slowly, rubbing his head. "It's where I'm supposed to take Remus if the wolfsbane doesn't-" he cut off. His voice sounded like he hadn't spent his entire life charring his lungs. "My arm itches," he said slowly.
"Mine doesn't..." Regulus rasped back, with dawning comprehension and growing horror. He raised a hand to his face, to his hair, shoulders broader than they should have been. He pushed up his left sleeve, ran fingers that definitely couldn't be his along the inside, and found it clean, perfect. "Oh Sirius," he groaned. "What did you do?"
"Oh Godric," moaned Sirius, engaging in similar bodily discoveries. "Oh god, I'm hideous, I'm bloody hideous, like a troll, like a troll with spattergroit-" his voice was rising higher with each new level of panic. He'd never been able to go quite that high before. "You fucking arsing twat, what did you do?!"
"If you weren't me, I would beat the hell out of you right now," Regulus snapped back, and then moaned after he'd actually admitted it. "You're the one who lunged at me and performed shoddy Apparation." He was tugging at long, unruly hair, trying to get it out of his face, shove it back. He'd never had hair this long, and he'd never wanted to, either.
"You know how strict they're getting about Dueling While Drinking," Sirius snapped back. "And stop it, goddammit; you're messing up my hair!" A long, horrified pause. "Oh Godric. We have to fix this, now." He clambered through the grass to his brother. ".....I think I just kneeled in a cow pie."
"Your hair needs it!" Regulus growled, quickly sitting up, and then staggering to his feet. It was strange being even just a few inches taller than usual. Quick as anything, though surprisingly less agile, he stayed out of his brother's reach. "Oh no. I'm not trusting you to fix anything. You're the one that mucked this up in the first place!"
Clambering up after him, Sirius immediately fell over, having over-flung his smaller weight. A cow moo'd. Sirius swore fluently at it.
Regulus rolled his eyes and stepped over, lifting his own body by the back of his coat, surprised at how easy it was as he set himself (Sirius?) on his feet. "Careful, would you?" he grumbled, and then began searching through pockets for his wand. He didn't want Sirius's (his?) grubby paws on it. "Look, do you even know what happened?" he snapped, annoyed by the hoarseness of his (Sirius's?) voice.
Sirius yelped, not liking how easy it had been for Regulus to push him around. He slapped at Regulus' hands- his hands- as they patted him down. "Stop it! Just, stop for a minute. Let me fucking think." He retrieved Regulus' wand out of his pocket- what the sod was he wearing? God his brother was such a ponce. "I saw the pig, I apparated us out of there to here." He blinked at himself. "You are fucking short."
"It's only a few inches!" Regulus snapped furiously, hands balling into fists. "You're not really so tall yourself..." he added in a grumble as he searched pockets for Sirius's wand and shoved it into the other man's hand. "Anyway. If you have no idea what happened, and I have no idea what happened, how would we go about fixing this?"
"Maybe.." started Sirius uncertainly, tucking his wand up his sleeve. He scratched hard at his arm, frowning down at it. "Maybe if we apparate again, it'll sort itself out? To that cow over there, the brown one." He grabbed his brother's- his!- shoulder. "Ready?"
"You're not supposed to scratch-" Regulus cut off, eyes widening as he tried to pull away from his brother's grip. "NO!" he snapped. "Don't you think that apparating again could just arse things up worse? I don't want an arm sprouting out the top of my head. Or yours. Or whatever."
Sirius looked panicked. On Regulus' usually brooding and serious face, the expression looked wildly comical.
Regulus smacked the other man in the back of the head. "Stop making my face look like that," he grumbled. "It's too late tonight to do anything about this anyway. I'm not sure you should go back to your flat looking like that, either..." he added thoughtfully. "Lupin's liable to kill you. Me. Whatever."
"Oh god, you're right, Moony," moaned Sirius covering his- Regulus'- face with his hands. "I told him Id be home by midnight, what time is it, oh my god, he'll never touch me again, he hates you, Reg," Sirius' voice had a plaintive sulk to it.
"I'm so glad you're following along," Regulus responded in dry, hoarse tones. The serious, haughty, and thoughtful lines of a very Regulus-like expression on Sirius's countenance also looked quite ridiculous. "It looks like we're going to have to apparate again. Since you put us in the middle of a field in Outer Mongolia, for all I know. I'll be handling it, though," he added almost scathingly.
"My cheekbones," murmured Sirius, as if he were truly shell shocked. "My impressive cheekbones. You stole them." Big, ridiculous brown eyes trained on the other man, pleading. "Whatever. Your place or mi- yours." He gave a nervous laugh.
"Oh...so I can do puppy dog eyes," Regulus commented distractedly. He wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders, and was surprised at how narrow they were. Maybe he needed to start working out... Shaking his head, he concentrated and there was a crack.
With no further problems, the brothers Black found themselves standing in Regulus's darkened living room. "You can have the couch," he muttered, shrugging out of Sirius's coat and dropping it unceremoniously onto a chair.
"Like fuck I'll take the couch. Why are you not half as upset as I am?" commented Sirius pitifully, already making his way to Regulus' bedroom. He shrugged off Regulus' expensive cloak, leaving it on the hallway floor behind him. His hand stopped halfway through unbuttoning Regulus' fine button down oxford. "...Would it be bad form to- sod it, like I give a toss." Just inside the door to the bedroom, he shucked off the shirt, leaving it rumpled and pathetic looking on the threshold.
"Because trouble seems to follow me around, since I've started associating with you," Regulus rasped after him in annoyance, picking up his cloak and hanging it in the closet, before trailing the other man into his bedroom. He picked up his shirt as well, tossing it into the hamper before seizing Sirius's all-too-familiar shoulder, turning him about. "You can go fantasize about Lupin from my couch," he ground out coldly. "I only share my bed with those who want to be there, and I'll not give it up to you."
Sirius tilted his head. "You are a lot prettier now. I won't be able to control my lustful urges." He rolled his eyes, smacking his brother's hand off his shoulder and walking towards the bed. He made a wicked face over his shoulder, pulling down Regulus' trousers.
It was an awkward thing, seizing one's self by the throat, but Regulus managed to do it without a flinch. "You can either take the couch," he began, slower this time, since Sirius didn't seem to understand, "or you can go home and let Lupin see you that way with no explanation to precede it; he'll probably kill you or something, by accident, and I'll get to keep this lovely body." The dangerous purr was distinctly out of character in his brother's hoarse tones, but he figured it might actually get the point across. Though this was Sirius, so probably not.
The point seemed to have hit home. Sirius' eyed were wide on Regulus' face, his mouth thinned into a line. After a moment, the eyes narrowed. "You just want me out so you can wank my body!"
Regulus's lips thinned with anger, two blotches of bright red appearing high on the cheekbones that Sirius had so been lamenting. "I WANT YOU OUT BECAUSE I AM FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU!" he shouted, and it sounded much more impressive in Sirius's voice than it would have in his own. He'd increased the pressure on his brother's throat without realizing it, and had to force his fingers to relax, though slight red marks were already blossoming on the pale skin.
Sirius' hands sprung to the ones on his windpipe. He wheezed a bit. "Do you know how fucking surreal it is to be choked by yourself?" he asked scratchily. He reached a hand up to cuff Regulus' head, hard. "Getthafuck off me, you plank. Stop being so fucking dramatic!"
"It's worse to be the one choking yourself," Regulus snapped back, using his grip to turn them about, shoving Sirius towards the door as he released him. "You're not welcome in my bedroom," he frowned. "And once we're back to normal, you'll never be welcome in my house again."
"What the fuck did I do now?" shouted Sirius, turning around instantly to face his brother. He put his hands on his hips, defiant and electric. "You're never fucking happy!"
"No. I never fucking am," Regulus replied sardonically. He stalked to the door, fingers on his brother's chest jabbing him backwards, over the threshold so he could shut it. "Just leave me alone, alright Sirius?" a note of plea entered his brother's distinctive rasp, something that did not belong in a normally carefree and careless voice.
The other pureblood looked about to protest, Regulus' mouth open. However, it snapped shut, and Sirius gave his brother a calculating glare. "This isn't over." He paused, half turned. "And keep your hands to yourself. My hands to yourself. Your hands to my....Whatever." With that, he turned on his heel, and stalked away to the couch.
If it weren't for the fact that Regulus was physically and emotionally exhausted, he would have slammed the door harder, before wheeling away to his bed, collapsing onto it without undressing, and rather more quickly than usual, falling into an uneasy slumber.
What: Drunken something or other which would get Regulus killed, bit of a fight, WORST CASE OF SPLINCHING EVER, and then the result.
Where: Alleyway in London > grassy cow-pasture > Regulus's cottage.
When: This week-ish.
Why: The brothers needed something new and exciting to play with.
Also: Muggle police were nearly witnesses. And a herd of cows. Yeah.
"M' just saying iss' not nat'ral," slurred Sirius, unsteady on his feet as the door of the pub swung shut behind them. The Black brothers staggered out into the street. The cold air did nothing to clear their heads, because several bottles of Ogden's were very muddling indeed.
Regulus glared blearily at his brother, seizing the older man by the collar and slamming him hard against the opposite wall. "Like youuu care," he drawled back. "Like it'd matter if t'wern't fer Lupin."
"Oof," grunted the heir. "M' loopy for Lupin," mumbled Sirius, laughing a bit giddily. "M' siriusly loopy for Lupin!" He cackled even harder, slipping a hand into his brother's hair.
Regulus growled and backhanded Sirius, hard. His motor skills were not as they should have been, though, because it ended up being a glancing blow along his brother's jaws. "Hate yer stupid fuckin' puns."
"Gerroff ya fuckin'- nah y'don't," laughed the elder Black, jaw smarting lightly. He wrapped his arms around Regulus, pulling him into the shadows of the wall. "Th' fuckin' stung a bit. Y'hit like a girl." One hand trailed down to Regulus' lower back. "Kiss it better, brother," Sirius rasped lowly, a smirk pulling at his lips.
In spite of how blindly, drunkenly angry Regulus was, his spine arched with the progression of his brother's hand along his back, eyes lidding lazily. However, instead of kissing Sirius's jaw, where he'd hit the other man, his mouth found that of the elder Black. The kiss was growling and hungry, Regulus nipping harshly at Sirius's lower lip.
"Yes," sighed Sirius, fingers tangling into Regulus' hair. He returned the brutal kiss with enthusiasm, hard and open mouthed. His other arm brought the smaller man flush against him. He broke the kiss only to reinitiate it, imperfect and messy and urgent.
Black the younger groaned into his brother's mouth, hands slipping down to Sirius's hips, pressing their bodies together more eagerly. Brain muzzy with alcohol, he knew this was wrong, and didn't care, couldn't remember the consequences, didn't try to remember them. The only thing in his narrow universe was aching need, desire for that which was taboo above all else.
Finally coming up for air, the elder Black bowed his head, huffing warm, boozy breath onto Regulus' neck. After a moment where he struggled internally to stop his head from spinning, he bit down on his brother's neck with a quiet moan, then laved wetly at it. Fingers clutched at his back.
They'd gone from fighting, to this. Regulus couldn't complain. His head fell back easily, baring more throat to his brother's ministrations, as he grasped more tightly at Sirius's hips, grinding his own against them with a gasping moan.
The other pureblood let out a ragged sounding breath, pinned between the wall and his brother's pushing hips. He kissed up Regulus' neck hungrily, the hand that had been on Regulus' back relocating and slipping up the front of his shirt. Fingernails bit into Regulus' soft skin, scraping upwards.
Regulus's back arched, emitted a sharp hiss, loving the feel of those nails on his skin. His breath came in harsh, forced pants against the side of his brother's neck, and he bit down on the flesh, not troubling himself to be remotely gentle. "Gonna tease me again, Sirius?" he groaned against that heated flesh.
Sirius' reply turned into a moaning swear as the other man's teeth sunk into his neck, and his fingers clenched sharply in Regulus' hair. He pushed his hip up into his brother's, hard. "Moony," he rasped roughly.
The younger Black was instantly alert, furious, and not at all drunk anymore. His hazel eyes widened in horror and realization, and with a gritted growl, punched his brother as hard as he could across the jaw. "You fucking prick," he snarled. Part of his anger had been self-directed, however, because there had been the smallest desire, upon realization of what his brother thought was going on, of taking advantage of that weakness.
Sirius swore, pushing his brother away from him. He gobbed a bit of blood onto the pavement and put a hand to his jaw tenderly. Slowly, Sirius' stormy eyes became more focused with anger. The pureblood lunged forward, swinging a wild punch at Regulus' face.
Regulus had sobered, but he still took the punch to the jaw, and he growled, staggering back a step before launching himself at the other man, aiming a brutal punch to Sirius's side. He could not remember many times in his life he had been so angry, so hurt and he would make his brother hurt as well, seizing the older man by the collar and trying to hurl him to the ground.
The older man struggled a moment, twisting as the collar was clenched tightly around his windpipe. He battered his fist into Regulus' rib cage almost systematically, his other leg kicking out to viciously kick at his brother's leg. His face paled slightly from lack of oxygen, and he raked his nails down the one hand holding it tight.
The younger Black grunted, hissed in pain, and was forced to release his grip, falling back a step and doubling over in pain. He wasn't sure where his wand had come from, but he'd pulled it out, pointing it at his brother's chest. "I ought to kill you, you poncey sod," he gritted. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Sirius gave a harsh laugh, swaying slightly. "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not the one in lust with my fucking brother," cackled Sirius, mouth twisting up into a mocking sneer. He drew his own wand.
"If you don't like it, stop encouraging me," Regulus hissed hatefully. "I told you that once already. Why can't you just leave me be, if you don't want me?" His eyes were pained, but his hand was steady, just begging for some reason to do his brother harm.
"Hoi, what's going on down there?" called a distinctly unfamiliar and unfriendly voice. It was not the unfriendly sort of voice that asked you for your money or your life, but the sort that asked you for your name and apparating license, which was somehow much worse.
Feet stomped toward them. Eyes wide [not innocent wide, but oh-shit-its-the-fucking-police-god-what-have-I-done-now wide] Sirius flung himself at his brother.
At the sound of the voice, Regulus's wand had disappeared serpent-quick into the inside pocket of his coat, and his own eyes widened as he rethought the action, his brother hurtling for him. He still wanted to make the man hurt - was Sirius actually trying to attack him again? - and he flinched back, against the opposite wall, attempting to avoid the elder Black's grip.
Several things happened at once. Then, they happened at twice, and at three times. Then they happened backwards, and upside down.
When they stopped happening at once, there was the smell of baked potatoes. Sirius and Regulus were in a wide, open field, alone but for a few friendly cows.
"Moo?" asked a cow. "Uuuuhnf," groaned the pile of Black.
With an annoyed snarl, Regulus uncurled his body and rather roughly kicked his brother away from him, stretching out the expanse of grass, staring up at the annoyingly starry sky. "Where the fuck did you take us, Sirius..." Black the younger trailed off, because he distinctly sounded not at all like Black the younger. He cleared his throat and tried again. "The bloody hell?" he asked weakly.
Sirius sat up slowly, rubbing his head. "It's where I'm supposed to take Remus if the wolfsbane doesn't-" he cut off. His voice sounded like he hadn't spent his entire life charring his lungs. "My arm itches," he said slowly.
"Mine doesn't..." Regulus rasped back, with dawning comprehension and growing horror. He raised a hand to his face, to his hair, shoulders broader than they should have been. He pushed up his left sleeve, ran fingers that definitely couldn't be his along the inside, and found it clean, perfect. "Oh Sirius," he groaned. "What did you do?"
"Oh Godric," moaned Sirius, engaging in similar bodily discoveries. "Oh god, I'm hideous, I'm bloody hideous, like a troll, like a troll with spattergroit-" his voice was rising higher with each new level of panic. He'd never been able to go quite that high before. "You fucking arsing twat, what did you do?!"
"If you weren't me, I would beat the hell out of you right now," Regulus snapped back, and then moaned after he'd actually admitted it. "You're the one who lunged at me and performed shoddy Apparation." He was tugging at long, unruly hair, trying to get it out of his face, shove it back. He'd never had hair this long, and he'd never wanted to, either.
"You know how strict they're getting about Dueling While Drinking," Sirius snapped back. "And stop it, goddammit; you're messing up my hair!" A long, horrified pause. "Oh Godric. We have to fix this, now." He clambered through the grass to his brother. ".....I think I just kneeled in a cow pie."
"Your hair needs it!" Regulus growled, quickly sitting up, and then staggering to his feet. It was strange being even just a few inches taller than usual. Quick as anything, though surprisingly less agile, he stayed out of his brother's reach. "Oh no. I'm not trusting you to fix anything. You're the one that mucked this up in the first place!"
Clambering up after him, Sirius immediately fell over, having over-flung his smaller weight. A cow moo'd. Sirius swore fluently at it.
Regulus rolled his eyes and stepped over, lifting his own body by the back of his coat, surprised at how easy it was as he set himself (Sirius?) on his feet. "Careful, would you?" he grumbled, and then began searching through pockets for his wand. He didn't want Sirius's (his?) grubby paws on it. "Look, do you even know what happened?" he snapped, annoyed by the hoarseness of his (Sirius's?) voice.
Sirius yelped, not liking how easy it had been for Regulus to push him around. He slapped at Regulus' hands- his hands- as they patted him down. "Stop it! Just, stop for a minute. Let me fucking think." He retrieved Regulus' wand out of his pocket- what the sod was he wearing? God his brother was such a ponce. "I saw the pig, I apparated us out of there to here." He blinked at himself. "You are fucking short."
"It's only a few inches!" Regulus snapped furiously, hands balling into fists. "You're not really so tall yourself..." he added in a grumble as he searched pockets for Sirius's wand and shoved it into the other man's hand. "Anyway. If you have no idea what happened, and I have no idea what happened, how would we go about fixing this?"
"Maybe.." started Sirius uncertainly, tucking his wand up his sleeve. He scratched hard at his arm, frowning down at it. "Maybe if we apparate again, it'll sort itself out? To that cow over there, the brown one." He grabbed his brother's- his!- shoulder. "Ready?"
"You're not supposed to scratch-" Regulus cut off, eyes widening as he tried to pull away from his brother's grip. "NO!" he snapped. "Don't you think that apparating again could just arse things up worse? I don't want an arm sprouting out the top of my head. Or yours. Or whatever."
Sirius looked panicked. On Regulus' usually brooding and serious face, the expression looked wildly comical.
Regulus smacked the other man in the back of the head. "Stop making my face look like that," he grumbled. "It's too late tonight to do anything about this anyway. I'm not sure you should go back to your flat looking like that, either..." he added thoughtfully. "Lupin's liable to kill you. Me. Whatever."
"Oh god, you're right, Moony," moaned Sirius covering his- Regulus'- face with his hands. "I told him Id be home by midnight, what time is it, oh my god, he'll never touch me again, he hates you, Reg," Sirius' voice had a plaintive sulk to it.
"I'm so glad you're following along," Regulus responded in dry, hoarse tones. The serious, haughty, and thoughtful lines of a very Regulus-like expression on Sirius's countenance also looked quite ridiculous. "It looks like we're going to have to apparate again. Since you put us in the middle of a field in Outer Mongolia, for all I know. I'll be handling it, though," he added almost scathingly.
"My cheekbones," murmured Sirius, as if he were truly shell shocked. "My impressive cheekbones. You stole them." Big, ridiculous brown eyes trained on the other man, pleading. "Whatever. Your place or mi- yours." He gave a nervous laugh.
"Oh...so I can do puppy dog eyes," Regulus commented distractedly. He wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders, and was surprised at how narrow they were. Maybe he needed to start working out... Shaking his head, he concentrated and there was a crack.
With no further problems, the brothers Black found themselves standing in Regulus's darkened living room. "You can have the couch," he muttered, shrugging out of Sirius's coat and dropping it unceremoniously onto a chair.
"Like fuck I'll take the couch. Why are you not half as upset as I am?" commented Sirius pitifully, already making his way to Regulus' bedroom. He shrugged off Regulus' expensive cloak, leaving it on the hallway floor behind him. His hand stopped halfway through unbuttoning Regulus' fine button down oxford. "...Would it be bad form to- sod it, like I give a toss." Just inside the door to the bedroom, he shucked off the shirt, leaving it rumpled and pathetic looking on the threshold.
"Because trouble seems to follow me around, since I've started associating with you," Regulus rasped after him in annoyance, picking up his cloak and hanging it in the closet, before trailing the other man into his bedroom. He picked up his shirt as well, tossing it into the hamper before seizing Sirius's all-too-familiar shoulder, turning him about. "You can go fantasize about Lupin from my couch," he ground out coldly. "I only share my bed with those who want to be there, and I'll not give it up to you."
Sirius tilted his head. "You are a lot prettier now. I won't be able to control my lustful urges." He rolled his eyes, smacking his brother's hand off his shoulder and walking towards the bed. He made a wicked face over his shoulder, pulling down Regulus' trousers.
It was an awkward thing, seizing one's self by the throat, but Regulus managed to do it without a flinch. "You can either take the couch," he began, slower this time, since Sirius didn't seem to understand, "or you can go home and let Lupin see you that way with no explanation to precede it; he'll probably kill you or something, by accident, and I'll get to keep this lovely body." The dangerous purr was distinctly out of character in his brother's hoarse tones, but he figured it might actually get the point across. Though this was Sirius, so probably not.
The point seemed to have hit home. Sirius' eyed were wide on Regulus' face, his mouth thinned into a line. After a moment, the eyes narrowed. "You just want me out so you can wank my body!"
Regulus's lips thinned with anger, two blotches of bright red appearing high on the cheekbones that Sirius had so been lamenting. "I WANT YOU OUT BECAUSE I AM FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU!" he shouted, and it sounded much more impressive in Sirius's voice than it would have in his own. He'd increased the pressure on his brother's throat without realizing it, and had to force his fingers to relax, though slight red marks were already blossoming on the pale skin.
Sirius' hands sprung to the ones on his windpipe. He wheezed a bit. "Do you know how fucking surreal it is to be choked by yourself?" he asked scratchily. He reached a hand up to cuff Regulus' head, hard. "Getthafuck off me, you plank. Stop being so fucking dramatic!"
"It's worse to be the one choking yourself," Regulus snapped back, using his grip to turn them about, shoving Sirius towards the door as he released him. "You're not welcome in my bedroom," he frowned. "And once we're back to normal, you'll never be welcome in my house again."
"What the fuck did I do now?" shouted Sirius, turning around instantly to face his brother. He put his hands on his hips, defiant and electric. "You're never fucking happy!"
"No. I never fucking am," Regulus replied sardonically. He stalked to the door, fingers on his brother's chest jabbing him backwards, over the threshold so he could shut it. "Just leave me alone, alright Sirius?" a note of plea entered his brother's distinctive rasp, something that did not belong in a normally carefree and careless voice.
The other pureblood looked about to protest, Regulus' mouth open. However, it snapped shut, and Sirius gave his brother a calculating glare. "This isn't over." He paused, half turned. "And keep your hands to yourself. My hands to yourself. Your hands to my....Whatever." With that, he turned on his heel, and stalked away to the couch.
If it weren't for the fact that Regulus was physically and emotionally exhausted, he would have slammed the door harder, before wheeling away to his bed, collapsing onto it without undressing, and rather more quickly than usual, falling into an uneasy slumber.