Unsleep
Filled with a nameless and almost incoherent rage, I've lain awake for the last hour picking apart in my mind many of my unresolved vendettas, vividly imagining the ways and means by which I could achieve revenge. I don't lack the sense to understand that there are too many ways I could be caught I don't know about, and lack the conviction that any such action would really be morally right. No matter how much I love to watch things burn. When it boils down to it, I resent this uncontrollable hatred, this utter disgust I feel that can keep me awake at night. Do I have unreasonable expectations of people, to feel so much anger when I am let down? Is it wrong to just cut out people from my life when it happens too often, or too powerfully?
No.
I'm now reminded of some time back in Harington Avenue, where Jeff had, characteristically, destroyed something of value to me. Having correlated Jeff's presence with similar incidents, I proceeded to ban him from the house. In time, the sentence was served, and he was allowed back onto the furniture. The difference with Jeff is that Jeff has redeeming features. Ok, the ability to truly control all of his limbs at any one point is beyond him, but when he hurt me, the hurt was temporary and unintentional, and Jeff is funny, likeable, fair and filled with an infectious energy it is great to be around.
I shall not take fault with my decision to avoid those people that consistently and intentionally injure me. It would be mad or stupid to want to be near them. Every so often, though, I shall lay awake, angry, and think on the matter of resolution - and the solution continues to escape me.