Clowder Gathering
After the last of the group had been seated, Clarence puffed up his chest and sat up straight.
“Welcome,” he chirped.
Seven faces turned to him, very alert.
“We have gathered once again,” he began, “to reiterate why it is vital to-“
“Touch me again, and I’ll bite your tail!” hissed Gretchen, an elderly gray molly. She whacked a young orange tabby tom on the head before moving up to the brick wall at the edge of the yard.
“We have gathered,” he began again, this time to be interrupted by a bird, which had landed on the tree branch above him. Seven feline faces turned their attention to the bird in the tree. Seeing no point in continuing, he settled into a crouch, and closed his eyes.
Behind him came a tapping at the window.
“Look! Tripodicus is here!” crooned Marshmallow, a calico. She stood, her tail raised to gesture a warm welcome, and crossed the yard to the house. The window opened, and a soft voice could be heard.
“There you go. Look, your friends and rivals are here. Please, no fights. We just replaced the window screen last week.”
A large, fluffy black and white gib settled in the window frame. He surveyed the clowder of cats in the yard before turning his attention to the tree.
“So nice of you to join us, Tripodicus,” Clarence sniffed. “Humans treating you well?”
The gib closed his eyes, and feigned sleep.
“As I was saying,” Clarence crooned, “We are gathered to reiterate why it’s vital to never trust humans. And our guest of honor, Tripodicus Rex, can perhaps spare a few moments to aid our cause.”
“I have nothing to do with this,” Tripodicus yawned, and returned to feigning sleep.
Marshmallow chirped, “Oh, I came to visit my friend and watch the birds. I have no qualms with humans. They feed me, provide a nice perch to sleep on, and they clean my litter box.”
The other cats turned toward the tabby. The gray molly wrapped her tail around her body and closed her eyes for a moment. “I am content with humans. Clarence, we all tire of your arguments. I too, get fresh food, a daily brushing, and snuggles. When this little tabby isn’t a nuisance, that is.”
The tabby had left to chase a bee and paid the molly no mind.
“Look at Tripodicus. He only has THREE PAWS!” Clarence bellowed. “Isn’t that reason to fear humans? They took him in, and then next thing you know, he’s missin’ a paw. What kind of terrible creatures do such a thing?”
“They were doing me a favor,” Tripodicus sniffed. “My paw was lame, and I would have removed it myself, but kitten teeth are not efficient. I have a better life now.”
Clarence closed his eyes. The bird left the tree, and once again, many pairs of eyes turned in the direction of the bird.
Two gray tabby cats rose to follow the bird’s flight path. “We had the impression that you were sharing a garden snake you had boasted about catching this morning. Instead, you howl about how the humans are just charlatans. Perhaps it is you who is the charlatan, luring us here with snake surprise, treating us with lies. So long, we have a bird to catch.”
A young black tom crossed over to Clarence, regarded him, then patted Clarence on the left shoulder.
“I think you’re jealous,” he said, “although I don’t know why. Your humans seem to like you.”
“Yeah?” Clarence puffed out his chest again. “What about THIS?” He proceeded to scratch at his neck. With each scratch came a jingle from a large bell attached to a collar.
“Oh, what’s this?” Tripodicus sat up in the window. “Catch too many birds, did you?” Tripodicus yawned and left the window.
Marshmallow approached Clarence and sniffed at the bell. “The garden snake was a lie then?” she said. “How many birds did you catch before they added this bell?”
“Uh, eight? Nine? Three of them were gifts for the humans that I reside with,” Clarence said with sad, green eyes. “It’s not fair. The birds were asking me to eat them!”
Marshmallow licked Clarence’s head in sympathy before turning to leave.
“If you stop chasing the birds, they’ll remove the bell, you know?”
“But this is the price I have to pay for love?”
“Haha, no. Just leave the birds alone, silly cat! Catch mice instead. Most humans hate those and will reward you handsomely for your efforts. Be sure to kill them though, no human wants a live mouse in their house.” With that, Marshmallow caught sight of a leaf sailing in the breeze. She chased after it and was gone.
One by one, the other cats left the clowder in search of any sort of diversion. Only Gretchen remained. Clarence was crestfallen. None seemed to think that humans had misled any of them.
Gretchen yawned. “I was like you,” she purred, “many years ago. Then I made a near fatal error. I spied our neighbor’s prized parakeet. When I claimed the parakeet for myself, the humans punished me. I had not one, but three bells attached to my collar.
“I was devastated. Feeling betrayed, I ran away. I stayed away for three days. Coyotes were abundant in our neighborhood then, and the bells gave my location away. They chased me down this very street. I ran. I screeched. I hissed. The humans had returned from some sort of journey and were in the yard. I ran past them and launched myself into the house just as the door opened.
“Being afraid of humans, the coyotes stayed in the street. But the humans saw them, and hurried inside. They were happy to see me and gave me treats and gentle pets. I was still scared, but my anger had subsided. I didn’t leave the house for a month.
“After, I never felt the desire to kill another bird. They are quite entertaining to watch, but I always remember the coyotes. Your humans are not misleading.”
Gretchen rose. “Best I find the little orange kit that lives with me. Be kind, Clarence.” She left.
Clarence scratched at his collar. The bell jingled. He sighed. It wasn’t fair, he thought. But maybe the others are right.
Behind him, the window closed. Clarence sat alone in the yard at the base of a tree. The bird returned to the branches above, but Clarence was too lost in his thoughts to notice.