(no subject)
i don't know what to say but i needed to get it down somewhere. i feel sick for feeling anything so strongly only to learn that the basis for such an endeavor was founded on lies. unbeknownst to me this was looming in the past, looking back i can't help but feel used. i feel dirty. disgusting. i want to vomit. i want to cry my eyes out. i know i shouldn't have found out, especially in the way that i did. to think that at any moment i could have been taken for a fool. with no knowledge of the potential for pain. i was susceptible. to think that i could have been risking so much. i took the situation into my own hands and this is what i am left with. i have no doubt now that my decision is final and i am left with nothing but sleeves rolled down covering the excrement in my hands.