Rant
...because it's not safe to really spill about this anywhere else outside the privacy of our own little circle of ex-pats:
I have now passed the 10 year mark since having moved from a quasi-cosmopolitan city in the northeast portion of the US midwest to a much smaller town in the Deep South -- as in deep, Deep South. I expected change, but had no idea it would be like moving to a completely different country -- one with a state religion, completely different culture, the whole works. I have several frustrations & rants from it, but today's final straw rant relates to one of those unexpected variations on how insular 80% of the population in the area where I work is (the other 20% is made up of those who either have come from elsewhere, or who lived away from here for a time before coming back and who therefore have some clue about the rest of the world).
The genteel Junior Leaguers here will tell you how they/Southerners are so much friendlier, more gratious and polite and mannerly than those up North; often when one of them returns from places like Boston or NYC or even Kansas City or Indianapolis or Minneapolis they'll say how rude Northerners are. Well, a) they confuse directness with rudeness, as no one here (sorry, but expecially women) will be direct, preferring to manipulate and be passive aggressive, I suspect because they think being direct isn't polite. They really, really believe this is better. b) they're just NOT nearly as gracious and mannerly as they think they are -- they snipe and skewer behind others' backs, they are uncharitable and callous to those they think are beneath them (and oh yes, they still see the world in terms of 'servant class' -- or worse). And as for 'more gracious and polite' -- in the 10 years I've been here I have given (individually, not kick in for group gifts) three (rather expensive) wedding gifts (one to a friend's child, I didn't even know the bride & groom), three baby shower gifts (different couples even ) and two baby gifts. Go on, ask me how many thank you notes I've received ... go on, you know what's coming.
Zip; zero; nada. NONE.
I work in a professional office with people who consider themselves pillars of the community, quite literally junior leaguers, yacht clubbers, hobnobbers ... all of whom will tell you how they are so much more mannerly and gracious and hospitable than those from 'up north.'
Yeah, well I may prove them right, because the next time I hear that I might just let fly with a whole new vocabulary that they are just too too refined to ever use themselves...
My rant is less the lack of basic manners or even kindness, it's the combination of that and their smug insistence that they truly are so much more socially adept and polite and all that -- and will tell you as much. I am ever thankful that I'm in a university town which draws people from all over, even if I work in a town that does not. I wish I could say that I have met some exceptions, but while some are better than others, there is not one native I would trust with a secret. Period. And I can't say that I have ever had that sense before, in any other workplace.
What a place, y'all.
I have now passed the 10 year mark since having moved from a quasi-cosmopolitan city in the northeast portion of the US midwest to a much smaller town in the Deep South -- as in deep, Deep South. I expected change, but had no idea it would be like moving to a completely different country -- one with a state religion, completely different culture, the whole works. I have several frustrations & rants from it, but today's final straw rant relates to one of those unexpected variations on how insular 80% of the population in the area where I work is (the other 20% is made up of those who either have come from elsewhere, or who lived away from here for a time before coming back and who therefore have some clue about the rest of the world).
The genteel Junior Leaguers here will tell you how they/Southerners are so much friendlier, more gratious and polite and mannerly than those up North; often when one of them returns from places like Boston or NYC or even Kansas City or Indianapolis or Minneapolis they'll say how rude Northerners are. Well, a) they confuse directness with rudeness, as no one here (sorry, but expecially women) will be direct, preferring to manipulate and be passive aggressive, I suspect because they think being direct isn't polite. They really, really believe this is better. b) they're just NOT nearly as gracious and mannerly as they think they are -- they snipe and skewer behind others' backs, they are uncharitable and callous to those they think are beneath them (and oh yes, they still see the world in terms of 'servant class' -- or worse). And as for 'more gracious and polite' -- in the 10 years I've been here I have given (individually, not kick in for group gifts) three (rather expensive) wedding gifts (one to a friend's child, I didn't even know the bride & groom), three baby shower gifts (different couples even ) and two baby gifts. Go on, ask me how many thank you notes I've received ... go on, you know what's coming.
Zip; zero; nada. NONE.
I work in a professional office with people who consider themselves pillars of the community, quite literally junior leaguers, yacht clubbers, hobnobbers ... all of whom will tell you how they are so much more mannerly and gracious and hospitable than those from 'up north.'
Yeah, well I may prove them right, because the next time I hear that I might just let fly with a whole new vocabulary that they are just too too refined to ever use themselves...
My rant is less the lack of basic manners or even kindness, it's the combination of that and their smug insistence that they truly are so much more socially adept and polite and all that -- and will tell you as much. I am ever thankful that I'm in a university town which draws people from all over, even if I work in a town that does not. I wish I could say that I have met some exceptions, but while some are better than others, there is not one native I would trust with a secret. Period. And I can't say that I have ever had that sense before, in any other workplace.
What a place, y'all.