Oscar fashion round-up
No, I did not get to see the Oscars, because I don't have the deluxe cable package that would allow it to happen.
And no, I will not get to see the show until April, because there was a technical error with my dear mother's attempt to burn it to a dvd for me from her TiVo.
So, in mourning, I have spent the last hour or so trawling the internets for fashion. And I am therefore prepared to offer up an Oscar fashion round-up even though I am very sadly Oscars-less this year.
Best Dressed
Elizabeth Banks
I totally love this. I was bored by a lot of the gray tones this year (I'm looking at you, Amanda Seyfried), but this one ROCKED it.
Worst Dressed
Charlize Theron
Honey, if someone smears whipped cream on your boobs as a cruel prank on your way to the Academy Awards, you should change into a different dress before you hit the red carpet. Just a tip for next time.
Best Dressed (Version: Risk Paying Off)
Vera Farmiga
I expect there's mixed opinion about this one, and I've already seen her on a couple Worst Dressed lists, but I think this is great. I love how sculptural the dress is, and the color is great on her, and she's kept everything else (hair, makeup, accessories) super simple to let the dress be the statement piece it is. Two thumbs up, Vera.
Worst Dressed (Version: Risk Not Paying Off)
Zoe Saldana
OK, I love this woman, and I almost love this dress. Almost. If the frilly cake bits had been made of softer ruffles, it might have worked. Or if the bottom had all been that pretty lilac color. Or something. But as it is... not so much.
Best Return to Form
Cameron Diaz
I don't find this boring in the slightest. I think it's pretty and sparkly and flowing and she's working the soft hair and golden California girl thing the way she used to before a number of serious fashion faux pas.
Worst Departure from Form
Meryl Streep
I mean, there's nothing wrong with this per se. But it's kind of boring. And usually Meryl is good for some outlandishness, which I like her for.
Worst Accessory
Sarah Jessica Parker
What the hell is up with that GIGANTIC bun of fake hair? And I'm sorry, but that dress makes you look like you're carrying around the load of diamante sparkles that you just crapped out. Next time, wipe.
Best Accessory
Julie Chu
No idea why someone from the US women's hockey team was at the Oscars, but an Olympic silver medal is a pretty accessory, all right.
Best Smile
Gabourey Sidibe
Hands down. I love seeing the new nominees and the ones who come from outside the acting establishment. They're always so genuinely excited to be there, and you can see it.
Best Impression of Zaha Hadid Furniture
Jennifer Lopez looks like she belongs at MoMA. As a display in the interior design section.
Skin-Color Dresses (Version: How To Do It)
Demi Moore
This is usually a much-hated trend in my book, so I was surprised by how much I liked Demi Moore's dress. It's just enough off her skin color that she works it, and it's pretty and ruffly, and she's hot.
Skin-Color Dresses (Version: How Not To Do It)
Anna Kendrick
This is why I hate skin-color dresses. Blah. Washed out. Bland. And I'm sorry Anna Kendrick, because I did like you a lot in 'Up in the Air', but you also are showing off what I'm dubbing...
Worst Red Carpet Trend of 2010: Lace
Anna Kendrick is one culprit. That lacy layer peeking out of the slit of her dress just makes me think of ladies of a certain age wearing lacy nighties in a desperate attempt to hold onto their vanishing youth. Not classy.
Also not classy?
Faith Hill
Yeah... lace? Not working. Unless you're going for Nevada brothel employee.
Worst Red Carpet Trend of 2010, Runner-Up: Navy
How did NO ONE wear navy well this year? And why did so many of them make me click several images to make sure they weren't actually wearing the same dress?
I mean, there was Mariah Carey in something expectedly a little too slutty for the Oscars:
But mostly I'm looking at you, Mariska 'TANgerine' Hargitay, Giuliana 'Why Are You Famous, Again?' Rancic, and Kristin 'Too Little Too Late To Prove You're a Legit Star' Stewart.
Best Age-Appropriate Outfit for a 25 Year Old
Carey Mulligan
I'd lose the blonde hair, but this dress is young and fun and works for your spunky mid-20s. It's not forever that you're going to be able to pull off that kind of jeweled applique thing and 'mullet' hemline, so work it while you can.
Worst, Most Age-Inappropriate Outfit for a 25 Year Old
Deborah Ann Woll
I had no idea who this woman was, so I looked her up and was horrified to discover that she's also only 25! She's a) wearing a dress that, again, makes me think of that cougar lady in the lacy nightie and b) working a WAY too severe hair and makeup look. Ugh.
The Project Runway Challenge Award
Diane Kruger
She gets this one, because this looks like it was created when the PR designers were told to take a famous Oscar dress and reinterpret it for 2010. Clearly, Kruger's designer took Bjork's swan dress for inspiration.
The 'Eat A Cheeseburger Before Your Dress Falls the Fuck Off You' Award
Suzy Amis
Seriously? *shudder*
The 'I Think You and Me Are Done, Professionally' Award
Penelope Cruz
Oh god, STOP COMING TO AWARD SHOWS IN MERINGUE DRESSES!!!!!! Stop it!!!! Especially ones like this that are the exact same color as the red carpet. I am bored by it and don't think it's pretty and you've done it WAY too much, and it makes me angry.
and, to end on a positive note instead of a ranting one
The 'You Keep On Keepin' On' Award
Queen Latifah
This is a woman who knows how to clean herself up for an award show. She always looks great, she's never boring, and she's always got just the right balance of classy and a little different in her dresses. A+
OK, if you've got things to add, go for it. And any gossip about the actual telecast would be much appreciated by me. MUCH appreciated.
And no, I will not get to see the show until April, because there was a technical error with my dear mother's attempt to burn it to a dvd for me from her TiVo.
So, in mourning, I have spent the last hour or so trawling the internets for fashion. And I am therefore prepared to offer up an Oscar fashion round-up even though I am very sadly Oscars-less this year.
Best Dressed
Elizabeth Banks
I totally love this. I was bored by a lot of the gray tones this year (I'm looking at you, Amanda Seyfried), but this one ROCKED it.
Worst Dressed
Charlize Theron
Honey, if someone smears whipped cream on your boobs as a cruel prank on your way to the Academy Awards, you should change into a different dress before you hit the red carpet. Just a tip for next time.
Best Dressed (Version: Risk Paying Off)
Vera Farmiga
I expect there's mixed opinion about this one, and I've already seen her on a couple Worst Dressed lists, but I think this is great. I love how sculptural the dress is, and the color is great on her, and she's kept everything else (hair, makeup, accessories) super simple to let the dress be the statement piece it is. Two thumbs up, Vera.
Worst Dressed (Version: Risk Not Paying Off)
Zoe Saldana
OK, I love this woman, and I almost love this dress. Almost. If the frilly cake bits had been made of softer ruffles, it might have worked. Or if the bottom had all been that pretty lilac color. Or something. But as it is... not so much.
Best Return to Form
Cameron Diaz
I don't find this boring in the slightest. I think it's pretty and sparkly and flowing and she's working the soft hair and golden California girl thing the way she used to before a number of serious fashion faux pas.
Worst Departure from Form
Meryl Streep
I mean, there's nothing wrong with this per se. But it's kind of boring. And usually Meryl is good for some outlandishness, which I like her for.
Worst Accessory
Sarah Jessica Parker
What the hell is up with that GIGANTIC bun of fake hair? And I'm sorry, but that dress makes you look like you're carrying around the load of diamante sparkles that you just crapped out. Next time, wipe.
Best Accessory
Julie Chu
No idea why someone from the US women's hockey team was at the Oscars, but an Olympic silver medal is a pretty accessory, all right.
Best Smile
Gabourey Sidibe
Hands down. I love seeing the new nominees and the ones who come from outside the acting establishment. They're always so genuinely excited to be there, and you can see it.
Best Impression of Zaha Hadid Furniture
Jennifer Lopez looks like she belongs at MoMA. As a display in the interior design section.
Skin-Color Dresses (Version: How To Do It)
Demi Moore
This is usually a much-hated trend in my book, so I was surprised by how much I liked Demi Moore's dress. It's just enough off her skin color that she works it, and it's pretty and ruffly, and she's hot.
Skin-Color Dresses (Version: How Not To Do It)
Anna Kendrick
This is why I hate skin-color dresses. Blah. Washed out. Bland. And I'm sorry Anna Kendrick, because I did like you a lot in 'Up in the Air', but you also are showing off what I'm dubbing...
Worst Red Carpet Trend of 2010: Lace
Anna Kendrick is one culprit. That lacy layer peeking out of the slit of her dress just makes me think of ladies of a certain age wearing lacy nighties in a desperate attempt to hold onto their vanishing youth. Not classy.
Also not classy?
Faith Hill
Yeah... lace? Not working. Unless you're going for Nevada brothel employee.
Worst Red Carpet Trend of 2010, Runner-Up: Navy
How did NO ONE wear navy well this year? And why did so many of them make me click several images to make sure they weren't actually wearing the same dress?
I mean, there was Mariah Carey in something expectedly a little too slutty for the Oscars:
But mostly I'm looking at you, Mariska 'TANgerine' Hargitay, Giuliana 'Why Are You Famous, Again?' Rancic, and Kristin 'Too Little Too Late To Prove You're a Legit Star' Stewart.
Best Age-Appropriate Outfit for a 25 Year Old
Carey Mulligan
I'd lose the blonde hair, but this dress is young and fun and works for your spunky mid-20s. It's not forever that you're going to be able to pull off that kind of jeweled applique thing and 'mullet' hemline, so work it while you can.
Worst, Most Age-Inappropriate Outfit for a 25 Year Old
Deborah Ann Woll
I had no idea who this woman was, so I looked her up and was horrified to discover that she's also only 25! She's a) wearing a dress that, again, makes me think of that cougar lady in the lacy nightie and b) working a WAY too severe hair and makeup look. Ugh.
The Project Runway Challenge Award
Diane Kruger
She gets this one, because this looks like it was created when the PR designers were told to take a famous Oscar dress and reinterpret it for 2010. Clearly, Kruger's designer took Bjork's swan dress for inspiration.
The 'Eat A Cheeseburger Before Your Dress Falls the Fuck Off You' Award
Suzy Amis
Seriously? *shudder*
The 'I Think You and Me Are Done, Professionally' Award
Penelope Cruz
Oh god, STOP COMING TO AWARD SHOWS IN MERINGUE DRESSES!!!!!! Stop it!!!! Especially ones like this that are the exact same color as the red carpet. I am bored by it and don't think it's pretty and you've done it WAY too much, and it makes me angry.
and, to end on a positive note instead of a ranting one
The 'You Keep On Keepin' On' Award
Queen Latifah
This is a woman who knows how to clean herself up for an award show. She always looks great, she's never boring, and she's always got just the right balance of classy and a little different in her dresses. A+
OK, if you've got things to add, go for it. And any gossip about the actual telecast would be much appreciated by me. MUCH appreciated.