you know it's time for an oscar fashion post

[faux_teak]

This might be the longest Oscar fashion post ever, which is weird because mostly I thought the fashion (like the ceremony) was kinda lame and mostly yawn-ful. That said, here we go.

Best Dressed

Comments

[aaaaaames]

Good run-down, as usual, faux_teak!

I'm pretty disappointed by the Oscars fashion. There were some highlights and lowlights, but it was all fairly obvious; I agree that Marion Cotillard was the best and Rebecca Miller was the worst. Everyone else was nebulously in the middle. There was nothing that aroused strong opinions either way, nothing to argue over. A memorable recent example was Uma Thurman's weird milkmaid-type white, gold, and blue (I think) dress, which I remember some of us loving and some of us hating. No one went out on a limb. Sad.

Anyway, I'll give my best- and worst-dressed, Young Actresses Edition:

Best:


Saorsie Ronan.
Love the color, love the design, love that she looks age-appropriate AND comfortable.

Worst:


Ellen Page.
I thought this was awful. She looks like she tried to do the retro flapper thing (which would have been sort of outdated even if she HAD succeeded) and failed miserably. She looks much older than 21; she looks about the age that most people named Ellen actually are. Plus, I don't know if she has a long torso or isn't wearing high enough heels or the waist on the dress is just a tad too low or if it's a combination of all these things, but she looks weirdly foreshortened. Like she's a midget, but only from the waist down. And has no feet.

Some Jewelry I Loved:



Tilda Swinton



Diablo Cody
I love that these are big fancy expensive earrings with skulls on them!!!

A Piece of Jewelry I Hated


Kelly Preston
This seriously looks like a $2.99 arm band from Claire's. The kind whose gold would rub off by the end of one wearing.

Best Red Carpet Nips


I have no idea who Rosamund Pike is, but I like her erect nipples.

And finally....
THIS SCARES ME



FIN

[faux_teak]

Rosamund Pike is an actress I quite like, actually. She was Jane Bennet in the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice. She was a baddie Bond girl in one of the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies. She was Johnny Depp's wife in The Libertine (including a scene where they're in a carriage and he fingers her while she describes how she got off on him abducting her... go check YouTube, I'm sure it's there).

I don't understand why people don't tape their nipples if their in these situations. It happens all the time. Sheesh!

Also, everything about Lisa Rinna frightens me, too.

[theswirtproject]

Lisa Rinna needs to STOP with the facial surgery. she scares the bejesus out of me.

[tummies]

Man, I concur with y'all. LAME Oscar fashions. Did you hear it had the lowest viewership since Nilsen ratings began? It felt kind of low-tech, which was okay, because Jon Stewart was great. I loved the quip about inviting writers to the Vanity Fair party for once...and about Jack Nicholson fathering some children by the night's end. Gross, but hilarious.

My favorite was Cate Blanchett. The woman can do no wrong. She looked radiant as always: dark violet silk, ethnic accents (by which I mean the beading and tubing, and the mixing of sea-green with deep-purple. Who else does that at the Oscars!?) I think she looks (and dresses) even better when she's pregnant; I can't find a picture of the red satin dress she wore the first time around, but if anyone remembers that, you know what I mean. And does anyone know the woman who was sitting next to her in the much brighter jewel-purple dress? Was that her mother? They looked kind of alike...

Worst: again, the consensus on Rebecca Miller. Maybe she was trying to be subversive, who knows. Also, though, I hated Heidi Klum's dress. It looked like it came with a head rest, the kind you buy at airport newsstands. I also detested Sarah Larson's dress. Baby's First Wallpaper.

Regarding this year's crop of black dresses: I actually hate black dresses only slightly less than flesh-colored dresses (ok, "champagne") but I must say I liked a few this year. Jennifer Garner really pulled it off. Hilary Swank's was a much poorer incarnation of the same thing. I actually loved both Ellen Page and Nicole Kidman's dresses - though neither would have worked at all without perfectly-chosen necklaces.

Trend I hated: the RANDOM PUFF AND FLUFF AND FEATHER AND FROUFF. Jessica Alba, Penelope Cruz. What the hell?

Trend I can tolerate: the mermaid silhouette. Especially when your dress actually has scales (I'm looking at you, Frenchie).

So...I may be clueless, but...are all the stars not invited to the Oscars every year? Because I really wanted to see what (1) Uma Thurman, (2) Naomi Watts, and (3) Kate Winslet were wearing. Oh, and (4) Gwyneth Paltrow, so I could mock her.

As a final note, Tilda Swinton's coolness transcends all commentary on her fashion. So I won't say here how much I hated her dress.

[faux_teak]

are all the stars not invited to the Oscars every year?

Correct. You're invited if you're nominated or if you're presenting or if you're high profile and connected with a high profile film that's nominated.

I mean, there are clearly ways to get tickets, and I don't think major celebs would be turned away if they sought out those tix, but I think it's sort of generally acknowledged that you go if you have a reason to be there.

Or if you're Jack Nicholson who always sits in that damn front row seat with his stupid sunglasses and lecherous smirk.

And I am in total agreement re: Tilda Swinton. Her coolness and lack of makeup and awesome bracelet and COOLNESS mean she gets a free pass from me for wearing weird, unflattering clothes.