施比受更有福
I expect this to be a lengthy post and I shall divide it into 2 parts; life and love and this is part 1, Life.
I just got back from Cambodia last night and this has been a most fruitful trip and I'm really thankful it turned out better than I expected. Now that it's going to be over, it's a bittersweet feeling. I feel as though the load is lighter (because there are still things to do) but at the same time, the closure is not really there yet.
If you are close enough to me to know the existence of this place, you must know how much I went through for this project. I can basically say I did everything alone (or felt like that) but I'm thankful for Belin's help. She really helped me a lot. I started this whole thing out because I've always wanted to go on a volunteer trip but I never had the chance to. I was always too busy to commit myself an entire project for slightly more than half a year. One whole project, one person, half a year. It's quite taxing, I must admit. Especially when my co-leader was not helpful at all. That also made me learn to not soften when it comes to decisions, to not assume that an extra hand is a helping one, or just be okay with anything hahaha. I basically let her in because she was not old enough to lead her own team and I thought why not! I bet I'm the only person who would do this so casually but I guess I don't regret although I keep bitching about her because it's a lesson itself and I'm so glad!
I must say though, I'm very thankful I went with Mercy Relief (it was a lot of help and mentoring) and that I had an awesome team. So lucky to have picked the right team dynamics, all very sui bian, nice, caring, funny, talk cock and stuff like that. We get along very well with each other!
The road to the actual trip was tiring and hard. Every day I worried about things that were not settled, worried about how the actual trip would be. Even during exam period, I was still worrying. Hence, I'm thankful for the people who listen to me bitch, really. It helps a lot. I want to thank my family for listening to me bitch, to support my decision for going on this trip and not stop me, to give me everything I need for the trip, to trust that I can take care of myself, I want to thank my friends for also listening to me bitch, to remind me that I can do it, and of course, I also want to thank my beloved boyfriend for never getting tired of listening to me bitch, for always having faith in me that I can manage, for staying with me throughout my project days and for always being there for me.
I also want to thank God (Buddha, Goddess of Mercy etc. hahaha) for giving me this opportunity. If I had not chance upon the school's email for the leadership mentorship programme (which many did not simply because they were not looking for it haha), I would not have committed myself to this project. I'm glad for not giving myself the chance to waste any more time. I'm glad my grandpa kickstarted and ignited this thought in me to just do it. Just step yourself into the shit and then you'll be able to truly enjoy because you're already in shit. Thank God also that the project was a success, that we ended up staying there a whole 10 days instead of being the pampered kids who wanted the guesthouse, that we finished on time, that the entire team came back healthy, in one piece, that we all had fun, that we met the minister, that it made a difference to all our lives.
The people there, if taught us anything was to be contented and thankful for what we have and to show it, that 施比受更有福.
On my second day, first day at the project site, Lina appeared and for some reason, she was attracted to me and kept close to me. Lisa, her younger sister was less warm but after a while, she warmed up to us. Lina was so warm and hospitable. She even gave me a ring and insisted I keep it. They already have so little but they always have more to give. So unlike us, we have so much yet so little to give. That was also what the young 12 year old boy taught me when he dived into the pond. Yes, he was having fun playing but he wanted to help! There we were, just watching them in the water because we couldn't abandon our fears. It made me tear a little while i reflected by the pond with Shi Kai because we knew that the real reasons why we didn't want to jump in were not valid and that we ought to be ashamed. Despite knowing that, I still couldn't bring myself to dive in, and that was the worst. Anyway, Lina invited me to her home, switched on the TV for me, treated us snacks, showed me her textbook, got rid of the sand on her bed for Yu Ting and I. The kids there didn't brush their teeth and played around in sand all day with no concept of hygiene but they were happy. Kids always find things to play with and that was something I've long forgotten since my childhood days. Also, the thing Lina taught me was to always show my affection. Nobody will know you love them if you don't show it and we got nothing to lose if we show it, so why hide it, why let pride and ego mask the things you really want to do. Every day I also got hug and kiss leh! HAHAHA.
We also visited Kolab 4, an orphanage owned by the government. By far, a pretty good orphanage with proper facilities. We met the SMU team there who stole our limelight for a while HAHAHA. But anyway, talked to the kids there and they have ambitions and it's so different from ours. Cambodia is a developing country who recently emerged from really hard times. Perhaps also because of all the foreign aid they receive from developed countries, they are more eager to prove themselves quickly. They want to be doctors, engineers and all for reasons that never crossed my mind. They wanted to help their country develop, wanted better roads for Cambodia and things like that. I've always considered myself loyal to my country and patriotic. I mean, I love Singapore but I never wanted to be something for Singapore per se. But I guess that's partially because Singapore is so developed I think She doesn't need me.
Another thing I learnt was that 同人不同命！ We are really lucky to just be born to where we are. Think about the probability! Singapore is just a tiny dot on the world map. The possibility of being born here to the family you are in is so minute and yet here we are. We have everything we need. Sometimes, I wonder what we have done to deserve this.
I've also learnt to appreciate the little things. Water, electricity. Wow, I learnt the importance of water really. NO WATER REALLY CAN DIE. brush teeth, wash face halfway no water. Sleep halfway no fan, in the middle of a damn hot work day no fan, eat in stuffy room no fan. WAH there are no words that can describe the heat when there is no fan. No words to describe how you feel when there's no more water, electricity is down and no pump for the water! I also realised that I don't need much and that it was livable (tbh, the place we lived in quite not bad liao, still got good food every day leh, even though all fish). The people were also very nice, always smiled at us, talked to us. Romley, Musa and Sokrey were all very nice too and can talk nonsense one hahahahaha. There was also the cooking auntie and her infectious laughter, 底裤男 who was trying to make me shake and dance sibei erxin but AHHAHA he very nice lah, the consultant who shared with us his experience during the Pol Pot Regime.
It was hard to imagine what they went through especially when we visited Tuong Sleng S21 Museum. We walked along the same paths as those who suffered decades before and it set my tear glands active. When I saw all the torture equipment, I found it hard to accept that there were people who could do such inhumane things to others, that even when they perform such acts of cruelty, they needed to find excuses to justify their wrongdoings, that humans can be so sadistic in nature.
Moving on to happier stuff, RNR was fun HAHAHAHA. We took lots of pretty pictures in Angkor Wat, confirm is go there camwhore only! Shopped a lot too, it was really a good break for us!
And 10 days flew past in the blink of an eye really. Towards the end, I stopped counting because it was too fast. I miss the place, I miss Lina and Lisa. I can't believe Lina went to school and that I missed out on our last goodbye but I'm glad to have had the bear keychain on my camera, so I had something to give. I hope one day I'll be there again and that she'll still remember me.
Thank you Cambodia, Thank you Project Fish, Thank you Mercy Relief, Thank you everyone who made this possible and everyone who helped tide this whole thing through. I also particularly miss our talk cock sessions, bitching sessions and 'info' sessions. HAHAHAHA
I just got back from Cambodia last night and this has been a most fruitful trip and I'm really thankful it turned out better than I expected. Now that it's going to be over, it's a bittersweet feeling. I feel as though the load is lighter (because there are still things to do) but at the same time, the closure is not really there yet.
If you are close enough to me to know the existence of this place, you must know how much I went through for this project. I can basically say I did everything alone (or felt like that) but I'm thankful for Belin's help. She really helped me a lot. I started this whole thing out because I've always wanted to go on a volunteer trip but I never had the chance to. I was always too busy to commit myself an entire project for slightly more than half a year. One whole project, one person, half a year. It's quite taxing, I must admit. Especially when my co-leader was not helpful at all. That also made me learn to not soften when it comes to decisions, to not assume that an extra hand is a helping one, or just be okay with anything hahaha. I basically let her in because she was not old enough to lead her own team and I thought why not! I bet I'm the only person who would do this so casually but I guess I don't regret although I keep bitching about her because it's a lesson itself and I'm so glad!
I must say though, I'm very thankful I went with Mercy Relief (it was a lot of help and mentoring) and that I had an awesome team. So lucky to have picked the right team dynamics, all very sui bian, nice, caring, funny, talk cock and stuff like that. We get along very well with each other!
The road to the actual trip was tiring and hard. Every day I worried about things that were not settled, worried about how the actual trip would be. Even during exam period, I was still worrying. Hence, I'm thankful for the people who listen to me bitch, really. It helps a lot. I want to thank my family for listening to me bitch, to support my decision for going on this trip and not stop me, to give me everything I need for the trip, to trust that I can take care of myself, I want to thank my friends for also listening to me bitch, to remind me that I can do it, and of course, I also want to thank my beloved boyfriend for never getting tired of listening to me bitch, for always having faith in me that I can manage, for staying with me throughout my project days and for always being there for me.
I also want to thank God (Buddha, Goddess of Mercy etc. hahaha) for giving me this opportunity. If I had not chance upon the school's email for the leadership mentorship programme (which many did not simply because they were not looking for it haha), I would not have committed myself to this project. I'm glad for not giving myself the chance to waste any more time. I'm glad my grandpa kickstarted and ignited this thought in me to just do it. Just step yourself into the shit and then you'll be able to truly enjoy because you're already in shit. Thank God also that the project was a success, that we ended up staying there a whole 10 days instead of being the pampered kids who wanted the guesthouse, that we finished on time, that the entire team came back healthy, in one piece, that we all had fun, that we met the minister, that it made a difference to all our lives.
The people there, if taught us anything was to be contented and thankful for what we have and to show it, that 施比受更有福.
On my second day, first day at the project site, Lina appeared and for some reason, she was attracted to me and kept close to me. Lisa, her younger sister was less warm but after a while, she warmed up to us. Lina was so warm and hospitable. She even gave me a ring and insisted I keep it. They already have so little but they always have more to give. So unlike us, we have so much yet so little to give. That was also what the young 12 year old boy taught me when he dived into the pond. Yes, he was having fun playing but he wanted to help! There we were, just watching them in the water because we couldn't abandon our fears. It made me tear a little while i reflected by the pond with Shi Kai because we knew that the real reasons why we didn't want to jump in were not valid and that we ought to be ashamed. Despite knowing that, I still couldn't bring myself to dive in, and that was the worst. Anyway, Lina invited me to her home, switched on the TV for me, treated us snacks, showed me her textbook, got rid of the sand on her bed for Yu Ting and I. The kids there didn't brush their teeth and played around in sand all day with no concept of hygiene but they were happy. Kids always find things to play with and that was something I've long forgotten since my childhood days. Also, the thing Lina taught me was to always show my affection. Nobody will know you love them if you don't show it and we got nothing to lose if we show it, so why hide it, why let pride and ego mask the things you really want to do. Every day I also got hug and kiss leh! HAHAHA.
We also visited Kolab 4, an orphanage owned by the government. By far, a pretty good orphanage with proper facilities. We met the SMU team there who stole our limelight for a while HAHAHA. But anyway, talked to the kids there and they have ambitions and it's so different from ours. Cambodia is a developing country who recently emerged from really hard times. Perhaps also because of all the foreign aid they receive from developed countries, they are more eager to prove themselves quickly. They want to be doctors, engineers and all for reasons that never crossed my mind. They wanted to help their country develop, wanted better roads for Cambodia and things like that. I've always considered myself loyal to my country and patriotic. I mean, I love Singapore but I never wanted to be something for Singapore per se. But I guess that's partially because Singapore is so developed I think She doesn't need me.
Another thing I learnt was that 同人不同命！ We are really lucky to just be born to where we are. Think about the probability! Singapore is just a tiny dot on the world map. The possibility of being born here to the family you are in is so minute and yet here we are. We have everything we need. Sometimes, I wonder what we have done to deserve this.
I've also learnt to appreciate the little things. Water, electricity. Wow, I learnt the importance of water really. NO WATER REALLY CAN DIE. brush teeth, wash face halfway no water. Sleep halfway no fan, in the middle of a damn hot work day no fan, eat in stuffy room no fan. WAH there are no words that can describe the heat when there is no fan. No words to describe how you feel when there's no more water, electricity is down and no pump for the water! I also realised that I don't need much and that it was livable (tbh, the place we lived in quite not bad liao, still got good food every day leh, even though all fish). The people were also very nice, always smiled at us, talked to us. Romley, Musa and Sokrey were all very nice too and can talk nonsense one hahahahaha. There was also the cooking auntie and her infectious laughter, 底裤男 who was trying to make me shake and dance sibei erxin but AHHAHA he very nice lah, the consultant who shared with us his experience during the Pol Pot Regime.
It was hard to imagine what they went through especially when we visited Tuong Sleng S21 Museum. We walked along the same paths as those who suffered decades before and it set my tear glands active. When I saw all the torture equipment, I found it hard to accept that there were people who could do such inhumane things to others, that even when they perform such acts of cruelty, they needed to find excuses to justify their wrongdoings, that humans can be so sadistic in nature.
Moving on to happier stuff, RNR was fun HAHAHAHA. We took lots of pretty pictures in Angkor Wat, confirm is go there camwhore only! Shopped a lot too, it was really a good break for us!
And 10 days flew past in the blink of an eye really. Towards the end, I stopped counting because it was too fast. I miss the place, I miss Lina and Lisa. I can't believe Lina went to school and that I missed out on our last goodbye but I'm glad to have had the bear keychain on my camera, so I had something to give. I hope one day I'll be there again and that she'll still remember me.
Thank you Cambodia, Thank you Project Fish, Thank you Mercy Relief, Thank you everyone who made this possible and everyone who helped tide this whole thing through. I also particularly miss our talk cock sessions, bitching sessions and 'info' sessions. HAHAHAHA