Weight loss journey...
Yesterday was hard, I managed to get up and cook this vegan egg scramble for myself and my girls before school. My body feels tired now, its 5:23 in the a.m. I am feeling disheartened. I am scared I won't succeed at this losing weight. I am afraid that when I lose weight I will have tons of extra skin that will need to be removed and that I won't be able to afford it.
I am not sure if I won't be able to stay away from fast food places. It's been my habit for so long, and it's physically easier for me to just get into my truck and drive there and pick something up. I am scared that I won't have a body every again that someone would find attractive.
Because, I don't find it attractive. I have been rejected so many times in my life. I think the rejection from Sparkle hurt the most, the way she looked at me like I was disgusting. How dare I try and touch her. I've really not put myself out there with any other woman since.
Tanisha was easy, as I'd known her for years and it really wasn't that big of a deal, as I didn't find her super attractive. But, I was attracted her in other ways. I kinda don't want to put myself out there with anyone again until I manage to lose weight.
I think I need to have more nice thoughts about my body and such. I don't find myself a pretty woman either. I see all these beautiful people online and around me and I wonder why wasn't I born with such features. This journey seems so long to self love.
Now, I'm crushing on someone with the highest rate of disappointment. I wonder why I do this?