Jan 14, 2012.
In bed wishing I could talk to you, truth is that I wouldn't know what to say, talk about anyway. I think it's wishing I was years back, I don't know why this has been so long in me. Just would be great to talk.
I know she is a totally different person than I knew years ago, who in there right mind sits and thinks about laughing on a twin bed talking early in the morning, her smile and thinking thank you lord for her sharing her poetry with me, as she is reading a song she is working on, then gets teery eyed because the notes are moving you to feel things you've never felt before.
Am, I the most pathetic thing on this earth? I ask because I'm praying always that she would unblock me, and email me back, just call one day. I know I have a huge prayer to be answered. I'm really bad at dating, courting and get tongued tied and behavior is clingy & desperate sometimes.
With that all said, I should probably stop talking about her today, but I haven't been able to get my brain to ease up on the thoughts of her, oh well she has her partner that she has decided to move back to the East Coast. My heart dropped again when I heard it, I wished she would come back when she went to Atlanta the first time for those two years.
It was so hard watching her get her heart broken with the women she dated. Then I stupidly thought I was part of her reason for coming back, I wasn't. It was another woman that she ended up getting her heart broken behind.
I then stupidly thought she wanted to be with me on her bday, but it was to just not be by herself as the woman she liked wasn't wanting her, it's hard to be so in love with someone & not have them have feelings on the same level as you.
Even still, I know she would use me, I think we would use each other, it was just more for me than her.
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