Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)halbailmanMarch 8 2007, 07:58:56 UTC
I see a theme here, and I realized there are certain things that will never heal. I am sorry to say, that I have lost my friend and brother whom I've been trying to heal things over with. I have admitted my faults; however I have given him the appropriate amount of line in respect to the situation, and insead of accepting it with grace. He proceeds to say more than the circumstances allow. I've been catching up on his journal and MS blogs. I cannot forgive him. He has done far more damage than I find forgiveable. I don't wish this to be the case, the case itself simply manifested for me once I caught up. I have lost a friend and brother in which whom I've known for over a decade. Never mix friends and business. It only turns out bad, and in this case permanently, and with permanent loss. Objectivity is a quality I look for in everyone. For whatever reason, if someone is incapable of acting in a completely objective manner, and spins more rope than I gave them while proceeding to attempt to hang me with it I will refuse to concede. As such, I have removed both him and his friend from my life. I do not wish to be bothered ever again by that kind of drama. It is insulting, and goes well beyond what the situation warranted. My words are final.
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)faucon9March 8 2007, 13:48:43 UTC
I thought the same thing when you reacted emotionally! He is just really really hurt, just as you are and were. I haven't forgiven you, but I -am- giving you the benefit of the doubt and waiting until I can see consistency. Once you consistently prove that you are working to rectify the traits which caused you to do the things which were unforgivable - THEN I will be able to forgive you. Get it?
-You- went well beyond what the situation warranted in our case. -He- only wants to be forgiven too!
You can't hold it against someone when they make the same mistake you did once! Some people just take a little longer to learn their lessons. Have patience with them. I am, and aren't you thankful for that?
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)halbailmanMarch 8 2007, 15:05:15 UTC
One, the level of detail he gave, what I read in the blogs, and everything put together. He was going to do it. This is beyond anything.
As far as my behavior towards you, you have a symbolic point, I do acknowledge it. It is something I regret, and I'm sorry.
You've been too good a friend. I appreciate the caliber of person you are in this regard.
I don't associate with people who clearly state they literally wanted me dead, and tell me how they were going to accomplish said goal. That's not venting.
It's one thing, when someone says, "I'm gonna kill you!!!" out of anger.
It's another thing when someone gives you a series of intricate steps they'd follow to kill you, and things being what they are, to know said series intricate steps have a good probability of working.
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)faucon9March 8 2007, 15:18:52 UTC
So what? Isn't he calming down now? Yes he got very angry at you, and I agree he probably went way too far - but it is an over-reaction, and so long as he doesn't actually -try- to kill you, I say don't over-react in return!
I can't trust you not to try and ruin my life just as much as you can't trust him not to try and kill you.
I am treating you the same way you should treat him.
Let him know you don't trust him. Let him know that once you see consistently acted upon virtues that you see as honorable, that you will be able to forgive him, and perhaps trust him again in time. Keep him at arm's length until you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will not try to kill you.
But don't say any of this now! He's still too hot, okay? Just keep calm, keep your head on your shoulders, and keep him at arm's length. Don't talk about it, just do it - and when he is capable of talking to you with a level head, THEN let him know what your intentions are, and why you are keeping him at arm's legnth. Not now. It's too soon.
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)halbailmanMarch 8 2007, 15:27:43 UTC
I understand the trust issues. This is serious enough, I'm going to go out on a limb, and say, it doesn't matter. Someone with that kind of determination isn't going to have anything good happen for anyone. We should all be scared, because the one wrong thing that happens can push this. I'm going to resort to beggging, I'm not kidding, please take this seriously. I understand your hesitation, and respect why it's there. This is not a time for it.
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)halbailmanMarch 8 2007, 18:04:06 UTC
I talked with someone, and I think there's a lot of BS that is about to be cleared up. I walked from the car dealership to my street for excercise, conversation, and to think. You're right. It is however, going to take a long time for me to get over the feeling of horror and dread with what was described to me by him. I want to let go, and that means inevitably I will. In the interim, I just have to let this feeling dissipate at my own nature's pace.
Re: Objectivity (final interruption to my LJ vacation)halbailmanMarch 8 2007, 19:48:25 UTC
We're all a bit more relaxed now. We have talked, and are slowly reaching an understanding on equal terms. It will take time, but we both want it badly enought that it will happen, and be good.
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-You- went well beyond what the situation warranted in our case. -He- only wants to be forgiven too!
You can't hold it against someone when they make the same mistake you did once! Some people just take a little longer to learn their lessons. Have patience with them. I am, and aren't you thankful for that?
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You tried to ruin my life - which may as well be killing me!
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As far as my behavior towards you, you have a symbolic point, I do acknowledge it. It is something I regret, and I'm sorry.
You've been too good a friend. I appreciate the caliber of person you are in this regard.
I don't associate with people who clearly state they literally wanted me dead, and tell me how they were going to accomplish said goal. That's not venting.
It's one thing, when someone says, "I'm gonna kill you!!!" out of anger.
It's another thing when someone gives you a series of intricate steps they'd follow to kill you, and things being what they are, to know said series intricate steps have a good probability of working.
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I can't trust you not to try and ruin my life just as much as you can't trust him not to try and kill you.
I am treating you the same way you should treat him.
Let him know you don't trust him. Let him know that once you see consistently acted upon virtues that you see as honorable, that you will be able to forgive him, and perhaps trust him again in time. Keep him at arm's length until you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will not try to kill you.
But don't say any of this now! He's still too hot, okay? Just keep calm, keep your head on your shoulders, and keep him at arm's length. Don't talk about it, just do it - and when he is capable of talking to you with a level head, THEN let him know what your intentions are, and why you are keeping him at arm's legnth. Not now. It's too soon.
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Has he -ever- killed anyone?
He's even said he's a pacifist by nature!
I would be worried if he's ever killed anyone before. I would be worried if he's ever seriously injured anyone before - but he has NOT.
Just like you can't trust him not to kill you, you can't trust him TO kill you! He has proven NEITHER.
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Now don't tell me you're going to turn all psychotic in another couple of days. Consistency!
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