Depression
I hate having the feeling likeI'm unwanted or unloved. And unfortunately that feeling has reared it's ugly head more than once in these past few days. Every night I lie half awake, crying my eyes out for almost no reason. The people at my job, Shawn, me friends. They all drive me crazy half the time. And sometimes the way I'm treated just makes me think that NOBODY likes me. Am I really such a bad person? I mean, I try to be as nice as possible to everyone. I'm sorry that I don't grovel at your feet! Ugh, I just don't know how much more I can take. I feel like they need to up my anti-depressants.
Also, one of the managers at work is driving me nuts! A bunch of shit went down and now she's living with her friend and coworker, B (no names!) Well little does M (my manager) know, B is talking all kinds of shit behind her back, telling everyone her personal stuff and all this bullshit. Okay, so like any normal friend would do, I told M about what B has been saying about her. She gets kinda upset and then ALL OF A SUDDEN the next time I see her, she's pissed at ME. I asked her if she talked to B and she basically told me it was none of my business. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU, YOU BITCH. not to mention, tonight at work, I was stuck with B AND M. B started making all these little comments but somehow I got blamed for them and M tells another manager that I'm annoying her on purpose. WTF. I am so SICK of working to try to please M! Nothing I do is good enough. So FUCK YOU M. This will be the LAST time I do ANYTHING for you.
Then there's my boyfriend, Shawn. Hal the time we're together we're either sleeping or on the computer playing a game. We spend no time outside and when we do it's to get food, in which case I buy almost ALWAYS. He doesn't have a job, collects unemployment, and has no motivation to do anything. I don't know what to do with him. I love him with all my heart, but it's hard to be with someone who is so unmotivated.He complains that I work enough yet he sits on his ass all day and gets paid for it! Not only that he's always talking about how we see too much of eachother...WELL IF YOU HAD A JOB we wouldn't see eachother as often. GAWD, I'm sick of him being lazy! I mean, I'm no better myself but at least I have a JOB and earn my money. And for one night I wish he'd hold me like he use too. I miss it so much. He doesn't understand how much I CRAVE his touch, his kisses, his hugs. I feel like i'm the only one in love now...and it;s hurts. I'm so confused as to what to do.
Basically, I just want to feel loved, needed. I'm tired og being treated badly. I JUST WANT A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.
Also, one of the managers at work is driving me nuts! A bunch of shit went down and now she's living with her friend and coworker, B (no names!) Well little does M (my manager) know, B is talking all kinds of shit behind her back, telling everyone her personal stuff and all this bullshit. Okay, so like any normal friend would do, I told M about what B has been saying about her. She gets kinda upset and then ALL OF A SUDDEN the next time I see her, she's pissed at ME. I asked her if she talked to B and she basically told me it was none of my business. WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU, YOU BITCH. not to mention, tonight at work, I was stuck with B AND M. B started making all these little comments but somehow I got blamed for them and M tells another manager that I'm annoying her on purpose. WTF. I am so SICK of working to try to please M! Nothing I do is good enough. So FUCK YOU M. This will be the LAST time I do ANYTHING for you.
Then there's my boyfriend, Shawn. Hal the time we're together we're either sleeping or on the computer playing a game. We spend no time outside and when we do it's to get food, in which case I buy almost ALWAYS. He doesn't have a job, collects unemployment, and has no motivation to do anything. I don't know what to do with him. I love him with all my heart, but it's hard to be with someone who is so unmotivated.He complains that I work enough yet he sits on his ass all day and gets paid for it! Not only that he's always talking about how we see too much of eachother...WELL IF YOU HAD A JOB we wouldn't see eachother as often. GAWD, I'm sick of him being lazy! I mean, I'm no better myself but at least I have a JOB and earn my money. And for one night I wish he'd hold me like he use too. I miss it so much. He doesn't understand how much I CRAVE his touch, his kisses, his hugs. I feel like i'm the only one in love now...and it;s hurts. I'm so confused as to what to do.
Basically, I just want to feel loved, needed. I'm tired og being treated badly. I JUST WANT A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.