(no subject)
sometimes I think I wish I had never met any of my friends to be without any connections or things to lose. I dont think any of them realize what they do to me but I probably dont realize it either. I love them all of them I do, but sometime I just wish I hadnt made those connections wish I hadnt well yeah. this is about holly. I wish I never her or hannah or alicia, damn alicia. I love her so much and I think some where in her heart she love me too, really I know she did. I dont know what hannah felt for me and I truly have know idea what I feel for her anymore. once I knew and now I dont that's all there is and that all she wrote. I just wish I could have met them as someone else a better man, or just the one that was supppose to, "suppose to" be with them. if only if only. I am not sure that I forlorn for love or affection from hannah I think any dreams of that or what we were had died and been buried left somewhere in between illinois and indiana on an open road and a broken highway. I am not sure anymore that I wish I could be with her but I dont know why its hurts so much when she does care about me or what I am doing or forgets to call or cant show up. I dont know why. I recall that's all I could say when I cried that night, " why" over and over I said not knowing why I said why only that not knowing made me cry. I dont know how I feel abotu her and I dont think I ever will but at the same time I am not sure I dont want to be with her. its too hard to figure out and I dont have the energy to care. holly, oh holly she is beautiful and such a wonderful person she is everything I could have and she understand my humor and she thinks I am funnny I guess but alas she does not not not desire me at all in the least least least. I wish she did but no I wish she did. she is wonderful but she will never feel for me the way I feel for her. I need to find another love or finish an old one that needs attention, cassandra, gina, who I dont know but I think I need to move on from alicia and hannah maybe even holly I just need to let it go. all of it and smelle the fresh air of another day and better taste to tomorrow with love lasting long and forever more.