What? You don't date?
This might clear up some issues/questions:
By Dr. Altaf Kaisaruddin
It was a beautiful day, masha Allah. Most days were beautiful on
Dominica, but today was a little more special. I walked through the
gate toward the school. The security guard and I greeted each other.
"You goin' home soon?"
"Yeah, after I finish my finals. But I'll be back for the next
semester."
"You got people waiting for you?"
"Yeah, my family and friends."
"You got a girlfriend waiting for you?" He smiled a sly smile.
"Come on, P," I smiled back, "you know Muslims don't date."
Actually, he probably didn't know that. The people on this tiny
island know very little about Islam. From the news (cable TV from New
York) they learn that Muslims are violent, and from their preachers
they learn that all Muslim men have four wives.
"You don't date?" He asked with the standard surprise. People are
always surprised when I tell them that. Rather than get defensive, I
act as if they should know. It makes them more curious.
Then he asked the usual next question: "Well, how do you all get
married?"
I went through how dating is a relatively new phenomenon, only 50-60
years old, how it's only practiced in some parts of the world, and
how it doesn't work very well as evidenced by the sky-high divorce
rate. People have been getting married all over the world for
thousands of years without dating. In reality, not dating is the
norm.
"So, are the marriages arranged?"
"That's one way of doing it. See, Islam has guidelines for life.
Allah says to cover ourselves, and you see Muslims with many types of
dress. Allah says not to eat pork, not to drink alcohol and a couple
of other things. Muslims have so many varieties of foods. Regarding
marriage, Allah asks that we conduct ourselves with dignity, honor
and respect. The parents should be involved in the process,
everything's up front and there are no games. The man and the woman
have to agree, and they can say no for any reason. Any reason.
Nobody's trying to trick someone else, go back door, get something
for nothing, play this one for that one, or any other social
foolishness. Relationships between men and women are serious stuff.
And with the parents involved early, it provides additional stability
to the relationship." Without exception, at this point the people are
nodding in agreement.
By Dr. Altaf Kaisaruddin
It was a beautiful day, masha Allah. Most days were beautiful on
Dominica, but today was a little more special. I walked through the
gate toward the school. The security guard and I greeted each other.
"You goin' home soon?"
"Yeah, after I finish my finals. But I'll be back for the next
semester."
"You got people waiting for you?"
"Yeah, my family and friends."
"You got a girlfriend waiting for you?" He smiled a sly smile.
"Come on, P," I smiled back, "you know Muslims don't date."
Actually, he probably didn't know that. The people on this tiny
island know very little about Islam. From the news (cable TV from New
York) they learn that Muslims are violent, and from their preachers
they learn that all Muslim men have four wives.
"You don't date?" He asked with the standard surprise. People are
always surprised when I tell them that. Rather than get defensive, I
act as if they should know. It makes them more curious.
Then he asked the usual next question: "Well, how do you all get
married?"
I went through how dating is a relatively new phenomenon, only 50-60
years old, how it's only practiced in some parts of the world, and
how it doesn't work very well as evidenced by the sky-high divorce
rate. People have been getting married all over the world for
thousands of years without dating. In reality, not dating is the
norm.
"So, are the marriages arranged?"
"That's one way of doing it. See, Islam has guidelines for life.
Allah says to cover ourselves, and you see Muslims with many types of
dress. Allah says not to eat pork, not to drink alcohol and a couple
of other things. Muslims have so many varieties of foods. Regarding
marriage, Allah asks that we conduct ourselves with dignity, honor
and respect. The parents should be involved in the process,
everything's up front and there are no games. The man and the woman
have to agree, and they can say no for any reason. Any reason.
Nobody's trying to trick someone else, go back door, get something
for nothing, play this one for that one, or any other social
foolishness. Relationships between men and women are serious stuff.
And with the parents involved early, it provides additional stability
to the relationship." Without exception, at this point the people are
nodding in agreement.