"Bone digger, bone digger...dogs in the moonlight"
:Recently for my English Comp. class we were asked to recall a time that involved reading or writing in elementary school. This is basically the gist of what I turned in:
My first memory of reading involves my early troubles and laziness in actually using what I had learned. Up until this incident I had been doing enough to get by in class but did not yet view reading as helpful or even useful on a day to day basis. I did not understand that I was going need reading outside of school. On my first day of 2nd grade it became painfully obvious that I needed to stop being lazy.
My mom woke me up early and explained to me that since my brother, who is 5 years older than I, was now in the 7th grade he would not be showing me what class room to go to. He now attended school in a whole different building! She handed me my lunch money envelope and told me that I would need to read the name on the envelope and compare it to the name and number above the classrooms in the hallway. When I found the one that read “Mrs. Reighard” I was to go in and drop the envelope on her desk and find a seat. Before my mom had even stopped talking I had formulated a plan to make this as painless as possible.
As I rode the bus I reviewed my plan over and over. This would be simple. As I was well versed in the alphabet I would just find the room with the name that began with an “R” and go in. I’d drop the money, find a buddy and grab a seat. How wrong everyone had been about having to use reading everyday. I had outsmarted them all. Faking it was easier and much less thought provoking than actually reading.
Finally the bus arrived at the school. I stepped off wearing my brand new sneakers (as was the custom for a new school year) and sporting the coolest metal Mickey Mouse lunchbox my antique collecting grandparents could find. Oh yeah, I was about to pull off the biggest con in 2nd grade history. I strolled inside and hung out in the lobby comparing stories with friends of the summer’s exploits. As the time grew near for the bell to ring I still loitered, probably telling lies about home runs I didn’t hit and trips I didn’t take. Finally, when I thought I had squeezed in every last second I could before the bell rang I ventured down the hall. I was about to have one of the most embarrassing moments of my school career. A story that gandolf414 still enjoys retelling from time to time, when he deems it necessary to take me down a few pegs.
As I walked down the hall I noted my 1st grade classroom. I even glanced inside and saw Mrs. McCoy taking her place at the front of the class. She was none the wiser of my shortcomings in reading. Or maybe she was and just knew that I was smart enough to have worked out a system of just recognizing words by their first letter. Maybe I was some sort of genius that had actually taught himself a better way than the one all the teachers had been using since dinosaurs roamed the Earth. God bless Mrs. McCoy for realizing my genius. And I was nice enough to repay her by humoring her when she asked me questions. We had a good relationship and I was almost sad to have to keep walking past her room.
Finally I passed the library. Talk about a place whose sole purpose was lost on me. I knew they had books but for all I knew they were just decoration. All I knew about the library was the computers had Oregon Trail on them. And that Mary was always dying of something called Typhoid or Whooping Cough. Well I knew that Mary died of something starting with "T" or "W". Nonetheless I got the point that Mary had died and I was one step closer to losing on my trek to someplace that started with an "O". I was not completely sure what was going on at all times when I played the game, but who needs words to muck up the fun of watching an ox drown as it attempts to ford a river? I certainly did not.
Onward I pressed and soon came to the first of the 2nd grade classrooms. I dug for the envelope out of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack. Let’s see. “Mrs. R….” Okay, show time. All I have to do is find a room with an "R" and I’ll have succeeded once again. The first room says “Mrs.@#$%?"
Crap.
This could not be the room I’m looking for, right? On to the second and third rooms I walked. The second was on my right and the third was on my left. As I looked above the doors it soon donned on me that I was doomed. I could not form the letters. It was all just one huge word that I COULD NOT READ! For above both doors hung signs that read “Mrs. @#$#$%?.” I did dual double takes, which I believe constitutes a quadra take. As I stood there in a panic I realized that I might just have to apply some of the things I had learned the year prior. So I began to think, really hard, racking the memory banks for some solution.
Suddenly I recalled a summer of riding bikes instead of checking out the books on my reading list. And even further back than that I could remember a year of seeing just how sharp the pencil sharpener in my art box could make a number 2 pencil with my name emblazoned across the shaft. A year of making jokes about a guy named Tommy with another guy named Tanner. I was in deep. I was going to have to quit school and work as a garbage collection man the rest of my life. Dad had warned me this would happen if I did not pay attention. Now, at 7 years old it had come true. But just maybe I did remember something!
Inspiration reared its head in the form of yet more laziness. I would just look to see what length of the words were and determine which one above the door seemed like the one on my lunch money. Yet another look at my lunch money and I was armed with approximate length. I looked to the room on the left and saw that the name above the door was reasonably close.
Yes!!!
I was saved. And just as the bell rang I walked into the room and dropped my money in the basket on the teacher’s desk. As I turned to see who was in my class I saw gandolf414. We both rejoiced in the fact that we would be spending 2nd grade together. Just as we had completed our celebration the teacher began speaking to me. “Mr. Wright there seems to be a problem with your lunch money.”
I was taken a back, did my mom forget to put money in there? Was it not filled out completely? “No, Matt your envelope says Mrs. Reighard on it and I do not have you on my class list. Honey, I think you came to the wrong room.” I looked at Matt in disbelief. My face turned red. Our year of goofing off was ruined. She helped me gather my things and escorted me to the door. As we reached the hallway she pointed across the hall to Mrs. Reighard's room. I shuffled to Mrs. Reighards door and slowly opened it.
Truthfully I do not even recall what happened after I opened the door. But I’ll never forget the original excitement gandolf414 and I shared when we thought we would spend the whole of 2nd grade together. Nor will I forget the mutual shock when Mrs. Huey announced that I was in the wrong room. I do not recall anymore trouble reading after this incident though. I think it was the boot I needed to get me to take reading seriously.
My first memory of reading involves my early troubles and laziness in actually using what I had learned. Up until this incident I had been doing enough to get by in class but did not yet view reading as helpful or even useful on a day to day basis. I did not understand that I was going need reading outside of school. On my first day of 2nd grade it became painfully obvious that I needed to stop being lazy.
My mom woke me up early and explained to me that since my brother, who is 5 years older than I, was now in the 7th grade he would not be showing me what class room to go to. He now attended school in a whole different building! She handed me my lunch money envelope and told me that I would need to read the name on the envelope and compare it to the name and number above the classrooms in the hallway. When I found the one that read “Mrs. Reighard” I was to go in and drop the envelope on her desk and find a seat. Before my mom had even stopped talking I had formulated a plan to make this as painless as possible.
As I rode the bus I reviewed my plan over and over. This would be simple. As I was well versed in the alphabet I would just find the room with the name that began with an “R” and go in. I’d drop the money, find a buddy and grab a seat. How wrong everyone had been about having to use reading everyday. I had outsmarted them all. Faking it was easier and much less thought provoking than actually reading.
Finally the bus arrived at the school. I stepped off wearing my brand new sneakers (as was the custom for a new school year) and sporting the coolest metal Mickey Mouse lunchbox my antique collecting grandparents could find. Oh yeah, I was about to pull off the biggest con in 2nd grade history. I strolled inside and hung out in the lobby comparing stories with friends of the summer’s exploits. As the time grew near for the bell to ring I still loitered, probably telling lies about home runs I didn’t hit and trips I didn’t take. Finally, when I thought I had squeezed in every last second I could before the bell rang I ventured down the hall. I was about to have one of the most embarrassing moments of my school career. A story that gandolf414 still enjoys retelling from time to time, when he deems it necessary to take me down a few pegs.
As I walked down the hall I noted my 1st grade classroom. I even glanced inside and saw Mrs. McCoy taking her place at the front of the class. She was none the wiser of my shortcomings in reading. Or maybe she was and just knew that I was smart enough to have worked out a system of just recognizing words by their first letter. Maybe I was some sort of genius that had actually taught himself a better way than the one all the teachers had been using since dinosaurs roamed the Earth. God bless Mrs. McCoy for realizing my genius. And I was nice enough to repay her by humoring her when she asked me questions. We had a good relationship and I was almost sad to have to keep walking past her room.
Finally I passed the library. Talk about a place whose sole purpose was lost on me. I knew they had books but for all I knew they were just decoration. All I knew about the library was the computers had Oregon Trail on them. And that Mary was always dying of something called Typhoid or Whooping Cough. Well I knew that Mary died of something starting with "T" or "W". Nonetheless I got the point that Mary had died and I was one step closer to losing on my trek to someplace that started with an "O". I was not completely sure what was going on at all times when I played the game, but who needs words to muck up the fun of watching an ox drown as it attempts to ford a river? I certainly did not.
Onward I pressed and soon came to the first of the 2nd grade classrooms. I dug for the envelope out of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack. Let’s see. “Mrs. R….” Okay, show time. All I have to do is find a room with an "R" and I’ll have succeeded once again. The first room says “Mrs.@#$%?"
Crap.
This could not be the room I’m looking for, right? On to the second and third rooms I walked. The second was on my right and the third was on my left. As I looked above the doors it soon donned on me that I was doomed. I could not form the letters. It was all just one huge word that I COULD NOT READ! For above both doors hung signs that read “Mrs. @#$#$%?.” I did dual double takes, which I believe constitutes a quadra take. As I stood there in a panic I realized that I might just have to apply some of the things I had learned the year prior. So I began to think, really hard, racking the memory banks for some solution.
Suddenly I recalled a summer of riding bikes instead of checking out the books on my reading list. And even further back than that I could remember a year of seeing just how sharp the pencil sharpener in my art box could make a number 2 pencil with my name emblazoned across the shaft. A year of making jokes about a guy named Tommy with another guy named Tanner. I was in deep. I was going to have to quit school and work as a garbage collection man the rest of my life. Dad had warned me this would happen if I did not pay attention. Now, at 7 years old it had come true. But just maybe I did remember something!
Inspiration reared its head in the form of yet more laziness. I would just look to see what length of the words were and determine which one above the door seemed like the one on my lunch money. Yet another look at my lunch money and I was armed with approximate length. I looked to the room on the left and saw that the name above the door was reasonably close.
Yes!!!
I was saved. And just as the bell rang I walked into the room and dropped my money in the basket on the teacher’s desk. As I turned to see who was in my class I saw gandolf414. We both rejoiced in the fact that we would be spending 2nd grade together. Just as we had completed our celebration the teacher began speaking to me. “Mr. Wright there seems to be a problem with your lunch money.”
I was taken a back, did my mom forget to put money in there? Was it not filled out completely? “No, Matt your envelope says Mrs. Reighard on it and I do not have you on my class list. Honey, I think you came to the wrong room.” I looked at Matt in disbelief. My face turned red. Our year of goofing off was ruined. She helped me gather my things and escorted me to the door. As we reached the hallway she pointed across the hall to Mrs. Reighard's room. I shuffled to Mrs. Reighards door and slowly opened it.
Truthfully I do not even recall what happened after I opened the door. But I’ll never forget the original excitement gandolf414 and I shared when we thought we would spend the whole of 2nd grade together. Nor will I forget the mutual shock when Mrs. Huey announced that I was in the wrong room. I do not recall anymore trouble reading after this incident though. I think it was the boot I needed to get me to take reading seriously.