I agree. I think I end up in a lot of these conversations because I feel like we (humans) are perpetually tripped up over not being clear about what we mean.
Not really. So much of it is an emotional response. Sometimes I have a sense of unease that I don't recognize as a lack of trust until later when I've experienced something untrustworthy. And maybe it's just hindsight putting those two sensations together and making a whole picture
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I don't understand what it means to say you can trust people to be themselves, and also at the same time acknowledging that people change. It's sounding like you're saying whatever anyone does is ok with you. Maybe when it's not stuff that is vital to your survival whether physical or emotional?
Well, people being themselves includes changing. We're all on a journey, not static. And I'm not really thinking here about whether what they do is ok with me. Just saying that they will do what they do, regardless of what's ok with me or not. And I accept that because it's reality. It doesn't mean I always like it or condone it.
there's a middle ground somewhere here that's about honesty, disclosure, negotiating in good faith, and being able to effect what has been promised. that last is what's so often at issue, i think.
and, i really resonate w what Bounce says about getting hurt-- hurt feelings are pretty inevitable in life! blame often isn't useful!
Yes people definitely change and if we're lucky we're clued in and can experience the journey with some sense of awakeness even in glimpses. But the act or acts of trusting people seems like there necessitates a level of self respect. Maybe when I think of trusting it's also tied in with asking for what I need in the world and engaging with others to achieve those needs. Sometimes people harm you as a part of that change, accepting the change doesn't mean that I need to continue to engage in my own harm, to what end? Trust is variable in my experience.
Also I can certainly engage and enjoy people I don't trust. It's not a litmus test for me.
This is such a good point. It is not about getting hurt or not getting hurt for me. I could see something changing in a recent relationship. We talked about it and we changed that relationship, even though it hurt us both. She hurt me, and I trust her. Completely
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Well, people being themselves includes changing. We're all on a journey, not static. And I'm not really thinking here about whether what they do is ok with me. Just saying that they will do what they do, regardless of what's ok with me or not. And I accept that because it's reality. It doesn't mean I always like it or condone it.
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and, i really resonate w what Bounce says about getting hurt-- hurt feelings are pretty inevitable in life! blame often isn't useful!
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Also I can certainly engage and enjoy people I don't trust. It's not a litmus test for me.
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