Shit end of the stick
It never really hurts being the single guy around single guys, but it defiantly hurts when it feels like you’re the only one alone in the world. If there was some way to just flip some switch in my head that will turn off the sensory nerve to loneliness, that would be the first thing I would do. I'm pretty damn convinced that it’s the only solution, because even when I am with a girl, the moment I’m not I feel the same way. And I’m still too young to meet the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...if that even happens, so I don’t think there is any other way around the loneliness. Sometimes I wonder if I am really like the most emotional person on the subject, or maybe I'm the only one that writes about it. Or maybe I just think about it too much. Something in the back of my head tells me, I’m the ugly guy I used to say I'm glad I'm not. All the bitching and whining wont change a thing, I know that. I know that some girl won’t read this and say "hey that guy needs a girlfriend", but I hope someday I can look back and read this and say to the girl I love, "I’m so glad I found you because I wasn’t half the person I could be without you." Maybe I'm simply the dependant guy who always needs a girlfriend in the group, and just never has one. Maybe, Its not my attractiveness to girls, maybe its my personality, or my attitude, or brutal honesty, but I cant change who I am, I refuse to because I’ve tried so hard to be someone else in the past. Don’t get me wrong. If I could be someone else in order to not be lonely, I’m sure Id do it, but it doesn’t happen. In reality, I come to no conclusion, I have made no epiphany, I have simply made a journal entry and vented some of my frustration and it won’t change a god damn thing. And strangely enough, it’s comforting.
-fin
-fin