Someone posts a cliche fic meme and my brain gets hyperstimulated like I've been mainlining coke and methamphetamine for the last 36 hours, FML
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The Mankini Apocryphafatima_failteFebruary 21 2011, 14:17:45 UTC
See this right here is why I have stress whenever posting fic, because I trained as an historian originally and can't bring myself to mess with original source documents and all I want to do is go back and edit that shit in.
So, here you go:
The look on Kono's face when she handed over the paper bag should have been a dead giveaway, but Danny had been a little distracted by the knowledge that at that very moment Steve was in the shower with the steam and the soap and razor removing all his body hair so when she handed him a paper bag and said "Caterer sent this over for you" he felt he could be forgiven for thinking at first that it was a sandwich.
(It was kind of small for a sandwich to Danny's New Jersey (land of "if you can lift it with one hand it's too small") trained eyes but he'd been here long enough to know it was a possibility.)
So, being that he was prepared for prepared sliced deli products between two slices of bread, he had already pulled the gold tissue paper out of the bag and shaken it out in front of everyone, meaning Kono and Lee but that was still two too many, before he realized no, not a sandwich. "Okay, what the fuck?"
"It's your waiter uniform. There's a little bow tie in there too."
Danny looked back in the bag and spotted the little ziploc with the promised bow tie. "So. Where's the rest of it?"
Kono dissolved into laughter. "That's it. That's the uniform. Shorts and a bow tie. "
Lee was starting to get this really distracted look. As much to distract himself from the scary mental place he'd probably end up if he inadvertently followed Lee down what was no doubt a truly epic fantasy image of himself in gold shorts and a bow tie, probably holding a bouquet of roses and smelling like the Old Spice guy, but to keep from going any further down that path, Danny turned back to Kono and snarled.
"Very funny, now give me the other bag. The one with the thing that let's me hide a weapon."
Kono giggled, but at least knew enough to get straight long enough to address the strategic concerns, "Sorry. You were the one who said the easiest way to blend in was to dress like staff, and this is what they're wearing. Steve will have a gun to pass you in a pinch, since his whole body is like a lethal weapon anyway."
Lee made a little snort that sounded "not the only one." Danny manfully ignored him.
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
Kono nodded. "Oh, and Danny, the caterer had me describe you to her, and said something about 'bears' and that you shouldn't shave? Do you know what she meant by that?"
Standing between a bright-eyed and totally faux naive look of inquiry and a fantasy world in quivering, hyperventilating overdrive, Danny had never hated his life more.
Re: The Mankini Apocryphafatima_failteFebruary 22 2011, 05:08:20 UTC
Oh, you are beyond amazing! This makes the whole thing ten times better!
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
I can so imagine his exact tone here, and you have got him down pat! *can't stop grinning*
Re: The Mankini ApocryphagrimcognitoFebruary 22 2011, 05:08:59 UTC
Oh, you are beyond amazing! This makes the whole thing ten times better!
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
I can so imagine his exact tone here, and you have got him down pat! *can't stop grinning*
So, here you go:
The look on Kono's face when she handed over the paper bag should have been a dead giveaway, but Danny had been a little distracted by the knowledge that at that very moment Steve was in the shower with the steam and the soap and razor removing all his body hair so when she handed him a paper bag and said "Caterer sent this over for you" he felt he could be forgiven for thinking at first that it was a sandwich.
(It was kind of small for a sandwich to Danny's New Jersey (land of "if you can lift it with one hand it's too small") trained eyes but he'd been here long enough to know it was a possibility.)
So, being that he was prepared for prepared sliced deli products between two slices of bread, he had already pulled the gold tissue paper out of the bag and shaken it out in front of everyone, meaning Kono and Lee but that was still two too many, before he realized no, not a sandwich. "Okay, what the fuck?"
"It's your waiter uniform. There's a little bow tie in there too."
Danny looked back in the bag and spotted the little ziploc with the promised bow tie. "So. Where's the rest of it?"
Kono dissolved into laughter. "That's it. That's the uniform. Shorts and a bow tie. "
Lee was starting to get this really distracted look. As much to distract himself from the scary mental place he'd probably end up if he inadvertently followed Lee down what was no doubt a truly epic fantasy image of himself in gold shorts and a bow tie, probably holding a bouquet of roses and smelling like the Old Spice guy, but to keep from going any further down that path, Danny turned back to Kono and snarled.
"Very funny, now give me the other bag. The one with the thing that let's me hide a weapon."
Kono giggled, but at least knew enough to get straight long enough to address the strategic concerns, "Sorry. You were the one who said the easiest way to blend in was to dress like staff, and this is what they're wearing. Steve will have a gun to pass you in a pinch, since his whole body is like a lethal weapon anyway."
Lee made a little snort that sounded "not the only one." Danny manfully ignored him.
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
Kono nodded. "Oh, and Danny, the caterer had me describe you to her, and said something about 'bears' and that you shouldn't shave? Do you know what she meant by that?"
Standing between a bright-eyed and totally faux naive look of inquiry and a fantasy world in quivering, hyperventilating overdrive, Danny had never hated his life more.
Reply
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
I can so imagine his exact tone here, and you have got him down pat! *can't stop grinning*
Reply
"Great, so you're saying that on a team in which you, for instance, routinely wear a string bikini in the line of duty, I'm still going to win the prize for most naked."
I can so imagine his exact tone here, and you have got him down pat! *can't stop grinning*
Reply
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