Snooping
The private...
Yes, the Private Eye! This website gives me complete control over Kathy's mind. The power, the porn. It all makes sense. Actually it doesn't but that isn't what my writing is all about. I'm here to cause my baby questions "Why am I marrying this guy?", "Why does he touch my bum every time a kid walks by?" and "Why does he grab a a kids bum whenever I walk by?" That is the sole purpose of this journal so that my love of my life can see even further into my warped little mind. Because if she can handle my true feelings I think everything will work out fine.
Yesterday I went to work. Work was a blast. Will write soon. Love me.
Since the dawn of my 16th birthday I started a little thing called retail. It wasn't untill I wrote this sentence at the age of 21 near 22 that I began to contemplate whether that is how you really spell it... hrrm I should look into that. My first Job was Hollywood Video. Later on in life I moved to a place called Gamefellas even further down the road a place called Best Buy. The finally and still currently a place called GameStop. Lesson of the day is "No matter what job I have I still hate you."
Yes, Hate. A very strong word and my Drunken Mother always said "Never! Tell anyone you hate them because it is the worst thing you could say to them" so I replied "Mother, I'll vomit in your cereal and then pee in your orange juice" and she kindly replied "Touche!" I won that battle and Drunken Mother and I flew off on many adventures after that day!
Btw, If you aren't following what I'm saying now stop reading because the rest of my journals will be like this. This isn't my Talent coming out it's the thoughts coming out of my head while I'm writing. If you want great writing and story telling wait 10 years for my first book untill then let me vent. I'll be professional then.
Back to me hating you! Brought to you by the letter "C". Working in a place filled with 100's of people coming in and out only to spend 5 minutes there but to leave a lasting impression in my brain is by far the greatest experience of my life. I believe people are what makes the world turn! Fun Fun Fun people yay! Whether i'm selling movies or videogames it doesn't matter life is filled with people I hate and turns out they love to shop. Mindless retarded zombies, The average person as you would call them. A stadium filled to the brim with people, 98% fall into my "I really fucking hate you sir" Category. Dawn of the dead just came out and I find it very ironic that they made a movie about people locked in a mall trying survive the horde of people trying to get into the store they are hiding in.
It's there Sancutary, there haven. That movie is my life except the zombies are replaced with these creatures that we call customers.. however they do act the same. I think that I pretty much summed up what i'll be tackling for awhile. So with that i'll stop for now I would hate to sound like a bad version of "Clerks" so from now i'll just tell stories when they occur or whenever I think of something worth noting.
Well it was nice writing to you. Whomever reads this. I'm going to sleep now so I can dream that I don't work tomorrow. But I will leave you with a retail story i'll try to make it a habit gnight!
Episode 1: Fuck you I'm closed.
Nothing is worse then having a really crappy night at work. Customers harassing you. Asking the same stupid questions over and over again. "Can I play this DvD in my cd player?"..."Yes sir! If you put it in your walkman and go jogging a midget will jump out of the dvd player and runs along next to you with a tiny tv so that you can watch a movie while you try to lose weight!" (***Side note*** most of my retorts aren't true, I'm a liar. I just want to sound cool. But then sometimes i'm dick enough to say it to a customer because guys who are balding are pussies! yay! You can't make someone your bitch when you smell like Rogain)(Btw, I should learn how to spell). People walking in the front door taking to steps and asking "What's good?" so not to ruin there new shoes by actually walking around to see what's out.
But to add to a horrible night is something I like to call a Rushin (*The Great Peter Peter Peter Myhre! Term for the "Hey! Kids put your pants back on it's 8:58 and the store closes at 9:00 we have 30 minutes to shop!"
Oh yes how I hate these people. They come in right before you close. With their bright multi coloured overalls there cans of peaches under there arms. The sparkle in their eye when they see that they made it to the door before you did. Yes, they are cunning. They train there fatty little thighs for months so that they get the extra sprint in there step to make it before the buzzer.
On probably one of the most stressfull nights of my life I met the worst of the worst. This doesn't include Lesbian Gym Teacher Mullet Dude Looks Like A Lady Customer. L.G.T.M.D.L.L.A.L for short. I will teach you young ones of her tomorrow night.
I began with closing procedures, getting everything out of the way so that I could leave as soon as possible. Trying my hardest to get out. All I could think about at the time was how nice it would be to get home lay in bed and fall asleep after the trama I went through that night when the door opened. Sudden fear hit me. The air changed from a nice minty smell to a rancid B O and that's when I knew I was fucked. My eyes darted to the door and there he was! El Steve I will call him because! Just because! He met my gaze back with a sly grin! I pulled out my sword of justice and then killed him! ONLY IN THE HERO BOOKS! BUT I'M A PUSSY! SO THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENS! To be continued!!!!!
Now! Continued! Now!
Glancing down at the clock I saw that it was 11:59 one minute to close! "Sir we close in 30 seconds" Aha! Take that I lied to you! You had 58 seconds but he didn't know that! He must have! Because he shot back with a !!!!!! " I know what I want can I please go get." This one was smart for my weakness against evil customers is when they are friendly to me I can't be mean. "Sure, please be quick though sir" he takes of towards the back. I turned my sidekick at the time "Quick to the door! Stand by it and do not let anyone else come in for the love of god!" she was the perfect person to work with for this situtation all she had to do was stand in the doorway her ass the size of a Hostess Pie Truck would stop any customer from attempting to go through the door unless he wanted to swim through a pool of her lard!
Everything was looking bright my defense was up Castle fat had the door secured and the customer knew what he wanted it looked like I was going to have my night of rest after all. But alas I was celebrating my victory way to early. 10 minutes go by and the customer hasn't returned to the front. 12:10 and no sign of him. I didn't search for him in fear that he was another customer masturbating in the drama section to a Julia Roberts movie. Or worse in the kids section to a Mulan dvd.... yes we do not talk about that I was never the same after I got caught... er he got caught. I shout to the man "Dude! Really we have to close up!" in which he replies "Coming!" after 5 minutes we repeat this. I remember doing this as a child to FatherGilpin and Drunken Mother now I know how they felt. Finally the bastard came up to the counter.
12:15, He sets down his movies. "May I have your phone number sir?" I ask him. "Actually i'm not a memeber I need to sign up for one"
12:16 I piss myself. Urine makes me feel better gives me a chance to free myself from him while he fills out the paper work. I head to the back clean and up and yell
12:20 He doesn't remember his new phone number
12:25 He explains that my suggestion "You can make up a number and come back later and give me a real one" won't work due to the fact that he would forget that number.
12:26 The slap across his face and a bag of popcorn I give him as a bribe he understands that I can look him up by his name next time he comes in and I will write it down on his hand so he won't forget it.
12:30 I'm baggig up his shit and telling him to have a nice day.
12:32 his gimp makes him walk really slow he touches the door.
12:35 He is still standing there with a blank stare at his bag.
12:36 "Where is my movies?" <--- Btw, That isn't a typo or for humour. People are just that stupid.
12:36 "In, the fucking bag!"
12:38 "But these thigns are small"
12:38 "Technology is a wonderfull thing isn't it?"
12:40 "Huh?"
12:40 "Nothing....."
12:42 "oh..."
12:42 "Sir, Why are you still here?"
12:45 "uhh, i'm waiting for my tapes"
12:45 "??? Tapes, what tapes?" those are dvd's"
12:47 "I don't want dvd's all I gots is a vcr!"
3:00 A.m I'm in bed wide awake, i'm sweating from dragging El Steve's body to the woods and I can't sleep. Kill me! Please.
The morale of this true story is "If a place is called Hollywood Dvd. They probably only carry DvD's!" Thanks for wasting my time you dick. Love me The Father The Gilpin
The FatherGilpin. With love!
My journal is dedicated to the one I love! and to Kevin Bacon!
Yes, the Private Eye! This website gives me complete control over Kathy's mind. The power, the porn. It all makes sense. Actually it doesn't but that isn't what my writing is all about. I'm here to cause my baby questions "Why am I marrying this guy?", "Why does he touch my bum every time a kid walks by?" and "Why does he grab a a kids bum whenever I walk by?" That is the sole purpose of this journal so that my love of my life can see even further into my warped little mind. Because if she can handle my true feelings I think everything will work out fine.
Yesterday I went to work. Work was a blast. Will write soon. Love me.
Since the dawn of my 16th birthday I started a little thing called retail. It wasn't untill I wrote this sentence at the age of 21 near 22 that I began to contemplate whether that is how you really spell it... hrrm I should look into that. My first Job was Hollywood Video. Later on in life I moved to a place called Gamefellas even further down the road a place called Best Buy. The finally and still currently a place called GameStop. Lesson of the day is "No matter what job I have I still hate you."
Yes, Hate. A very strong word and my Drunken Mother always said "Never! Tell anyone you hate them because it is the worst thing you could say to them" so I replied "Mother, I'll vomit in your cereal and then pee in your orange juice" and she kindly replied "Touche!" I won that battle and Drunken Mother and I flew off on many adventures after that day!
Btw, If you aren't following what I'm saying now stop reading because the rest of my journals will be like this. This isn't my Talent coming out it's the thoughts coming out of my head while I'm writing. If you want great writing and story telling wait 10 years for my first book untill then let me vent. I'll be professional then.
Back to me hating you! Brought to you by the letter "C". Working in a place filled with 100's of people coming in and out only to spend 5 minutes there but to leave a lasting impression in my brain is by far the greatest experience of my life. I believe people are what makes the world turn! Fun Fun Fun people yay! Whether i'm selling movies or videogames it doesn't matter life is filled with people I hate and turns out they love to shop. Mindless retarded zombies, The average person as you would call them. A stadium filled to the brim with people, 98% fall into my "I really fucking hate you sir" Category. Dawn of the dead just came out and I find it very ironic that they made a movie about people locked in a mall trying survive the horde of people trying to get into the store they are hiding in.
It's there Sancutary, there haven. That movie is my life except the zombies are replaced with these creatures that we call customers.. however they do act the same. I think that I pretty much summed up what i'll be tackling for awhile. So with that i'll stop for now I would hate to sound like a bad version of "Clerks" so from now i'll just tell stories when they occur or whenever I think of something worth noting.
Well it was nice writing to you. Whomever reads this. I'm going to sleep now so I can dream that I don't work tomorrow. But I will leave you with a retail story i'll try to make it a habit gnight!
Episode 1: Fuck you I'm closed.
Nothing is worse then having a really crappy night at work. Customers harassing you. Asking the same stupid questions over and over again. "Can I play this DvD in my cd player?"..."Yes sir! If you put it in your walkman and go jogging a midget will jump out of the dvd player and runs along next to you with a tiny tv so that you can watch a movie while you try to lose weight!" (***Side note*** most of my retorts aren't true, I'm a liar. I just want to sound cool. But then sometimes i'm dick enough to say it to a customer because guys who are balding are pussies! yay! You can't make someone your bitch when you smell like Rogain)(Btw, I should learn how to spell). People walking in the front door taking to steps and asking "What's good?" so not to ruin there new shoes by actually walking around to see what's out.
But to add to a horrible night is something I like to call a Rushin (*The Great Peter Peter Peter Myhre! Term for the "Hey! Kids put your pants back on it's 8:58 and the store closes at 9:00 we have 30 minutes to shop!"
Oh yes how I hate these people. They come in right before you close. With their bright multi coloured overalls there cans of peaches under there arms. The sparkle in their eye when they see that they made it to the door before you did. Yes, they are cunning. They train there fatty little thighs for months so that they get the extra sprint in there step to make it before the buzzer.
On probably one of the most stressfull nights of my life I met the worst of the worst. This doesn't include Lesbian Gym Teacher Mullet Dude Looks Like A Lady Customer. L.G.T.M.D.L.L.A.L for short. I will teach you young ones of her tomorrow night.
I began with closing procedures, getting everything out of the way so that I could leave as soon as possible. Trying my hardest to get out. All I could think about at the time was how nice it would be to get home lay in bed and fall asleep after the trama I went through that night when the door opened. Sudden fear hit me. The air changed from a nice minty smell to a rancid B O and that's when I knew I was fucked. My eyes darted to the door and there he was! El Steve I will call him because! Just because! He met my gaze back with a sly grin! I pulled out my sword of justice and then killed him! ONLY IN THE HERO BOOKS! BUT I'M A PUSSY! SO THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENS! To be continued!!!!!
Now! Continued! Now!
Glancing down at the clock I saw that it was 11:59 one minute to close! "Sir we close in 30 seconds" Aha! Take that I lied to you! You had 58 seconds but he didn't know that! He must have! Because he shot back with a !!!!!! " I know what I want can I please go get." This one was smart for my weakness against evil customers is when they are friendly to me I can't be mean. "Sure, please be quick though sir" he takes of towards the back. I turned my sidekick at the time "Quick to the door! Stand by it and do not let anyone else come in for the love of god!" she was the perfect person to work with for this situtation all she had to do was stand in the doorway her ass the size of a Hostess Pie Truck would stop any customer from attempting to go through the door unless he wanted to swim through a pool of her lard!
Everything was looking bright my defense was up Castle fat had the door secured and the customer knew what he wanted it looked like I was going to have my night of rest after all. But alas I was celebrating my victory way to early. 10 minutes go by and the customer hasn't returned to the front. 12:10 and no sign of him. I didn't search for him in fear that he was another customer masturbating in the drama section to a Julia Roberts movie. Or worse in the kids section to a Mulan dvd.... yes we do not talk about that I was never the same after I got caught... er he got caught. I shout to the man "Dude! Really we have to close up!" in which he replies "Coming!" after 5 minutes we repeat this. I remember doing this as a child to FatherGilpin and Drunken Mother now I know how they felt. Finally the bastard came up to the counter.
12:15, He sets down his movies. "May I have your phone number sir?" I ask him. "Actually i'm not a memeber I need to sign up for one"
12:16 I piss myself. Urine makes me feel better gives me a chance to free myself from him while he fills out the paper work. I head to the back clean and up and yell
12:20 He doesn't remember his new phone number
12:25 He explains that my suggestion "You can make up a number and come back later and give me a real one" won't work due to the fact that he would forget that number.
12:26 The slap across his face and a bag of popcorn I give him as a bribe he understands that I can look him up by his name next time he comes in and I will write it down on his hand so he won't forget it.
12:30 I'm baggig up his shit and telling him to have a nice day.
12:32 his gimp makes him walk really slow he touches the door.
12:35 He is still standing there with a blank stare at his bag.
12:36 "Where is my movies?" <--- Btw, That isn't a typo or for humour. People are just that stupid.
12:36 "In, the fucking bag!"
12:38 "But these thigns are small"
12:38 "Technology is a wonderfull thing isn't it?"
12:40 "Huh?"
12:40 "Nothing....."
12:42 "oh..."
12:42 "Sir, Why are you still here?"
12:45 "uhh, i'm waiting for my tapes"
12:45 "??? Tapes, what tapes?" those are dvd's"
12:47 "I don't want dvd's all I gots is a vcr!"
3:00 A.m I'm in bed wide awake, i'm sweating from dragging El Steve's body to the woods and I can't sleep. Kill me! Please.
The morale of this true story is "If a place is called Hollywood Dvd. They probably only carry DvD's!" Thanks for wasting my time you dick. Love me The Father The Gilpin
The FatherGilpin. With love!
My journal is dedicated to the one I love! and to Kevin Bacon!