bff
BFF
Kelly is my best friend. I don't deserve to have friends because I am a screw up, so I am very lucky. Kelly is the best friend a fucked up sixteen-year-old girl like myself could possibly ask for. She is a Gemini, so we have good chemistry. Astrology is important to me. I teach her all about that stuff. We talk all the time.
But I don't tell her the other things. I could never tell the real stuff.
I don't tell her that I cry so hard I'm afraid I'll never stop. Or that I drink myself to sleep. Or how I'm afraid to be left alone, which happens every day, because I stare at these pills and wonder what's stopping me.
I don't tell her about the tubes, or the machines, running in and out of my moms nose and mouth. Beeping and puffing for her. Or that I don't even recognize my mom because her face is so puffy and swollen that she looks like an alien so I just have to trust the doctors when they tell me it's her. I don't tell her that I wish she had just died so I could just move on with my life, and how I will go to hell for that.
I don't tell her that it's my fault that my mom is a fucking vegetable. A stalk of broccoli. A cucumber. A fucking carrot. Because I told her that day, 'I hope you die.' I don't tell her about that. I could never tell her that.
Kelly is my best friend. I don't deserve to have friends because I am a screw up, so I am very lucky. Kelly is the best friend a fucked up sixteen-year-old girl like myself could possibly ask for. She is a Gemini, so we have good chemistry. Astrology is important to me. I teach her all about that stuff. We talk all the time.
But I don't tell her the other things. I could never tell the real stuff.
I don't tell her that I cry so hard I'm afraid I'll never stop. Or that I drink myself to sleep. Or how I'm afraid to be left alone, which happens every day, because I stare at these pills and wonder what's stopping me.
I don't tell her about the tubes, or the machines, running in and out of my moms nose and mouth. Beeping and puffing for her. Or that I don't even recognize my mom because her face is so puffy and swollen that she looks like an alien so I just have to trust the doctors when they tell me it's her. I don't tell her that I wish she had just died so I could just move on with my life, and how I will go to hell for that.
I don't tell her that it's my fault that my mom is a fucking vegetable. A stalk of broccoli. A cucumber. A fucking carrot. Because I told her that day, 'I hope you die.' I don't tell her about that. I could never tell her that.