(no subject)
New Years' Eve was:
Fun. It's rare that I have so much fun at a party. I spent it with my good friend Jim and his wife Lisa. I had an excellent time.
Sad. I don't know how many times I sat on the couch watching Jim's family, his brothers and sisters, all in their 30's, happily married, with 2.3 kids. Also had to restrain myself from staring at Jim's sister Missy who is the only one who is divorced. She's beautiful with a wonderful personality and is a wonderful mother and ... who am I kidding. I don't have a chance with her. I fantasized about making out with her at midnight. However, I did watch her carefully right at midnight. She looked at her glass of champagne, took a drink of it and stared at her feet while her siblings kissed their significant others. Then the moment turned joyous again as me, Jim and two of his brothers joined together to sing the first line and several unintelligible moanings slightly resembling Auld Lang Syne.
Memorable. I proposed a toast shortly after midnight to Jim and Lisa for opening their home to everyone including myself and "putting up with our bullshit" as I so eloquently put it. But there were here's and aye's and raised glasses of champagne. Then later on in the night Jim and his brother Scott decided to have a fire starting contest which Scott had challenged Jim to earlier. Jim had gotten two bales of hay and a flint thingy for this event. They took them both out to the backyard and Jim set to it first. Ten minutes later, nothing. Scott went over to his bale and promptly fired it up after two strikes. Come to find out later that Scott had liberally doused his bale with gasoline prior to the contest. We laughed about that until our sides hurt. I told Jim much to his chagrin, "You do realize I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life." I hope I keep true to that.
Blurry. Not a record amount of alcohol but surely close. 2 Jack Daniel's Lemonades, 2 Peels, 2 Bacardi Passion Fruit, 2 glasses of champagne, 3/4 of a bottle of some wine that nobody else liked (yes I said 3/4 of a bottle), and a glass of approximately 2 shots of polish potato vodka and orange soda. I was seriously buzzed, but not sloppy drunk. And the age-old trick taught to me by my mom of drinking some water before going to bed deprived me of any new year hangover effects.
Somewhat familiar. It hasn't been all that often that I had memories of my childhood on the same par as last night. Don't get me wrong though, there have been a few. Moments that the feeling of family love, joy and unity came together to make a warm fuzzy feeling not related to alcohol. It is something, however, that I crave, like a cold-turkey quitter craves another drag. I feel a need for that familial companionship, possibly even in a paternal role. I'd probably be told though by at least 60% of the registered audience that I'm still just a baby and I have my whole life ahead of me. But what if I die tomorrow? Or worse yet, go through half of my life or more not having what I so desperately desire? Mom says I can't look to anyone else to provide my happiness. But to me it's like a certain situation, such as if I needed a specific component to do my job properly. I'm a DJ so let's say an accurate approximation would be my DJ'ing computer. It's not necessary for the job. Certainly other DJ's have in the past and still do do their jobs without them. But it sure as snowballs melting in hell makes my job alot easier. To me, having the computer is essential. So is having a companion in my life. Many people have gone without a serious companion or no companion at all. If they can live their life that way because they're priorities are different, more power to them. To me, having a companion is an essential part of happy living. A warm body to snuggle up to and hold at night. A friend to laugh, cry and talk with. A lover who won't blow my cover, but may blow something else. A brilliantly glowing and smiling face that I could just star at for hours on end and know in my heart that she loves me for who I am. I've been depressed about this, not because I'm looking to this person to bring me my happiness, but because life denies me the one thing I want most.
There are things in my life that I need to do right now. I've set my priorities and I'm determined to see them through. I'm committed and I'm ready to act. Now if only I could remember where I left my keys. :P
Fun. It's rare that I have so much fun at a party. I spent it with my good friend Jim and his wife Lisa. I had an excellent time.
Sad. I don't know how many times I sat on the couch watching Jim's family, his brothers and sisters, all in their 30's, happily married, with 2.3 kids. Also had to restrain myself from staring at Jim's sister Missy who is the only one who is divorced. She's beautiful with a wonderful personality and is a wonderful mother and ... who am I kidding. I don't have a chance with her. I fantasized about making out with her at midnight. However, I did watch her carefully right at midnight. She looked at her glass of champagne, took a drink of it and stared at her feet while her siblings kissed their significant others. Then the moment turned joyous again as me, Jim and two of his brothers joined together to sing the first line and several unintelligible moanings slightly resembling Auld Lang Syne.
Memorable. I proposed a toast shortly after midnight to Jim and Lisa for opening their home to everyone including myself and "putting up with our bullshit" as I so eloquently put it. But there were here's and aye's and raised glasses of champagne. Then later on in the night Jim and his brother Scott decided to have a fire starting contest which Scott had challenged Jim to earlier. Jim had gotten two bales of hay and a flint thingy for this event. They took them both out to the backyard and Jim set to it first. Ten minutes later, nothing. Scott went over to his bale and promptly fired it up after two strikes. Come to find out later that Scott had liberally doused his bale with gasoline prior to the contest. We laughed about that until our sides hurt. I told Jim much to his chagrin, "You do realize I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life." I hope I keep true to that.
Blurry. Not a record amount of alcohol but surely close. 2 Jack Daniel's Lemonades, 2 Peels, 2 Bacardi Passion Fruit, 2 glasses of champagne, 3/4 of a bottle of some wine that nobody else liked (yes I said 3/4 of a bottle), and a glass of approximately 2 shots of polish potato vodka and orange soda. I was seriously buzzed, but not sloppy drunk. And the age-old trick taught to me by my mom of drinking some water before going to bed deprived me of any new year hangover effects.
Somewhat familiar. It hasn't been all that often that I had memories of my childhood on the same par as last night. Don't get me wrong though, there have been a few. Moments that the feeling of family love, joy and unity came together to make a warm fuzzy feeling not related to alcohol. It is something, however, that I crave, like a cold-turkey quitter craves another drag. I feel a need for that familial companionship, possibly even in a paternal role. I'd probably be told though by at least 60% of the registered audience that I'm still just a baby and I have my whole life ahead of me. But what if I die tomorrow? Or worse yet, go through half of my life or more not having what I so desperately desire? Mom says I can't look to anyone else to provide my happiness. But to me it's like a certain situation, such as if I needed a specific component to do my job properly. I'm a DJ so let's say an accurate approximation would be my DJ'ing computer. It's not necessary for the job. Certainly other DJ's have in the past and still do do their jobs without them. But it sure as snowballs melting in hell makes my job alot easier. To me, having the computer is essential. So is having a companion in my life. Many people have gone without a serious companion or no companion at all. If they can live their life that way because they're priorities are different, more power to them. To me, having a companion is an essential part of happy living. A warm body to snuggle up to and hold at night. A friend to laugh, cry and talk with. A lover who won't blow my cover, but may blow something else. A brilliantly glowing and smiling face that I could just star at for hours on end and know in my heart that she loves me for who I am. I've been depressed about this, not because I'm looking to this person to bring me my happiness, but because life denies me the one thing I want most.
There are things in my life that I need to do right now. I've set my priorities and I'm determined to see them through. I'm committed and I'm ready to act. Now if only I could remember where I left my keys. :P