My Mom And Her Life
So I've never really kept a journal before, at least not seriously. This being my first attempt, I'm at a bit of a loss. So with that in mind, I think I'll talk about something other me, like my mother for instance. I just went through all of her journals and came to understand a few things. One of them is that she's always way way way too nice to everyone except me and my brother. For the longest time I thought it was because she disliked the idea of us being her sons, being her responsibility, being the great weight that has been on her back for 20 plus years. Over the past 4 years or so, I slowly came to the conclusion that that simply is not so. She loves us more than anything. What has been her problem all along is either she isn't sure about how to express herself and ends up not expressing herself in any mentionable means which was a big cause of miscommunication, or she exaggerates things to the point where the communication lines become annoying to maintain. This made me believe she was overbearing, commanding, controlling, and sometimes just plain rude. She is, in fact, just struggling to maintain her own balance in life while dealing with all the shit that life throws at all of us. This has not been made any easier by the fact that my brother has a serious lack of interest in his future. He is irresponsible with his belongings and others', he procrastinates worse than I do, and he shows almost no respect for authority figures. He just recently got his first job as a dishwasher at a Hometown Buffet. I'll definitely be interested to see how he copes with his first real authority figure out in the real world. But my analysis of him is another story. So anyway, mom has all of these things to worry about, plus the man that could've been her second husband is a piece of shit and she has to deal with him. It's a very good thing she didn't run off to Vegas to get married to that schmuck like she said she might. The problem with marriages today is that nobody knows who it is that they are marrying. They rush into the relationship with the grand idea that everything's gonna be hunky dory and a year and a half later they're getting divorced. Of course who am I to talk? I haven't been in a serious relationship in over 4 years. So let's cover all the bases here .... 1. She falls in love with a man who will never be a good husband. 2. She dumps that man, more or less, for another man who she then marries because he will be a good husband. 3. the man she has married turns into a worse schmuck than the first one. As sad as it is to say, people change after marriage, and that would be the major cause of all divorces. 4. My brother and I arrive on the scene to wreak havoc. 5. The marriage goes sour and separation occurs. 6. What can only be described as a relapse occurs with the first man. 7. First man is still a schmuck. 8. Pain and heartache arrive again and after 30 years my mother is finally realizing that she's too nice. She takes too much shit from everybody and doesn't give any out, except to me and my brother who got the brunt of it over the years. A mom can't be a successful mom without being able to focus her time, energy and love on her children. My mother definitely loved us, but all of her time was spent cleaning up after my father's messes and taking care of things that he should've taken care of. And with spending all that time on those things, she had no energy to combat rowdy children, illness, depression, and do her part to keep the household together. I'd say my mom did an excellent job with what she had, and that is her necessity to get the job done, even though it didn't always get done well. We always had food on the table, a roof over our heads, anything we wanted within reason, and a mother whose love knew no bounds. So now I believe her July Resolution is to take no more shit from anyone. Not the schmuck, not my father, not my brother or myself, not from her job, or her would-be friends. She will stand up for herself when it is needed and still have the kind and giving soul that she always has had. She will persevere under the hardships that life will throw at her, standing up to shout, "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!"