craptastic
so...in a major funk again. yay for the holiday season. *sighs* Thanksgiving was AWESOME but it always seems like christmas comes with a whole wave of stupid emotional bullshit. i'm considering celebrating yule on the 22nd i think instead, just doing the "christmas" thing for the family.
anyway, since i only use this space to rant about bummed out crap, that's what i'm doing. does that make me emo? *shrugs*
so...lost my job. yep. again. through no fault of my own! hahaha /sarcasm. i was actually told by my boss, 'hey, you were great, we want to keep you, but when we decided to change our business structure it was decided that we need to try several people before settling'. so basically i got dumped cause they wanna play the field. the temp agency -apparently- was supposed to tell me this was going to happen, but they neglected to do so in all the talk about opportunities for advancement, 2x a year travelling to vegas and stuff for national conventions, all that awesome stuff. just didn't mention that they were going to lay me off after i'd worked there up to 90 days so they could try someone else. i have a "chance" that they'll call me back in, but the temp agency is already treating it like a no-go so i'm so not getting my hopes up. i loved that job, it was truly awesome and the people were great, and i am beyond upset that i was falsely led to believe i was going to get hired if i worked my ass off- which i did.
so. lost my job. theeen, i talk things out with my mom finally, get all my finances settled for school (this is on the 3rd) and go to the kirkwood website to find out when i need to take my test and go get enrolled. ...and the site says they're not accepting applications anymore, and to call if i have questions. so i call...and find out the program for 2008 and the waiting list both filled up on nov. 30th. so...i'm not going to school in june. like i've been planning for the last 6 months at least. that one hit me so, so hard i don't know how to express how bad it hurt. nich is being a doll, he's trying to remind me that maybe it's a good thing, we'll have a car for me by 2009, we'll be in a better financial position, and everything he says is true but all i hear in my head is "you're not going to school." yet -another- thing that i've hoped and hoped and prayed and worked my fucking ass off to get and it falls through because of something i couldn't control.
fuck the holidays. people are assholes in every store, and the streets with their nice layer of ice apparently make everyone act like dickweeds. i nearly got hit while running errands this morning because I was waiting to turn right at a red light and the person behind me decided they'd "had enough" and laid on their horn and accelerated at me. after already dealing with this other crap, i almost had a serious case of seeing red and wanted really badly to go hurt them. naturally, i didn't, but it's a good indicator of how badly i'm feeling.
picked a fight with nich last night too. had a big guild event that i'd worked for weeks on, out of 29 or so members...4 people showed up. and one gave me super attitude, trying to tell me what to do and how to do it. i ended up turning off the game halfway through, and nich left too and i snapped at him for leaving, which hurt his feelings so he got real quiet and asked a question really timidly and i totally flipped out on him, telling him to not look at me, not talk to me, just to get away from me. i think i scared him a little, which of course sent me even further out of it... i think i just sat there for 20 minutes trying really hard not to destroy everything in reach. good thing i remember the value of stuff when i'm that mad i guess, or my beautiful puter would have been a casualty. finally calmed down, cried in his arms, apologized... really don't deserve such a good guy when i'm like that. he knew why, of course, but i hate hurting his feelings and i hate that the moment i see him weak, i want to go for the throat and rip it out.
finally, i'm an aunt 2x over now. riss had her kid. and she's keeping it. the reason i'm not more happy is because she won't leave the asshole father now at all and i have a strong suspicion that once she graduates from highschool (she's 17) he's gonna come down on her hard to keep her barefoot and pregnant and she's gonna go along with it. either that, or she's gonna get hit with postpartum again (the first baby did it bad), gonna stop taking care of her tiny apartment (which mr. dickweed won't do -ANY- housework, of course) and child services is gonna drop by and take her kids away. knowing my sister's mentality and even though it sucks to say it...i think i'd be getting a phone call from a hospital or my mom telling me she'd killed herself if that happens. then my mom is getting super defensive because i'm worried about her throwing her money away, getting angry because i don't trust her to take care of me, so i have to go save her feelings instead of standing by what i say (cause honestly, and it sucks to admit, i'll say whatever i have to in order for her to not be mad at me again. truth, lies, licking her feet, whatever. as long as she keeps talking to me and helps me with paying for school.) which of course makes me feel like a total spineless douche.
all in all...fuck the world, fuck the holidays, fuck my family and bad things constantly happening to good people. *middle finger*
*walks off*
anyway, since i only use this space to rant about bummed out crap, that's what i'm doing. does that make me emo? *shrugs*
so...lost my job. yep. again. through no fault of my own! hahaha /sarcasm. i was actually told by my boss, 'hey, you were great, we want to keep you, but when we decided to change our business structure it was decided that we need to try several people before settling'. so basically i got dumped cause they wanna play the field. the temp agency -apparently- was supposed to tell me this was going to happen, but they neglected to do so in all the talk about opportunities for advancement, 2x a year travelling to vegas and stuff for national conventions, all that awesome stuff. just didn't mention that they were going to lay me off after i'd worked there up to 90 days so they could try someone else. i have a "chance" that they'll call me back in, but the temp agency is already treating it like a no-go so i'm so not getting my hopes up. i loved that job, it was truly awesome and the people were great, and i am beyond upset that i was falsely led to believe i was going to get hired if i worked my ass off- which i did.
so. lost my job. theeen, i talk things out with my mom finally, get all my finances settled for school (this is on the 3rd) and go to the kirkwood website to find out when i need to take my test and go get enrolled. ...and the site says they're not accepting applications anymore, and to call if i have questions. so i call...and find out the program for 2008 and the waiting list both filled up on nov. 30th. so...i'm not going to school in june. like i've been planning for the last 6 months at least. that one hit me so, so hard i don't know how to express how bad it hurt. nich is being a doll, he's trying to remind me that maybe it's a good thing, we'll have a car for me by 2009, we'll be in a better financial position, and everything he says is true but all i hear in my head is "you're not going to school." yet -another- thing that i've hoped and hoped and prayed and worked my fucking ass off to get and it falls through because of something i couldn't control.
fuck the holidays. people are assholes in every store, and the streets with their nice layer of ice apparently make everyone act like dickweeds. i nearly got hit while running errands this morning because I was waiting to turn right at a red light and the person behind me decided they'd "had enough" and laid on their horn and accelerated at me. after already dealing with this other crap, i almost had a serious case of seeing red and wanted really badly to go hurt them. naturally, i didn't, but it's a good indicator of how badly i'm feeling.
picked a fight with nich last night too. had a big guild event that i'd worked for weeks on, out of 29 or so members...4 people showed up. and one gave me super attitude, trying to tell me what to do and how to do it. i ended up turning off the game halfway through, and nich left too and i snapped at him for leaving, which hurt his feelings so he got real quiet and asked a question really timidly and i totally flipped out on him, telling him to not look at me, not talk to me, just to get away from me. i think i scared him a little, which of course sent me even further out of it... i think i just sat there for 20 minutes trying really hard not to destroy everything in reach. good thing i remember the value of stuff when i'm that mad i guess, or my beautiful puter would have been a casualty. finally calmed down, cried in his arms, apologized... really don't deserve such a good guy when i'm like that. he knew why, of course, but i hate hurting his feelings and i hate that the moment i see him weak, i want to go for the throat and rip it out.
finally, i'm an aunt 2x over now. riss had her kid. and she's keeping it. the reason i'm not more happy is because she won't leave the asshole father now at all and i have a strong suspicion that once she graduates from highschool (she's 17) he's gonna come down on her hard to keep her barefoot and pregnant and she's gonna go along with it. either that, or she's gonna get hit with postpartum again (the first baby did it bad), gonna stop taking care of her tiny apartment (which mr. dickweed won't do -ANY- housework, of course) and child services is gonna drop by and take her kids away. knowing my sister's mentality and even though it sucks to say it...i think i'd be getting a phone call from a hospital or my mom telling me she'd killed herself if that happens. then my mom is getting super defensive because i'm worried about her throwing her money away, getting angry because i don't trust her to take care of me, so i have to go save her feelings instead of standing by what i say (cause honestly, and it sucks to admit, i'll say whatever i have to in order for her to not be mad at me again. truth, lies, licking her feet, whatever. as long as she keeps talking to me and helps me with paying for school.) which of course makes me feel like a total spineless douche.
all in all...fuck the world, fuck the holidays, fuck my family and bad things constantly happening to good people. *middle finger*
*walks off*