Curveballs coming straight at me...
(Originally written last night, due to LiveJournal being a bitch, I didn't get to post it till now)
So.
I've been suspended for 2 days w/out pay for not folding and mailing out letters. I believe the time for frustrated screaming at the collective gods that rule office work has passed, and it has now passed to the time for frustrated grumbling as I spend the next 48 consecutive hours on a search for a well paying job w/ good benefits that I can do from home that doesn't involve sales. (edit: apparently, this is IMPOSSIBLE)
Why am I giving up? Lemme lay it on the line for ya and see if you understand:
1) Hired. Woot!!
2) Supervisor is replaced.
3) Put on "corrective action" for a) reading my book in view of other people (??something about the "image") b) quality score not being high enough (no argument, understandable) this would be February of this year.
4) I stop reading, come in on time every day, and dramatically raise quality score- but due to the fact that I worked on a project for a month, my score for that month is "thrown out" and my score id not determined to be raised far enough (even though it's over where they said it needed to be)... Instead of letting me remain as I am (on corrective action), I am put on a "Final Warning" and am coldly asked by the then-assistant manager if I even -want- the job---- supervisor is replaced again
6) Raise quality score wayyyyy over where it needs to be. Work ass off. Get very little sleep. Volunteer for overtime. Spend three fucking months working so hard that I start getting migraines again. Get called to HR, after 3 months of CONSTANT communication w/ my supervisor who has sworn up down and sideways that I'll be off the action and free and clear. I walk in, and see the damned slip with the "suspension" area checked. I nearly pass out.
I don't understand it. I've worked my everlovin ass off, I've done overtime, I've stayed awake nights stressing out so much that I've begun snapping at Nich with the tension, then bursting into tears and apologies. In the last 10 months, I have done every single thing they have asked of me, above and beyond (I have worked on projects, I have been recognized by other departments, I am even a person that other COMPANIES ask for on the phone to fix problems) and I keep getting kicked in the ass every single fucking time that my performance comes up.
It wouldn't hurt so bad if I hadn't been warned this would happen by the one person that I hate and despise, that has hurt and betrayed me the very most of anyone else in this world. Tony (stepdad, for those that haven't been paying attention) was a master at the office political game, and he told me every day that the world was full of people that would step on me to rise higher, particularly if they noticed that I was smart and doing well. Damn him, why did he have to be right about this?!?! I fought, I strained, I have worked so incredibly hard to do well and to prove that I could do this job (I'm the youngest person in the office and the only one w/out a degree) only now to have to sit and stare at the wall, wondering who the hell I was too honest with, why I told my supervisor that I had aspirations, wondering who I spoke to, what I said, what enemy I made in the higher ups that has effortlessly destroyed what I have worked for almost 2 years to do. I've never, EVER been fired from a job before. I've never been suspended, I've never -not- succeeded, once I decided to. But then...I've never had to work with people that felt threatened either...I've never had a full-time job that was so full of people eyeing each other's backs, just waiting to dig the knives in.
Aiee, goddess, what am I going to do now? My heart is breaking, my pride is wounded beyond belief- and that hurts like a mortal wound...
So.
I've been suspended for 2 days w/out pay for not folding and mailing out letters. I believe the time for frustrated screaming at the collective gods that rule office work has passed, and it has now passed to the time for frustrated grumbling as I spend the next 48 consecutive hours on a search for a well paying job w/ good benefits that I can do from home that doesn't involve sales. (edit: apparently, this is IMPOSSIBLE)
Why am I giving up? Lemme lay it on the line for ya and see if you understand:
1) Hired. Woot!!
2) Supervisor is replaced.
3) Put on "corrective action" for a) reading my book in view of other people (??something about the "image") b) quality score not being high enough (no argument, understandable) this would be February of this year.
4) I stop reading, come in on time every day, and dramatically raise quality score- but due to the fact that I worked on a project for a month, my score for that month is "thrown out" and my score id not determined to be raised far enough (even though it's over where they said it needed to be)... Instead of letting me remain as I am (on corrective action), I am put on a "Final Warning" and am coldly asked by the then-assistant manager if I even -want- the job---- supervisor is replaced again
6) Raise quality score wayyyyy over where it needs to be. Work ass off. Get very little sleep. Volunteer for overtime. Spend three fucking months working so hard that I start getting migraines again. Get called to HR, after 3 months of CONSTANT communication w/ my supervisor who has sworn up down and sideways that I'll be off the action and free and clear. I walk in, and see the damned slip with the "suspension" area checked. I nearly pass out.
I don't understand it. I've worked my everlovin ass off, I've done overtime, I've stayed awake nights stressing out so much that I've begun snapping at Nich with the tension, then bursting into tears and apologies. In the last 10 months, I have done every single thing they have asked of me, above and beyond (I have worked on projects, I have been recognized by other departments, I am even a person that other COMPANIES ask for on the phone to fix problems) and I keep getting kicked in the ass every single fucking time that my performance comes up.
It wouldn't hurt so bad if I hadn't been warned this would happen by the one person that I hate and despise, that has hurt and betrayed me the very most of anyone else in this world. Tony (stepdad, for those that haven't been paying attention) was a master at the office political game, and he told me every day that the world was full of people that would step on me to rise higher, particularly if they noticed that I was smart and doing well. Damn him, why did he have to be right about this?!?! I fought, I strained, I have worked so incredibly hard to do well and to prove that I could do this job (I'm the youngest person in the office and the only one w/out a degree) only now to have to sit and stare at the wall, wondering who the hell I was too honest with, why I told my supervisor that I had aspirations, wondering who I spoke to, what I said, what enemy I made in the higher ups that has effortlessly destroyed what I have worked for almost 2 years to do. I've never, EVER been fired from a job before. I've never been suspended, I've never -not- succeeded, once I decided to. But then...I've never had to work with people that felt threatened either...I've never had a full-time job that was so full of people eyeing each other's backs, just waiting to dig the knives in.
Aiee, goddess, what am I going to do now? My heart is breaking, my pride is wounded beyond belief- and that hurts like a mortal wound...